Hello Susans's peeps!
I've been away for quite some time. I remember posting here til the wee hours, getting embroiled in all sorts of controversy sometimes, and at other times offering my honest opinion to those seeking answers. There were times that I would take sabbatical from the site, only to return from time to time. I don't know exactly what I expected to find. Shared experiences I guess. But all the voices together became like the Whos in Whoville, and became one strong voice. I guess that, in itself, is valuable to discover.....that you are not unique in your transsexual experience, and that others have shared similar experiences.
Lately, I have felt myself being pulled into another fold of existence. I'm back where I started, only now when I look in the mirror, Beverly looks back and smiles, and when she speaks, I only hear her voice. I have friends outside my past, who only know me as Beverly, although most of them know I am ts. But that's because I didn't move states away, start a new life, cover all my tracks. I won't. I have a happy family life. The bad dream didn't come true for me. When I woke up, my family was there with open arms.
I transitioned, and everyone in my family understood and accepted. And now, I'm very busy getting on with ordinary things that occupy our time, and I don't look back. There is nothing to dread, looking back.
The terrible times when I was barely passable, working in a very hostile environment, the times wondering.....is it all worth the trouble.....did I ruin my life, my family.....finding Bev's voice.....all those things are like the illness I had last fall and winter. It almost killed me, but didn't, and I came out the other end healthy. That's how I came out of my transition, healthy.
I haven't turned my back. I'm very interested in promoting diversity rights, and doing what I can to help. But I'm back in the mainstream, and I suppose that is the thrust of this longish ramble.
Bev
