IYO how important is financial stability during transition?

[Valentina]

Repeatedly I seem to come across people that say money isn't important & where there's a will there's a way, but realistically speaking this is easier said than done if we put transition into the picture.  There are also those peeps that think that going to Thailand for GRS is going to be a bargain which in the majority of the cases it isn't.  I went to Thailand, my parents & I stayed there for 2 weeks & let me tell you that we did spend tons of money.  It wasn't cheap as some people claim it is.  We had to make a lot of sacrifices & without the help of my parents, I wouldn't be post-op today.  My personal opinion on this is that if you've got no money to pay for transition, you aren't going anywhere & as harsh as it may sound you're stuck let alone screwed because no mystery goddess is going to come & make it all better.  So in your case, how important is/was financial stability when it comes/came to your own transition?

[LivingInGrey]

I think this right here is what holds my tong when I think i want to call a therapist about gender identity and confess that I honestly want to start a transition. For some I'd guess that spending more then 5 years transitioning isn't such a bad fate, but I'd rather plow through it as quickly as possible. Ideally getting GRS and FFS shortly after the one year mark for me, seems more important then taking my time. I'm SO insecure about the way I look that I would want it to be quick and perfection is a MUST.

So yeah, in my opinion financial stability is a must. Enough money to cover everything, and having enough money to spend a few years unemployed wouldn't hurt either.

Side Note:

Goin to Thailand for the SRS would be fun IMO. I've never gone over seas for anything, and I simply LOVE Thai food. I'd have to bet that while I was over there I might take a swing through Japan, China and even Australia if I had the money to. Make it a 3 or so month trip

But that's just me =/

[K8]

I looked into transitioning in the early '80s.  One thing that held me back was lack of money and viable job prospects once I transitioned.  (The other thing was lack of support - friends and/or support groups.)  Essentially, I wasn't strong enough of a person at that time to overcome the many difficulties I faced then.

Some people manage this with little money.  I know of one gal who has been fulltime for quite a while but can't manage the funds for GRS.  She's still a full-time woman, but she'd like the surgery.

I am very aware that my transition this time has been rapid and relatively easy in part because I can afford it.  But money isn't the only thing.  I think you have to be secure in the knowledge of who you are.  I think you need as many friends and supporters as you can gather.  I think you need reasonable expectations.  I think you need sessions with a good, supportive therapist.

But those are my opinions.  We each seem to manage this a bit differently.  I would advise anyone who was emotionally and psychologically ready to transition to go ahead, with or without the money.  You don't have to get all the expensive stuff to live your life as a complete person.

- Kate

[Cindy Stephens]

Despite what some writers on this board say, when I was young (1960s) you simply didn't have access to credit cards, loans, etc. to transition.  Most people had little extra money and resources were scarce.  I wanted a family, but ended up with two failed marriages by the time I was 23.  I spent my time establishing myself and finding a partner who enjoyed and allowed my feminine side.  I started hormones 5 years ago, maintained my job in male mode, and was able to accumulate enough so that I can transition at any time.  I seem to have enough of an outlet to keep my sanity while playing the society game and get a little more ahead, at least until the economy improves.
Now, I also attend a trans-gender group.  I have seen many families break up over this in a most heart wrenching way.  Often this seems to occur after their company lets them go for one excuse or another, though we really all know why.  Families and wives need stability and Income.  Some girls today seem able to transition, get a job, and a lover.  Good for them.  I think it is still rare. The additional costs of surgery, electrolysis, clothes, etc. is just too much for a family.  Not to mention the diminished  job prospects.   I know some will vigorously disagree, but I think you need financial stability to succeed at this.

[tekla]

There might be worse things in America than being poor with uncertain finances but they are things like prison.  I don't think that you need a lot of money.  I'm sure that many people could live on a lot less.  It's the stability factor that is the key.  One can scrimp, save, cut corners, do extra work and all that and make it fine, but if you have to constantly worry about where the money is going to come from, and about having to choose between rent and food that gets pretty all consuming and poverty at its most basic levels is a soul grinding experience.

[mtfbuckeye]

One of my problems is that I'm under-employed, deeply in debt, and living in my in-laws' basement right now. I guess that's 3 problems, huh?

We will probably have to declare bankruptcy soon, and I am hoping to find a tenure-track teaching job for next fall... stay tuned.

[Blanche]

IYO how important is financial stability during transition?

Taking into account that treatment of transsexual people isn't covered by medical insurance, for the life of me I don't understand how anybody could afford all the expenses of transition without a strong financial stability.  Therapy alone is very expensive, hormones, hair removal, facial femisation if needed, GRS.  There's absolutely no way that people can afford all that earning minimum wage, not even average pay.

[K8]

I agree with Cindy and Tekla.  I guess my interpretation of financial stability is a little different.  (I was thinking more financial security.)

Blanche: My insurance is paying for almost all of my therapy, hormones and doctor visits.  I'm on my own hook for clothes, elctrolysis/laser and GRS.  We all have different situations. 

And I believe that GRS and FFS are frosting on the cake.  The cake is being able to live your life as yourself.  Some of us need FFS and GRS to achieve that, but I think for many of us it is really just an extra delight.

- Kate

[Janet_Girl]

I am unemployed.  I live on Unemployment and it is tough.  But I have finally gotten things in line to begin electrolysis.  It won't be easy but it is a start, or rather a restart.

SRS is on hold indefinably.  Even at my old wage it is a ways off.  And even if I can get Disability, it will be tight.  If I have to I will be alone and in an in between state.

But even then, at least I am a woman, like any other woman who has lost her job.  But it is a day by day journey and that is all that it can be.  Even without transition, I have been here before.  It is nothing new.

[Julie Wilson]

Money is really important. 

English historian and mathematician tells us: "Maturity of mind is the capacity to endure uncertainty". This capacity to not get derailed or immobilized by the uncertainties and rapid, often chaotic changes we all face in our personal and professional lives, is a personal asset that is remarkable and rare amongst individuals.

http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_71.htm

In essence, every act of observation transforms the Universe. Since observation cannot happen without interpretation, every interpretation becomes a reality. For us Human Beings, this has enormous implications, because we are linguistically programmed. Language does not describe, it creates. It conceives, governs, constructs, and becomes reality.

http://www.intentblog.com/archives/2005/08/the_uncertainty.html

My experience is that the uncertainty factor allows us to make things happen so that we can have what we need.  Being trapped in an underpaying job or in a jobless situation may impede success or cause our goals to take more time and how much time do we have?

My father forced me (threatened me) into going to a very specialized school where I got an associates degree in a line of work that I knew I would never be employed in.  I hated that kind of skill/work as I had done it all my young life just to please my parents.  And my father made me pay for my schooling myself.  The school was one of the most expensive schools of it's type in the USA and I had to spend the 9k I had saved, I had to take a year off at a time and work and I had to borrow money on student loans.

When I graduated my father's gift to me was forcing me to pay him room and board and then he kicked me out of his home a few months later.  On my own I had to find a job that paid five dollars an hour while paying back two separate student loans.  I lived on bulk rice and could not afford to drive, buy insurance or do anything fun for years. 

What I should have done was left home and hit the road but I was a reckless person, GID caused my life to have no value and I might have ended up dead, I almost did many times anyway.

I was trapped at that horrible job for ten long years in a very macho environment and I had to die a little each day in order to survive there.  It was like I was seeing life through a very narrow slit, just a splinter of what existed outside of my self-imposed mental coccoon.  I could not life as a "man", as what life was forcing me to be.  Life, friends, family, church, god... they were all telling me what I had to be and I was so afraid and so conned into having to be what they said I had to be that I just died "spiritually" and accepted a life of slavery.

But it was self-imposed.  I locked myself in that situation though in all reality I was not capable of anything else.

I had been planning my suicide for many years but then I realized that I might as well try something crazy rather than just kill myself.  Why not try something totally crazy as long as I was planning of killing myself?  I mean if I failed all I had to do was follow through with plan B.

So I quit my job and what I did not realize at the time was I made room for the uncertainty principle to begin to act in my life.  I quit my job and I started my own business.  I was successful but I was a long ways from getting to where I could allow myself even the idea of transition.  I was still bound by my religion/god ideas and the fear of not being accepted.

Needing to be accepted is your worst vice.

I didn't just go willy-nilly and do crazy things, I planned this adventure out a little but much of my planning and being "sensible" actually worked against me, that and life tends to be a bit of a struggle and things tend to take time.

But I made room in my life for things to happen.  Part of this was I bought a house which I was later able to refinance, unfortunately I didn't use the money to transition.  Had I known better I would have.

Don't remain trapped in a situation that feels safe but actually prevents you from being able to afford transition.  I realize this advice is probably useless to everyone who reads it and I probably just come off as a kook.  But you have to make some room for "magic" in your life.  And there are several ways to go about doing it but you can't remain stuck in a funk or in a dead-end job.  You gotta take risks sometime.  Do something that really scares you, take risks.  You can't win if you are afraid of playing.  Try try again.

[spacial]

That last paragraph is so, so, so true.

There was a song by Paul Simon called Slip Sliding Away.

On a good day, ain't got no fear.

On a bad day I lie in bed and think of things that might have been.

[Natasha]

There might be worse things in America than being poor with uncertain finances but they are things like prison.  I don't think that you need a lot of money.  I'm sure that many people could live on a lot less.  It's the stability factor that is the key.  One can scrimp, save, cut corners, do extra work and all that and make it fine, but if you have to constantly worry about where the money is going to come from, and about having to choose between rent and food that gets pretty all consuming and poverty at its most basic levels is a soul grinding experience.

this.

[sneakersjay]

While I do work 2 jobs and am relatively well-paid, my transition has been financed primarily from the sale of my business 2 yrs ago.  I did not get much, and it was to be for retirement (behind in saving for that!) but it's either now or never wrt transition (ie while I'm young and healthy enough to do it).

Finances can and will hold transition back.  Though I would hope that with sliding scale therapists and gender clinics etc. that most trans people at least have access to therapy and hormones.  Surgery is a whole other issue (and obvious huge cost).


Jay

[King Malachite]

I think it's very important.  I think it's possible that there CAN be a way to get the money even in tight situations but it will take much research or creativity on the person's part.  Also cutting back can help.  To be honest I don't know how I will get the money to transiton completely.  My current plan is to just live as female in my moms house for the next 3-4 years working to save for basic living expenses and top surgery for a certain amount of time before I can get another job.  I don't know how I will pay for a hysterectomy and bottom surgery etc but I'll just save the best that I can.

[Felix]

Meh. If I based any transition-related decisions on money I'd still be in the closet.

[MacKenzie]

  Very important, sometimes I think transition is only for the wealthy.

[luna nyan]

"A girl's gotta eat" and this girl loves her food.
A quick smooth transition IMO really needs a few things put together - and I'm missing quite a few things here:
1.  A good support network (friends/family).
2.  Good medical support
3.  Financial planning - before/during/after.
If any of these aren't there, then things will slow down.

For me, on point 3 - no problems before and during, it's what to do with myself after that's the problem.  Regardless of what happens, being able to generate income to live off is fairly important IMHO.  Add to that my social obligations and I'm basically stuck as non-op for the time being.

[cacasca]

Pretty important, sadly

[JoanneB]

In a practical sense, financial stability is important. Transitioning alone has a high stress level. Finances always rates up in the top 3 stressors in anyone's life.

Now time for situational ethics... For many transitioning is a do or die situation. So WTF! There really is no choice. Scrimp, save, get 20 different credit cards, go bankrupt at the end of it, start a new life. If you're lucky you may even still have a job after a few months or years. (Having been in management, there is always a reason to get rid of someone that is legal. Just takes a little time)

For many in this situation, they are young, not in a committed relationship or married. There are no others they feel responsible for in their lives. Yet there are many late transitioners out there with a spouse, kids, very established careers (income). We also spent a lifetime developing coping mechanisms to abate the "do or die". Call it a mid-life crises or whatever you see your life and true happiness slip sliding away. You start thinking maybe I can.... but, how can I have it all? How can I keep my spouse, my home, my kids, my income, and be totally happy? Actually, to do an abstract something that I think will make me totally happy if I can keep all the rest of the nice things in my life. Worse case, a wheelbarrow full of cash helps a lot.

At that time in your life an external event may come along to kick over the table on you. While financial stability is nice, I know that if I lost either of the two most meaningful things in my life, my wife followed by my job I will likely say WTF, go for it, myself. I know the odds of finding a new position is slim to none. I have been looking for 2 years plus to get out where I am now. If I am going to be miserable, I might as well be happy.

[MacKenzie]

  Unless you have some kind of financial stability your gonna be transitioning at a snails pace.

  Money makes the world go around & is the root of all evil.