possible transgender in children

[MICHELLE192]

I consider myself a female trapped in a males body.  I have 2 children whos behavior is simular to mine at their ages.  A boy and a girl phyisally; however, I noticed the opposite in their behavior.  I have been in the closet with my desires to change their whole life.  I am not sure if it a learned behavior from the way their mother and I are around the house (role reversal), or if they inherit the transgender genes.  I am not sure if I should well their mother should talk to them or wait until they bring it to us.  I have 4 children in all, another boy younger then the 2.  He is already dating girls his age the fourth child is a girl single digit age to early to tell with her.  I am worried about my kids I was the outcast in school beat up for being different and did some other things I am not prod of.  My wife does not think that it is a big deal but she did not go through what I went through and tried to do about it.  I still have trouble talking about my teen years even to my wife. 

[K8]

I really don't think being transgendered or transsexual is genetic.  I don't think it can be inherited.  And I don't think it is learned behaviour from observation of gender roles of the parents.  (Kids see too many other adults playing out gender roles for it to be only the parents.)

You might just create an opening for the kids to feel like they can speak out safely if they want to.  I'm not sure how you would do that.  You might talk one-on-one with each when you are both relaxed, perhaps mentioning how some people are born with the body of one gender and the mind/soul of the other - y'know, the whole TS thing.  You have to present it in a non-judgemental way.  I think you should present it casually, as part of other conversation rather than The Talk. 

If you let them know that it is safe and OK to talk about such things, you may get some indication of what they are thinking.  They may not talk about it right away, but if they know that they can then they will speak when they are ready.

This is just how I see it.  I don't know if it is right.  Good luck, dear.

- Kate

[Nicky]

I think it is possible that you can inherit the predisposition to being transgendered. There is already evidence that there are certain genes at play which may make it more likely to be transgendered. But saying that it is pretty normal for some kids to do cross gendered play. It does not mean they are transgendered. Only they can decide that for themselves.

I think the best thing you can do it love them, be supportive, don't punish them for gender variant behaviour, and teach them about diversity and tolerance. Talk to them about how they feel, make it safe for them to confide in you.  Let them find their own path, you won't be able to change it anyway whatever that may be. No matter how they turn out these things make for good parenting, and self confident kids. Give them the tools to tackle anything. Enjoy your kids as unique beings and celebrate their uniqueness. Don't make your issues their issues.

[MICHELLE192]

I hope my children could talk to us about stuff.  My 14 year son talked to us about things his girl-friend did. 
My 16 year old daughter tries to hide her chest in the summer heat she is wearing couple of layers to flaten them.  She has been mody stays in her room all day in the dark.  She is been treated for depression. She talks about blowing things up and wants to join the military.  She watches the military channel alot.  She did not cut her hair but both me and her mother has long hair.  9-11 hurt her deeply even though we knew nobody in New York.  I have to fight with her to get a shower and clean up after herself.  She is closer to me then her mother and she has mention or asked why she was born a girl when she was younger I gave her the science answer the xx and xy stuff.  For a long time 10 years she was the only girl with 2 brother. 
My 17 year old son does the cooking for the family wants to be a chef.  His room is clean despite sharing his room with is brother.  He does suffer from fits of rage like I did at his age the holes in the walls matched.  He is emotional more then my daughter is.  He is closer to his mother then me and talks to her more.  My wife thought it was a phase with me 18 years ago which I surpressed 17 years ago untill latley it got the better of me.   maybe there just simularies and I am projecting like my wife says.  We both advoid swimming or public bathrooms. 
When they were both young they played together with all types of toys except guns I did not want those toys in the house.  There is a little more now then them playing house and switch mom and dad genders.  They both are seeing therapists right now for other problems with being teenagers I also went when I was younger.  When I mentioned the gender stuff as a kid I was told I would grow out of it so I know that general therapists don't know much about gender at least 25 years ago.  I just feel like I should have been myself and not pretend for 17 years to be someone I am not.  Now their heads are full with the same junk from others about gender.  I heard it from my 14 year old (10 at the time) calling someone well a gay name.  that was the first time I smacked him across his face which I regret doing.  that word has been used as a weapon against me as a kid

[girl_ashley]

It all goes back to the age old question of Nature versus Nurture.  There still needs to be a lot more research to determine these kinds of things.  Just as being born intersexed is the result of genetics, I also believe there may be some genetic component that can make one predisposed to being transgender.  However, I also believe there may be nurture component to that as well.  To what degree nature or nurture has in transgender peoples is too unclear today.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

I know a ftm whose sister is mtf. So yeah, I guess it can run in families. Since in the womb, is where the hormones get messed up and throw the body one way but the brain the other...it could happen to multiple children of the same mother.

[MICHELLE192]

thanks for all the input.  I am going to take my daughter to valley forge and talk to her about things weather permitting.  She is into the military stuff a nice setting to sit and talk knowing her she would like it better with snow just like George Washington was there with the army. 
I do thiink genetics has more to do with transgender then random chance.

[gennee]

As far as I know I'm the only transgender person in my immediate family. It may be in my genealogy line.

Gennee