Temptation of Estrogen

[Silver]

My skin problem was due to too much fat, which is related with male hormones. I heard that female hormones can decrease the amount of facial fat.

Barbie~~

It should be reverse, should it not?

[Naturally Blonde]

My skin problem was due to too much fat, which is related with male hormones. I heard that female hormones can decrease the amount of facial fat.

Barbie~~

It should be reverse, should it not?

Absolutely! women usually have more fat in their face than men. Men's faces are usually thinner with less collegen.

[barbie]

Yesterday I visited the hospital to consult with a psychiatrist and a cosmetic surgeon who is a best expert on SRS.

I already filled out and sent the psychiatric test questionnaires about 10 days ago. After talking for about 15 mins, the psychiatrist approved my plan of HRT.

The nurses there were very kind yesterday, and I exchanged jokes with them. One of them guided me to the office of cosmetic surgeon, as the hospital was like a maze and I asked help.

The surgeon is very famous here as he has successfully conducted SRS for several hundred patients.

After talking with me for about 15 mins, he said he can not prescribe HRT for me without approval of my wife, because I said clearly to him 1) I do not want divorce, 2) my kids are the most important object in my life. He suggested that I visit his office again with my wife.

I thought that he is an indeed venerable doctor, as transgenders here can easily get HRT even without psychiatrist's approval. He seemed to be better than the psychiatrist in understanding transgendered people in this country.

I do not think my wife will allow me to get HRT. Yesterday she nagged at me about my wearing makeup, and my little daughter followed her  . I asked her whether she wants me to look prettier, but she did not reply. I complained that the cream is too cheap, and I need one of higher quality  .

Anyway, I will ask her whether she can allow it when her mood is better. I will follow what she wants.

Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

My wife always tells me.

Don't go too far.

I am however far from ready to go far.

[barbie]

While driving, I talked to my wife briefly about my visiting hospital for HRT. Of course, I added like "I know that you would not allow it."

I also talked it to my friend who is a GP. I said the doctor was very nice as most doctors just want money, but he refused my HRT. My friend said like "doctors are all the same. They just want money from you. Probably he has bad experiences such as getting some severe complaints or lawsuits from wives whose husband was allowed to get HRT by him."


As my wife confirmed again that my priority is my kids over my transsexuaism, nowadays she consors my fashion items together with my son. Yesterday my family was to go to a birthday party. I was wearing blue tights under very short pants. She said she would not mind whatever I wear when I alone go somewhere, but asked me to wear plain shoes while with my family. She asked me to wear plain jeans rather than blue tights under short demin pants, and a plain tee shirt instead of the greenish, deeply v-necked  girls' sweater. I just followed her direction 

Nevertheless, a guy was surprised at me in a public bathroom (men's). I guessed it was because of my long red-coat. He apologized me, but I just left there.

I decided to sometimes dress en femme without HRT.

Anyway we had a good time at the party.


Barbie~~

[Kaeren]

Nobody ever said it would be easy.

[Lyric]

Barbie, you've always been one of my favorite people here at Susan's forum and I've enjoyed your great photos and fashion ideas. I have worried about your life situation, though. It's always seemed that your wife simply tolerated your feminine inclinations, rather than enjoyed them. Obviously you do not have as close a relationship with her as one would hope an ideal marriage would. And having children complicates the matter much more.

It seems to me that you have some seriously conflicting desires that are going to have to be reconciled sooner or later-- the later being worse, I think. I can't really offer any recommendation on what course to take. Someone may correct me, but I have always understood that HRT was really a step only to be taken by someone who is sure they are truly transsexual-- that is to say that they completely wish to remove their masculinity entirely and become a woman. While this forum seems to attract many such persons, in my observation, this group constitutes a relatively small portion of the transgender community as a whole. A larger group, I believe, wish to experience femininity without leaving their masculinity behind. This is certainly the category I fall into, myself.

I've often wished there was a pill for for people like me, too. Perhaps a way to have feminine skin, breasts, a low voice, perhaps, while retaining other male traits. Or maybe a way to change entirely temporarily. I think this things will be possible one day, but they are not yet. Other than considerable cosmetic options, there is HRT and SRS, which pretty much mean saying goodbye permanently to one's masculine self as you were.

Here's something else to consider, too. While HRT will obliterate or obscure your many of your masculine traits, it will not make you a woman. It will make you a person with a transgendered body (or, at least, a partially transgendered body). Womanhood starts from within. I think before taking  a step like this you need to be sure that woman is there and she's ready to take over.

Lyric

[barbie]

Lyric,

Thanks for comments. I think you know myself better than me.

If I am not married, then I would be rather free to chose options. As you said, I have kids who I cherish most in this my life. My wife tries her best to understand and accept me.

Officially I gave up getting HRT.

I ordered some new cosmetics today. Foundation and powder. And I exercised, hoping that I can delay my aging. These are what I am allowed to enjoy.


And there are manu tasks and obligations I should do in my work place, which sometimes become more important and urgent than my transsexualim.

I can not do all I wish. It is reality.

Nevertheless, I smile and enjoy my life as a crossdresser who has kids and wife.

Strangely, my little daughter is so much interested in my fashion items. She likes walking on my 5-inch red high heel sandals. She spilled my powder cosmetics, and I had to order another. Her temper is like a brave boy, but at glance she looks pretty and quiet. Her eyelashes are so long and people say she would not need any masara. And my relatives used to say my eyelashes also were so long when I was a kid. I am always happy that my daugher was born a girl. She also likes reading books like me. although she is at preschool age.

Barbie~~

[Lyric]

It's good to hear you've made a decision on the HRT idea. That really is not something you want to start unless you are very sure of what you want. An unfortunate fact of life is that we can't all "have or cake and eat it, too". Each of us has a unique life situation. I have long since given up the idea of an "off the shelf" lifestyle and I think you have, too. It's both exciting and stressful to have to create your own way of life. But think of how boring it would be if we didn't.

Lyric

[Kaeren]

If I am not married, then I would be rather free to chose options. As you said, I have kids who I cherish most in this my life. My wife tries her best to understand and accept me.

Barbie~~

You know what my wife said ? She told me I wouldn't feel happy if she would try to stop me.  And then she also added : "It's OK, you have some good sides that compensate." She meant that I managed to make a stable family situation which she considers to be more important and that my job is OK. I don't drink, I have a spirit that is alive and I'm a fair person.  At least that's what she told me. And that seems to count.

My point is, people will take a lot from you if you give them something else.  The fact that you dress up like a girl s not the most important side of your relationship to somebody. It's the energy and the way you treat people around you and of what use you are to them that counts. Whether you respect them or not.

Same with working place.  If you make sure that your company needs you because you're simply good then it matters less that you perhaps have some other 'handicap'.  Call it compensation if you wish.

[Lyric]

Kaeren, I realize your intent, but I have to say I find that post really depressing. If your life situation makes your choice of appearance a "handicap", it's time for some changes. Nobody can ever feel entirely happy about themselves if they think of their passions as burdens others must look beyond. No matter how you look around it, crossdressing/transgender is a big deal. But there are people-- including women-- who actually appreciate it rather than begrudgingly tolerate it. The same can be said for workplaces. Granted such situations are not the norm in our society. But neither are we. I think we all owe it to ourselves to make an extra effort to find relationships, social and work situations where can feel fully good about ourselves.

I'll disclaim myself a bit here. This may be easy for me to say because I am not married and am self-employed. But I choose my friends and people/places to associate carefully.

Lyric

[Kaeren]

I believe we agree. That's how I understood it anyhow. Maybe my wife secretally appreciates it ? She doesn't like body hair she told me.  So we fit together that way.  I don't know. There is still the bodybuilder from before in me, and in her. But isn't that also the same in a way ?  This is after all a "body building" site, even if it's more than that.

I'm not strong enough to be self-employed. I wouldn't mind to be selfemployed but it's not so. I'm a government official. Something like that.

[Lyric]

Self-employment is certainly not for everybody. I left a Fortune 500 company and great benefits and then went through 3 very lean years. But now I'm making more than I ever would have employed and I love what I do. You never really know what you can do until you take the plunge, I guess.

Lyric

[Kaeren]

Lyric,

Can I know what your activity is ? 

I will not start my own company like you.  It's just not in my nature.  But I'm doing economical research to be able to make enough money to pay for my estrogen project, which is my temptation.  I'm building a computer program to advise myself about money so that it produces enough money to change. It's all statistics and numbers and math. Professionally I work with banks most of the time. It's not fortune 500 because it's not really a company I work for.  But it's not small neither.

K.

[Lyric]

My business now is mainly about Internet marketing. It's an area that has a kind of shaky reputation to an extent because of less scrupulous types, but I ran into some people who knew a lot about doing it the right way, so I spent a couple of years learning and testing methods. I've got a number of niche websites that draw affiliate income. Also I help small businesses get online and develop web-salable products.

Like any job that makes decent money, to do this you have to learn a lot of picky details. I hear about overnight success stories with it now and then, but it took a lot of learning and trial and error for me. There are no college courses or how-to books for this type of marketing, since it's all new and constantly changing. That's why those of us who know what we're doing can charge a tidy price services.

One problem I see with people TS folks and running their own business, though is maintaining a mindset. It seems to me that the hormones or perhaps the situation causes a good bit of down attitude time and I've never seen anyone do well in their own business without maintaining high spirits. It's not easy for anyone to maintain a steady work output in a self-managed situation without maintaining a strong sense of positiveness. I think jobs themselves can be kind of depressing, though. I've been generally happier ever since I left my last regular job, even when money wasn't coming in very well.

If you want to look into it, DM me and I'll send you some specifics to look into.

Lyric

[Chloe]

The surgeon . . . said he can not prescribe HRT for me without approval of my wife, because I said clearly to him 1) I do not want divorce, 2) my kids are the most important object in my life. He suggested that I visit his office again with my wife.

*sigh* lol On THIS we part ways - I want to keep the kids and lose the wife! Erin Swenson, who doesn't in the least mind that I am DIY, is none-the-less appalled at what she calls my futile *battles with wife* as in the state of Georgia USA the lazy, male chavisist dominated Superior Court system almost guarantees women keep kids and everybody else just pays, pays, pays , , , I sometimes wish my idiot lawyer had better stressed that before I  handed him a $7.500 divorce check!

Oh well, NO REGRETS as the proceedings are still not final and in the meantime I am still living at home (as a guest) with her now responsible, for the 1'st time in her life, with paying more than her share I cannot complain!

Can the kids and I come visit one day? Are you anywhere near any destination points on this free travel route map? 

Cheers 

[barbie]

Hi, Kaeren and Lylic,

Thanks for exchanging opinions and experiences regarding crossdressing vs. professionalism.

I was really busy last week. Organizing and having a workshop, visiting a nearby research institute, having several meetings for publishing a book and initiating a research project for climate change, and finally delivering a lecture.

Friday morning, I delivered a lecture regarding climate change for about 2 hours. The audience was about 40 government employees from all around the country. I wore full men's formal dress. Black suit, white shirt and dark red tie. And of course some basic makeups such as foundation and lip gross, which were not so much noticeable. When starting and finishing the lecture, I bowed to them very politely.

This was because I think wearing proper dress is an important factor in education. Within a few years, I may change my research job to education.

I was glad that the organizer, who invited me to have the lecture, commented that few attendees dozed, and it is unusual that most of them pay attention to the lecture. Some of attendees also said to me that my lecture was very helpful.

When I am busy like this, simply I do not have time to be interested in fashion and beauty. Working becomes my priority rather than beauty.

I guess I gained some weight during the past few weeks as I seldom exercised. Yesterday, I ran for 2.5 hours (about 25 km or 15 miles) from my home to another town. Usually, it takes about 1 hour by bus because of traffic jam. As I am not confident in my waist size, I hesitate to wear very bold clothes. Once my waist size decreases, I may enjoy this spring outdoors. Confidence in body shape is also another factor in enjoying this spring.

Barbie~~