Who did you first come out to?

[Alexei]

Hi everyone. I discovered this site a few days ago while googling for sizing instructions...but that's besides the point.

I'm in my fourth year of college and have been dressing in secret for the past eight or so years, never telling anyone. A couple weeks ago I scheduled an appointment with the campus counseling center, and that's coming up monday. I planned on just talking about some other issues I had, but I am seriously considering telling the counseler about my secret.

My problem though, is that, as in everything, there is only one first. I'm not sure I want my first time telling someone to be some counseler who was randomly assigned to me that I have never met before. Of course I don't have the courage to tell someone I already know.


So my questions are what do other people think I should and who did other people first tell?

[Janet_Girl]

Starting with a counselor is the best place to come out.  They really have no vested interest in you, like a friend or family member.  From there is is pretty much up to who you need to tell.  Lover or SO, parents, siblings or friends.

I told my father first, bad reaction there.   Then I told a very good friend, who accepted me.  A few years later we became involved and later married.  But she didn't like it when I needed to begin transition.

So it is pretty much up to you.  Begin with the ones who are futthest from you emotionally and work inwards.

[tekla]

Go out downtown, find some random business person, a very busy one, and tell them.  They will be too busy to care, and your first time will have come and gone in a New York Second, and the second time will be that much easier.

[spacial]

Go out downtown, find some random business person, a very busy one, and tell them.  They will be too busy to care, and your first time will have come and gone in a New York Second, and the second time will be that much easier.

That makes surprising sense. 

[barbie]

So my questions are what do other people think I should and who did other people first tell?

In my case, it was my wife.

As you are m2f, I think any female person you are familiar with would be fine. Women tend to be more acceptable. And, later, they can help you do girly stuffs, such as purchasing women's clothes and cosmetics, tips on make up, and etc.

Barbie~~

[K8]

Welcome to Susan's, Alexi.

Be sure to look under the Announcements heading.  There you will find the rules we live by in this little world of ours: "Site Terms of Service and Rules to Live By", "Standard Terms and Definitions", and "Post Ranks".  Look through the other stuff there, too, like "Age and the Forums".

I told my wife first (before we married).  Then I told my best friends - a gay couple.  Then I told a gay co-worker who was and is a good friend.  Then I told my doctor, minister, and counselor.  (I dont remember the order.)  Then I told my daughter.

Somehow I never thought that telling any of these people was "coming out".  When I first strarted telling my straight friends - that was the hard thing.

Telling a counselor is good, because then you can talk about how to really come out.

I hope you find lots of helpful information here.  Happy exploring.

- Kate

[LordKAT]

I never really "told" anyone. They inferred. My therapist included.

[Elijah3291]

I was with my brother when I had the revelation

I just said "whoah, I think I'm a gay guy in a chicks body" we both just laughed, and laughed about how sad it is for my parents. because that would mean that HE is bi, and I'm a gay transguy.

[spacial]

Elijah

Why would that make your brother bi?

[Elijah3291]

Elijah

Why would that make your brother bi?

oh.. I phrased it wrong.. what I meant is.. my brother is bi, so that would mean that my brother is bi, AND i'm a gay transguy.

[spacial]

Thank you Elijah.

[Muffin]

I had a friend from high school who I told (after school finished, age 21 while visiting her interstate).. I knew she'd be cool so it meant little and we carried on like it was nothing, but I guess the first BIG time was with a girlfriend (my last) 3 months into the relationship, she didn't like it that much but was 'whatever' about it. OF course until I started going out more as her instead of him and told her I had to do what I had to do (all the way) and told everyone else (mum, best friends, dad, brothers) as well. Then we broke up (this month we became friends again) and I slowly began watching my shroud of a poor fake existence fade away (still fading).
Only one bad reaction for me (middle brother) and I guess some old friends that I didn't much care for anyway so no great loss.

Q for Alexei: So are you purely just crossdressing now and forever or is it possibly more?
I never felt much point sharing with anyone my goings out as me, until it became a 100% full time RLT HRT sorta thing.

[Pippa]

Believe it or not, the first person I came out to was my hair removal nurse!   

I have since come out to a counsellor and I am just about to come out to the rest of the world.   Wish me luck

[spacial]

Pippa.

The very best. I'm gonna be thinking about you a lot, so don't take too long to get back.

I'll get real tired otherwise

[Alexei]

Thank you all, that seems like some good advice.

Muffin: I think it's just crossdressing. I don't really know what I want. Recently I've been fantasizing about having a female body, but I think that's because my masculine features don't look too good in a dress. I was fortunate enough to have inherited small breasts from my father and grandfather, but I am also kinda fat in the belly.

On a side note, I must admit it feels good to have people make statements referring to me with words like "m2f" and "crossdressing."
Post Merge: February 01, 2010, 09:38:53 AM
I did it.

I told the counsellor. Now someone who has seen my face knows. It was weird saying it aloud and my heart was and still is racing, but it's been done.

[kaide]

I came out to two people at once o.O so idk which would really be first lol.

Umm its my two closest girl friends, they aren't judge mental at all, and very supportive, but then again they also responded with, yeah we kind of figured. If it wasn't for them I don't think I'd ever come as far as I have, it was them who helped me find a therapist and everything, plus the cool part is one of them is the same size of me, so she gave me a bunch of old clothes

Once you come out to people you consider most important its easier to tell people who aren't, from my experience at least, I was really scared at first but I've come to realize most people don't really care, guys can be harder, some like to tease you about it, but just screw with them back IMO majority of the ones I've encountered are more friendly tease, not really mean.

As far as the counselor, if they are there to help you with problems, and you can come to them for anything, you could talk to him/her. But even then it isn't easy, there have been sometimes I told someone like that, and it still wasn't easy hard to build up the nerve. But if they are there to help the students with problems and there for students to talk to them, well you may not be the first student going for that reason.

[Dana Lane]

I told a coworker as my first coming out. She is now my best friend!

I was scared to death and shaking but finally got through it. She didn't totally understand it but said she would support me no matter what. As time went on we began hanging out, going shopping, sharing secrets, etc. She tells me things she would never think of telling any of her other female friends. I love her to death!

[Louise]

The first person I came out to was my wife.  That was probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done.  She has taken it very well (I told her about a dozen years ago and we are still very much married) and I think it has made our marriage stronger.  I am only sorry I did not tell her sooner.

[Alice]

I came out to my docotor first. It was of my choice because at the time is was quiet evident something was wrong.

Alice

[Salina]

I actually came out first to my wife, who not does not want me to crossdress.  However, since then, I have come out to my youngest son, his wife, my brother, my mother, and even my youngest daughter (15)  Neither one seems to have a real problem with it, but then again, they have never seen me dressed, either.  I just told them that I like to wear womens clothing and what did they think?  I have not told my oldest son, nor will I, he has a 'Rambo complex' and would , I think, disown me.  I never told my dad either, but right after my mother passed away, I went back for my mothers funeral to stay with my dad for several days.  While there, I wore several of my mothers slips and even her long, sating night gown to bed a few times.  I am certain he new what I was wearing, but never said anything.  He may have thought I was gay?  Anyway, he to, passed on a couple of months later, they were married for over 50 yrs.