Okay, lets see if I can get this all straight. It has been so long ago. I believe I was 9 years old, and I asked my mom if I could see her privately. She said sure. We went into the bathroom and I asked her if I could have surgery. She said where? I looked downwards, and got all bashful. She asked me you want it bigger? I looked up to my mom horrified, and said No, I want it gone.
After reflecting on that question many many years ago, I had to ask myself, how in the hell could a 9 year old know what sex they are, or are suppose to be? I'm an adult now, and can not even rationalize how a 9 year old would even know. I look at other kids, and they don't even know what sexuality is all about, much less know if they are the right sex or not.
Anyway, I was around 26 when I ended up having a bi-lateral orchiectomy due to trauma. I was then seen by 2 different psychiatrists whom both announced to me that I am suffering from gender dysphoria. I was then recommended to some doctors in the area for hormone replacement therapy. I was on Estrogen and progesterone for about a year, and was somewhat happy, but patience and money soon run out. I then went into "remission" if you will? Where I had neither testosterone or estrogen. Several years passed, like about 12 and I went back on testosterone, thinking whats the use, I will never get where I want/need to be...and a funny thing happened. Within the first 2 months of being on testosterone, all of a sudden, out of the blue, I start looking thru all my womens clothing, and getting a huge urge/craving to go back to estrogen and progesterone. Now this threw me way off. I didn't understand it, and shortly there after, I quit testosterone, and went back into uhm... limbo. Stayed that way for several more years, when my doc told me that I was losing muscle mass really badly, and it was affecting my work performance because my spine was doing what my muscles should have been doing. So I told him that I had a bike accident a long time ago, and have no testosterone. He order some tests, and I had a level of 7. I guess the human male is suppose to be anywhere between 250-850? Well I had 7. So he prescribes me testosterone...first month, i was superman. Had erections, was happy, could basically fly if I wanted to. Then, just like before, boom! Out of the blue, no more erections, and just a burning driving need to get back to being a female, and to find a way to get more estrogen and progesterone.
In all of this, somehow, somewhere, I came across a term called aromataze. Some goofy enzyme that is manufactured in the liver, that takes testosterone, and turns it into estridol, and estrone. Especially if you have a high enough level of this enzyme in you. Now I am really confused. Could this enzyme be taking the testosterone that I am getting and manufacturing estrogen?
Help me if you can...
