So I don't know what to call my other half.

[Karridoll]

I love my girlfriend... Or is it boyfriend!!!!! Ahhh... This is as new to my partner, (safe word), as it is to me. She has not chosen a "male" name, and was given an extreemly fem one. She is not out to ANYONE but me. I want home to feel comfortable and I think of her male but I think it would be strange just to go from "her" to "him" in one evening. She has not said anything to me about adressing her differently but I feel like I should... What to do. Advice?

[Janet_Girl]

Simple put, Ask.  Sit your partner down and talk about it.  Let them know you are 100% in their corner.  You will both have to plan this out so nether of you are hit with something out of the blue.

[Lachlann]

Yep, communication is key.

If they wish to be called male pronouns than at least try to make an effort, I can imagine it's strange but it's going to be more awkward for them to be called something that they feel they're not.

[Osiris]

Well what I normally go with is if he identifies as male, then use masculine pronouns. This is something that sometimes gets mixed up when someone who is transitioning comes out. Often we don't right out say "call me by this specific gender" until we're sick of hearing the wrong one constantly. And sometimes it's very discouraging to hear someone we've come out to call us by the wrong gender's pronouns.

Though his not being out thing does throw a bit of a monkey wrench into the mix. Because it'll be confusing if you have to call him by male pronouns at home, but when around people female pronouns. So definitely have a talk with your partner. Find out what kinda timeline he's looking at to come out and all that.

[Karridoll]

I think I will. I guess I was waiting for them to bring it up...but it would kill me to know that they were afraid to tell me..

[sneakersjay]

I didn't ask other people to use correct pronouns until I had taken steps to fully come out: ie name change, gender marker on DL, started T.  Up until then, it felt silly to me, because clearly, externally, I was still F to everyone else.  And even then, after all that time, it still felt like family, friends, and coworkers were just humoring me, like I was a loony or something.  Now, finally, it seems very normal, after 19 months on T.

So ask him what he would prefer, and what timeline. More important for you to show interest and concern, rather than just assume and be wrong.

Jay

[Karridoll]

Thanks everyone. Man, I guess this is the place to air it out, LOL.
Post Merge: January 28, 2010, 07:55:33 PM
Oh and Jay, 19 months on T looks great on you.

[kisschittybangbang]

OMG I had such a hard time with pronouns at first, but really if it's his decision and it's what he wants and who he feels he is, then by all means get into using them. With yourself, and him.

Over time... the "fe-" just fades out.

I do agree with the others in communication being key. Also, there is a Significant Other's area on here. You'll get a ton of help and support from everyone.

Just be honest and dont hide ANYTHING when it comes to his trans journey. The more you hide, the more plaster you add to walls that DON'T need to be there!

[FolkFanatic]

I would definitely agree to sit down and talk it over before doing anything. It's very possible he hasn't asked you to use male pronouns or a male name yet because he's waiting to transition out to everyone else.

I told all my close friends but have yet to take that step (using my chosen name and male pronouns) because i have yet to tell my parents (who i live with.) It would be awfully strange for my friends to "slip up" in front of my parents and call me "Justin", you know? Wouldn't be a fun conversation if i just dropped it on them like that...