Gender myopia

[Casey]

First, I apologize for disappearing the way I did. It just became a case of too much too fast. Back in early March I joined my first CD forum thinking that I was finally accepting who I was. Six months later I was already calling myself an androgyne and knew that's what I am. Basically I went from zero to six million in way too short a time. I concentrated so hard on being transgendered that I forgot to be a human and I sort of freaked. I'm sorry.

I was wondering if anybody else has gender myopia. I'm too steeped in gender-based culture to truly be gender blind but after talking with my psychologist Monday I get the feeling that I'm not like most people. And I wonder if that's part of being androgynous or transgendered, or maybe just a different outlook.

People talk about whether you have a gender preference when it comes to things like therapists and teachers. And my first reaction is to ask (not out loud) if there's a difference. Supposedly men tend to be one way and women tend to be another. Even when I go looking for differences from my own experiences I keep coming back to "well that's just how that person is".

I understand the concepts of man and woman. But when I deal with a person I deal with an individual, not a concept. I don't give a hang if 76.129% of men are like N, the only important question is "is HE like N". Because that's the reality of it. It does me no good if most men are like that if he's not like that. So for that his gender becomes moot.

I've had people tell me that it's cool that I can see people like that, as if that's a bit unusual or something. So is that part of being an androgyne, part of being transgendered, or just how some people are? The fact that this is just a natural thing for me, that is.

[Laurry]

Welcome back Casey!

No need to appologize...we all deal with things in our own manner.  In fact, I have been going through something similar and have stepped back a little to take a new look at myself.  I'm reasonably sure I will come to the same conclusion, but need to go back to the basics to build the proper foundation.

I was wondering if anybody else has gender myopia. I'm too steeped in gender-based culture to truly be gender blind but after talking with my psychologist Monday I get the feeling that I'm not like most people. And I wonder if that's part of being androgynous or transgendered, or maybe just a different outlook.

People talk about whether you have a gender preference when it comes to things like therapists and teachers. And my first reaction is to ask (not out loud) if there's a difference. Supposedly men tend to be one way and women tend to be another. Even when I go looking for differences from my own experiences I keep coming back to "well that's just how that person is".

I understand the concepts of man and woman. But when I deal with a person I deal with an individual, not a concept. I don't give a hang if 76.129% of men are like N, the only important question is "is HE like N". Because that's the reality of it. It does me no good if most men are like that if he's not like that. So for that his gender becomes moot.

I understand exactly what you are saying.  As a general rule, I relate better to women than men.  And yes, when meeting someone for the first time, I probably have some preconceived notions of how they will act based on their sex, but as soon as they begin speaking, those get thrown out and I also think "that's just how that person is".

I tend to think that most people have a mixture of male and female traits.  In some ways, this causes me some confusion about being Androgyne...am I a male with many female traits, or am I Andogyne?  At what point does one move from Male to Androgyne?  For those who are bi-gendered, this question may not apply, but for the Intergendered, that is the crux of the issue (at least for me).

I've had people tell me that it's cool that I can see people like that, as if that's a bit unusual or something. So is that part of being an androgyne, part of being transgendered, or just how some people are? The fact that this is just a natural thing for me, that is.

I see people the same as you.  It is not something I work toward, it's just how I am.  And the same question applies...does it relate to being transgendered, androgyne or just how some folks are?  If you figure anything out, let me know.  Just know that you aren't alone in this, and I consider it to be a gift that we were given...something else to be thankful for.

.....Laurie

[Casey]

Thanks Laurie. It's nice to know I'm not alone in that. I didn't think all that much of it until my therapist said something along the "wow that's cool" lines. If he could read my face he didn't let on. LOL (meaning I was caught off guard by his comment)

I consider it a gift too irregardless of where it comes from. And I know what you mean about that relatively fleeting moment of having preconceived ideas about someone. That's why I think of it as gender myopia instead of gender blindness. I think I was taught those preconceived notions but the myopia is me just being me.

I tend to think that most people have a mixture of male and female traits.  In some ways, this causes me some confusion about being Androgyne...am I a male with many female traits, or am I Andogyne?  At what point does one move from Male to Androgyne?  For those who are bi-gendered, this question may not apply, but for the Intergendered, that is the crux of the issue (at least for me).

I go through this too. I think the problem is being male is half right. It was never the male side of me that made me realize something isn't quite right. It was the female side that clued me in, and it was the female side that I tried so hard to hide for so long. It seems to be that when I sit down and think about things that I begin to have my doubts about myself. But when I'm not thinking about it and I'm just allowing myself to be and to feel, that's when I know that I'm half-male, half female, and all androgyne.

I wonder sometimes if that is me still trying to hide myself from me. Because those doubts don't come when I'm feeling good about myself. That may simply be some messages that I can't quite erase yet.

I honestly can't say when you move from being male to being androgyne. I guess it's just something you know when you're "at rest". Have you taken those COGIATI tests? When I get to those questions about how there's a pill that can make me completely happy as male or female without the other side, I feel like they're asking me to contemplate cutting myself in half vertically and throwing one half away. That's how I know I'm a classic half-and-half androgyne. But I would say that if you can't imagine yourself functioning normally without your female side, if it's so intertwined in your being that to kill the female side is to effectively kill the male side too, then you've probably crossed from male to androgyne.

Or I should say this would make you an intergendered androgyne. I would imaging a bi-gendered (boy that word looks odd without the hyphen) androgyne would feel stuck in female mode without the male side and vice versa. I'm not bi-gendered so I may not know whereof I speak.