Crossdressers in the third person - lack of integration?

[Alice]

So funny seing my old post here as soon as I have come back.


Alice

[Lyric]

During my early, struggle-with-to-figure-myself-out years (quite a few, actually), I suppose I did as many crossdressers do and thought of/referred to my femininity as a separate person. It occurred to me that this was actually divisive and treating this aspect of myself as if it were not "me". I like doing  art and woodworking, but I don't have a separate name for myself when I do them. Femininity is simply not a separate "personality" for me, any more than a G-woman is a different personality when wearing formal clothes than when she's doing housework in jeans and sweats. Most everyone feels and behaves a bit differently according to occasion and their mode of dress. I just look at as the same thing. Even if I use a different name (from my usual one), it's really just the same me with a different label.

I think it's the pressures of culture that drive people to do the third person thing for the most part. It's a matter of self-acceptance. Until you accept that the person in the mirror wearing the dress is actually who you are, you'll never be fully happy with yourself.

[jill_cd_girl]

Interesting question. I think one very simple explanation is that it's easier to denote oneself qua dressed using the fem-name rather than always tacking on "as dressed up" or "while dressed up" after the first-person pronoun. So, rather than indicating some sort of strict psychological duality, perhaps it's just a result of being easier with respect to linguistic usage. This is certainly a less interesting explanation, but it is one.

Personally, I don't think I've ever actually referred to myself in the third-person, and if I did, it was a rare occurrence. So, typically I'll say something like "I went to the store all dressed up", where I assume that the context of the forums makes it clear that "dressed up" means that I'm crossdressed.

[noeleena]

Hi..
    My  birth name is both female & male , noel ,noeleena
   I never saw my self as female or male & as i found out i am a  andro . of cause while a youngin i did not know that . & even then i only  found out 3 years ago what that ment,

Of cause being a mix of both was much easyer for me to live as a woman yet i dont reject my male  life at all thats still a part of who i am ,

  so never used the third person  in fact that never made sence to me  i do understand others needs to do that .
  Because of how i m wired i just saw the both as the same so much better for me growing up .

   ...noeleena...

[Rose2Me]

"Lack of integration" being brought on by a necessity to keep both sides separate.  As others have written, my life, my relationships, my career, all would be impacted negatively if I started answering to Rose instead of my male name.  I am satisfied with my life as it is, with a wife who accepts and encourages my feminine side.  This being said, I refer to "Rose" in order to communicate easily with others on this site and others when I say things like "Rose relaxed around the house today" because others know what I mean when I say that.  I don't think I have a split-personality, its just an easier way to say that I have doffed the male clothes and am dressing and acting as the woman within me would.  The woman that I am, but am unable to live full time.

Rose

[GingerCD]

"Lack of integration" being brought on by a necessity to keep both sides separate.  As others have written, my life, my relationships, my career, all would be impacted negatively if I started answering to Rose instead of my male name.  I am satisfied with my life as it is, with a wife who accepts and encourages my feminine side.  This being said, I refer to "Rose" in order to communicate easily with others on this site and others when I say things like "Rose relaxed around the house today" because others know what I mean when I say that.  I don't think I have a split-personality, its just an easier way to say that I have doffed the male clothes and am dressing and acting as the woman within me would.  The woman that I am, but am unable to live full time.

Rose

Well put!

[gail123]

The question of integration is very interesting, and somewhat vexing.
I don't think I'm very well integrated, although I must admit to being somewhat unsure as to what a fully integrated personality would be.
As a young man (I'm 62 now) I gave this question a lot of thought, and the best I could come up with is there is no such thing as a core person. We're all just a collection of quirks, and tics, coupled with innate dispositions and learned behavior. This smorgasbord is subject to drastic change over the coarse of a lifetime, and in no way indicative of a core unchanging personality. That idea belongs to the realm of faith.
At least that's what I tell myself, but as stated I'm not well integrated.
And at the same time I write this I'm stuck with trying to explain why I have a deep belief that I missed out as young man by not undergoing a complete transformation instead of existing on the periphery neither fish nor fowl. So I'm forced to admit my thoughts smack of rationalization.
And I end up where I began somewhat confused on the one hand lacking a belief in the existence of a core person, but on the other hand filled with a great sense of losing something very precious.