How can I be 110% sure

[x-icecubes-x]

How can I be 110% sure that I am really transgenderd and am not just doing this for some 12 year old girls, that consider me cute. I know when I was littler I used to wanna be a boy. Then when I was around 10 the thoughts went away, but over the past 4 months have been coming back! This was after I told a bunch of girls I was a boy, and they have been making me feel awesome ever since.

Now I just get sad over it. I cant stop thinking about it, I want to cut my hair, I want to actually take testosterone! If I could have chosen to be a boy, I would have straight away! But there are times through out the day, particularly at school where I dont mind being a girl and just look at myself as being stupid for ever thinking this stuff in the first place. But then again, most mornings or nights I get caught up in how much I wanna be a boy!

[Lachlann]

It happens, at least it did for me.

Sometimes it's bearable, sometimes it isn't. Therapy can help in this, but for me it was a lot of soul searching and getting to the root of my problems. You don't have to be dysphoric 100% of the time to be transgender. I mean, there were times where I enjoyed the benefits of being a girl, but that wasn't me and so it didn't stick very long. It was also something that got a lot worse with age.

If you're as young as I think you are, you have a lot of time to ponder and be sure about yourself. 5 years after I came out, I finally got on testosterone, but by that time I was completely certain of myself.

[pamshaw]

If it does not go away then it is real. If it gets worse it is real. If you dress as a woman because you feel right not because you get sexually excited by womans clothes, it is real. In my case many hours with a gender therapist helped me accept who I am. I always felt inside that it was real because I tried to fight it and did not want it to be real. I am 110% sure I have severe GID; I am female inside and soon will be completely female on the outside. If it is real it won't ever go away.

Pam

[Catherine]

If it does not go away then it is real. If it gets worse it is real. If you dress as a woman because you feel right not because you get sexually excited by womans clothes, it is real. In my case many hours with a gender therapist helped me accept who I am. I always felt inside that it was real because I tried to fight it and did not want it to be real. I am 110% sure I have severe GID; I am female inside and soon will be completely female on the outside. If it is real it won't ever go away.

Pam

I'm with you, I have spent 30 plus years fighting it. I knew early on but I was never 100 pct sure. Now I am.

[Ms Jessica]

I don't know if you can be 110% sure of anything, ever.  That kind of useless (practically) caveat aside, I think the question boils down to whether you can tell if transitioning would be a mistake. 

Therapy can help, but will really only help you see connections in your experiences, a trend.  That's enough for some people to be convinced that they're trans, but most of us spend at least some time living in our gender identity.  If that's a syntonic experience, then that's going to tell you a lot more about whether you're really trans than hours of therapy.  I'm not suggesting you charge right into going full time, but if spending at least part of the time in your gender of identity is a really affirming thing, then I think that's an indicator that you may want to start exploring options related to transitioning, at least partially. 

[Sandy]

Unfortunately, there is no objective test for transsexuality.  You can't go to the doctor and get a blood test and have the results tell you that you are or aren't.

You are because you say you are.

This is one of the reasons that people like us go through therapy.  To help analyze our feelings to come to terms with our feelings.

If you come to the conclusion that you are trans, consider what it means.  Taking testosterone and growing hair on your body and bulking up muscles is one thing.  But how would you feel being referred to as a man day in and day out?  Are you willing to change just about every aspect of your life to become male in every way?  These are the issues in becoming your chosen gender in modern society.

Also, are you prepared to lose the love and respect of all around you who will think you are a pervert?  Or perhaps think of you as a waaay over the top butch lesbian?

And no matter what role you chose, you will never be 110% sure you are doing the right thing.  This is our plight.  Speak to people you can trust.  Seek the advice of a gender trained therapist.

You can become more confident in your decision, but you will never be *sure*.

-Sandy

[cynthialee]

There is no way to be completely positive. The others have made some good points.
Only YOU can say if you are trans or not.
If gender dysphoria is reoccuring and it gets worse it is not going to get better.
Gender dysphoria does not go away. You can not pray it away, bargain it away or wish it away. It is a misserable state of being that I wouldnt wish on anyone, but it is our lot in life. I try and make the best of it as I can anyways. lol
I fought the good fight for 32 years to come to the same conclusion I did when I was 9. I need to transition to fix this.
If you are trans please do something when you are relatively young. Get into a gender therapist asap. (its only scary the first session)

[Silver]

You can't. Just really, really think about it. Try to ignore it, if it's really that persistent then you may want to do something about it.

[Nicky]

I am not sure anybody can say 100%, especially near the start of your journey, but you can turn this around and think about it another way.

I think you could say 100% sure that you are not like other 'girls'. Once you can do that you can decide that being a girl is not for you, 110%. From there you can focus on what you do want. Ignore the whole idea of being trans for now. Look at what you want, and work towards that.

For myself I could always say definitly that I was not like other boys and that I was 100% certain I did not feel like a boy, there was some comfort in that. The rest was jsut a case of working out what I did want.

[tekla]

Well before Alyssa gets here, let's at least agree that 110% of anything is not possible.

[Nicky]

I agree with you 110%

[tekla]

And I agree with you 40,000%

[Nicky]

Damn, can't top that,

but wait, I agree with you Infinity%
Post Merge: February 03, 2010, 05:00:22 PM
, um but actually I think you can have 110% of something e.g. 110% of 100 is 110...

[tekla]

I don't think so.  But thanks for playing our game.  It's possible to have a > 100% increase or decrease, but in a static system, 100% is full.

And what the question is really asking is "How can I be absolutely sure?" And the answer is, "you can't."  Americans are fond of saying the only sure things are 'death and taxes' but they never met my accountant.  Death is, but only in the long run.  People jump off the Golden Gate Bridge all the time.  It's 220 feet (67 m) at mean high water - so more or less you're going to hit the water at 110 MPH.  But even then, it's only 98/99% fatal.  That's pretty sure, but not absolute.  People jump and live.  (Interesting fact: in a survey of such survivors none of them ever attempted suicide again.)  Nothing is absolute.

[IndigeoAliquis]

Didn't they put in a net for jumpers, or are working on installing said net?

Ohh and let's not get started on math, statistics,... and somehow work our way to string theory vis-a-vis gender roles and androgyny.

Though, that would be freakin' awesome to see. xD

[K8]

I'm sorry to try to drag this back to the topic at hand, but I think that certainty comes over time and with experience.

For me, the starting point was to try to ease into dealing with my lifelong gender issues.  I talked to a therapist.  I went to a couple of events presenting myself as a woman (best as I could).  I talked to friends.  I read as much as I could, including on this forum.

With each step I wanted to take the next step.  But you may decide that you don't.  Each of our paths is different.

As I got deeper and deeper into transition, I became more certain.  But in the beginning I wasn't.  I just proceeded to the next thing, saw how I felt, and then decided whether to take the next step.

Now that I have been full time for over 9 months and am out to everyone who knows me, I am absolutely certain I am doing the right thing.  There is not a single doubt in my mind.  And this isn't: "I'm afraid to admit doubt."  This is: "I know."

My point, though, is there is a lot to cover between "am I?" and "I know".  Take it a little at a time.  Explore.

And good luck in your explorations.

- Kate

[prettytg]

I know from myself i knew i was transgender through having a breakdown at 13. Hormones going up & up was the factor. Only you can decide what you are and what u need to do. If its counselling, then it needs to be done. Good luck with your decisions in life.

[Janet_Girl]

I have been told two different therapist over the years that I am a 'by the book' transsexual, but how could I know for sure.

Like Sandy said, because I say I am.  Self-acceptance is the most important part of this whole merry-go-round.  I am because I said so.

[Alice]

I was not sure when I started HRT but I was hoping I was right. I am glad I at least tried HRT so I could rule it out for the present furture - it just was not working for me.

Alice

[Just Kate]

How can I be 110% sure that I am really transgenderd and am not just doing this for some 12 year old girls, that consider me cute. I know when I was littler I used to wanna be a boy. Then when I was around 10 the thoughts went away, but over the past 4 months have been coming back! This was after I told a bunch of girls I was a boy, and they have been making me feel awesome ever since.

Now I just get sad over it. I cant stop thinking about it, I want to cut my hair, I want to actually take testosterone! If I could have chosen to be a boy, I would have straight away! But there are times through out the day, particularly at school where I dont mind being a girl and just look at myself as being stupid for ever thinking this stuff in the first place. But then again, most mornings or nights I get caught up in how much I wanna be a boy!

For the record I have felt the same way.

My question for you though is, what will you do if you find out you are real/unreal?  Does it matter or change the dysphoria you believe you feel?  Will finding out your aren't "real" mean you will suddenly be able to deal with your GID?  Does finding out you are "real" suddenly give you justification to transition or make you feel like you don't have a choice now and must become male?

Answering those questions will do more good for you than trying to work out if you are real or not - that will just have you spinning in circles - there is no way to know because there is no clear definition of "real."