Sadly, I'm not post op and my outlook in that direction is very hazy.
However, I too know the place you're in.
I wanted a home I could call my own. My house, where I didn't have to worry about some landlord.
I would drown my misery in alcohol and blow. Other times, I would buy silly stuff to give myself a lift.
But eventually, I started to look at my objectives. My money stopped being a means to escape. It stopped being a route to temporary happiness.
I realised that my money was a building block toward my goals.
Each block, however small, was one block closer.
I stopped drinking, smoking blow, wasting on anything, other than what I really needed.
Hard? You betcha. But I eventually managed to get my mortgage, 25 years, and paid it off in 13 years. I would have paid it off in 10, but started drinking again to socialise. That had to go for other, more serious reasons, but that's another story.
OK. I know the last thing you want to hear is a leacture about blow.
I have nothing against blow. But every penny you save is a step closer.
And when you think of spending some of your growing pot of gold, just think of it as your life. Even a few pounds/dollars out of that is a bit longer you will have to wait.
My pot was my secret. No-one knew about it. But it was the key to my front door.
Yours can be the secret zipper, to take off the covering you have and reveal the person you know you are.
