My ego is so fragile

[Silver]

Looking at myself, really, there are about three ways to get the GID to let me alone.

Escapism- Focus on other things. New goals, new ideas, math, reading, video games, anything non-physical.

Delusion- Convince myself that my goal of one day really being a man is not, in fact, impossible. That I am not that feminine. Oh, and passing helps.

Hope- Looking towards the future, trying not to think too much about the present. This is more of a blend of the other two.

It's odd and quite fickle. Sometimes all it takes is a little comment to send me off into angst. Sometimes I'll ignore all kinds of things. I'm trying not to let these kinds of things to get me down. But really, my ego is so fragile. I need to base it on other things. I think I'll work harder on math, then base it off that. Not only will it stay with me within my mind, but there are plenty of people lacking mathematical ability to make me feel better. It's useful.

I guess this is something of a blog post. I can't get a blog here because of the new rules. Meh, so anybody else notice the fragility of their ego? Any helpful life advice that I'm missing?

[Myself]

why delusion? you seem to be passing great already! just add T to the mix and maybe top surgery and you should be just like any other man.

Well almost, that's where hope comes in, for the bottom part.

[Carson]

How is knowing that really being a man a delusion?

Honestly, the cure for all this is to change your mindset, you already are a "real" man... it doesn't matter what form you are in. you are still a man. consciousness precedes existence. Yes the current form might suck but that doesn't mean you can't be a man, now or later.

[Nimetön]

I guess this is something of a blog post. I can't get a blog here because of the new rules. Meh, so anybody else notice the fragility of their ego? Any helpful life advice that I'm missing?

This is very common, not merely with GID, but with a great many diseases, and the same behaviors are common among prisoners.  So long as you don't grow so attached to fantasy that you begin to alienate yourself from reality, you're simply coping with the problem.  The real threat comes from the loss of temporal context; when you begin to believe that life will always be this painful, you're in danger.

As I keep repeating (like a well-trained little parrot), your hope is no delusion; life gets a great deal better.  In all likelihood, there will come a day when no one would dream that you aren't a biomale, a day when you have a job and a family of your own, and when you vanish from the support sites and go on to lead a fairly normal and happy life.

Mathematics is an excellent path, and the key to many careers.  I know one trans engineer who is very successful and remarkably happy, and also does some beautiful Tai Chi.  She got through the pain the same way many of us survive difficult times; she poured her life into her math, her engineering, the sciences.  Also, she developed an incredible sense of geek-humor.

- N

[Jamie]

I agree with Carson - you are a man!

I understand you completely, because sometimes I'm just trying to do other things or to think on something else, so I wouldn't have to think about all this mess.
It's all just frustrating, isn't it?
Try focusing on other things. No matter how small...

[Silver]

Not a man yet, and it's rather hard to believe at the moment.

Yep, finding things to be interested. Just enrolled in the hard math courses (well, hard for a high school) and I'll see how it goes.

Just looking forward. At least I'm on the right track right now (err, I think I am.)

Thanks for the replies guys.