What have you lost due to transition?‏

[Valentina]

We oftentimes hear about what we've gained by transitioning...e.g. freedom, happiness, being ourselves, a marvelous new life, yet we're not used to talking or hearing about the things we've lost due to transition.  This discussion thread addresses that very issue.

What have you lost due to transition?

[Silver]

Lost the ability to be at least a little comfortable with my mother. A little disillusioned with people. Lost confidence in my ability to stay sane in the face of problems. In being more open with my emotions, I find that I have mood swings and recognize little irritating "attacks" of GID.

Nothing serious yet.

[Birdie]

The biggest loss to me has been my family. Not the one I started with but the one I could have had. I so desperately wanted kids and a husband, that's been my big dream for my life. But I'm post-op, so having children will be an actual factual miracle. Plus, I can barely get a guy to speak to me, let alone go on a date (It's been seven years since my last one).

It's been hard to give up the dream, but setting different goals and finding other things to work towards in life makes the journey much easier. The only time it really upsets me now is when I think about getting older. My grandma needs my mother and her siblings to help her out and counts on them as a source of company and conversation. I get scared sometimes thinking about what life will be like at her age without a family to depend on. It's had to sleep through thoughts like those.

I still collect wedding ideas and nice baby names though. 

[Julie Wilson]

What have I lost due to transition?

I never had anything before transition, not even myself.

Now I have a life and a reason to live.

I lost nothing.

[MeghanAndrews]

1. Income - I have a lower paying job in a new career now.
2. Some friends - I think this is more just to changes to me and what we're both looking for in a friendship. When you only have the past in common, it's really hard to carry on a meaningful relationship unless you have some common things other than the past to pull you together.

I think that's it. Not to sound like a broken record, but I had a relatively easy transition. My family was accepting as were my friend for the most part. The job thing, I'm really looking forward to starting again and building a new career for myself

[vanna]

i lost verry little,
maybe my draw of boxer shorts, i however gained the real me, much better pay, understanding, kindness and happiness and it can only get better

[azSam]

So far I have not lost much or anything. My relationship with my father is a little bit awkward, but that's the only problem.

[Dana Lane]

I haven't finished my transition yet so I am a bit in limbo. I present as female though knowingly not a passable one. This limbo state takes away some of my freedoms such as where I can go. I live in an area that is a bit rednecky and am moving in a few months to a more friendly atmosphere. I have also lost the realistic ability to have an intimate relationship with someone due to the in-between status.

Other than that, all is good and I am a happy camper so far.

[FairyGirl]

I lost a lifetime of living a lie, I lost a deep and abiding sadness that permeated my soul from childhood, I lost a shadow existence that could never be a real life at all. I've gained immeasurably more than anything I've lost.

[Jillieann Rose]

The relationship has changed with my spouse.
I have lost our intimate times.
And I may eventual loser her
Jillieann

[Alyssa M.]

Money.

[Sarah B]

I lost one thing I care about the most and that was having the ability to have my own children.  I remember sitting in my car in the car park at the hospital, just about to be dropped of for my surgery and I realised that I should have planned to have children.  I realised the finality of my decision, I was going to be sterilized, I was probably already sterilized by the hormones I was taking.  Yes, what I was about to proceed with was much more final than the simple cut (snip).

I lost a lifeless existence, which was finally replaced with an energetic and vibrant person who cares for the people, I have around me.  I too have gained far more from my new life than I will ever know and finally I lost the first person I truly loved.

All things considered, for what I have given up or lost is insignificant compared to what I have now (with the exception of having my own children).  I have never ever regretted what I have done and I will always be eternally grateful to my surgeon for what he did for me and that was to give me my life.

Kind regards
Sarah B

[Nero]

The ability to grope random men.

[Saskia]

Most of my family and some friends, a lousy job in the UK and being broke most of the time

Now I am comfortably well off, have a great career for a large US Company, and good friends/colleagues who know nothing of my past.

so the gains in my case far outway the losses

[K8]

I lost a lifetime of living a lie, I lost a deep and abiding sadness that permeated my soul from childhood, I lost a shadow existence that could never be a real life at all. I've gained immeasurably more than anything I've lost.

What she said. 

My next door neighbor is not as friendly.  I don't seem to be as physically strong as I was.  And this has cost a fair amount of money.  But otherwise I've only gained.  My friends are closer because I'm more open.  I have lots more fun.  And I gained some courage.

I've gained me and I've gained a life.

- Kate

[juliekins]

Let's see:

* A relationship with my mom, 3 brothers and one sister. They all went silent on me. My father and I speak every couple of weeks only by phone, and only when I call him.
* My business which I sold to pay for surgery. Money in the bank is a fading memory.
* Male privalege in terms of always being taken seriously just because I was male. (I know, isn't that crazy?)
* The ability to just get up and run out of the house without any effort and looking a mess!
* Strength. I can't lift what I once did, but then do I really still want to?
* Sex as a guy. Yuck, who wanted that in the first place?
*Lost a lousy marriage. That shouldn't count as a loss, however! 

All in all though, I've gained so much. I'm in a wonderful relationship with Julie Marie, and would not have been able to had I not had the courage to be myself. I also preserved a wonderful relationship with my son and daughter. I have also made so many wonderful new friends, both trans and not. I am also living my life truthfully with no regrets. I can't imagine being anyone other than Julie Kristine. Wasn't I always?

Ps. I just posted a couple of polls regarding job loss and earnings in the poll section. Please participate, thanks!

[Syne]

Money.

2 people who were not really friends after all. no big loss.

The ability to pee standing up without getting my hands soaked.

[Myself]

Money.

I second that!

I only gained. I gained confidence, I gained myself, I gained my family, our relationship is better than ever!
I gained freedom, I gained(and gaining) my body, I gained so much.

When I wasn't treating myself I lost things, then I lost: my family, myself, 3 or 4 years of university, my first original teenage years, friends who thought I am too girly and weird, my self expression because I wasn't allowed to as it was unacceptable and probably many other things.

[Flan]

I lost my sanity a while ago

other then money I guess the only thing I lost was years of crap, both around me in the form of horded junk, and in my mind, the defensive mechanisms put up as result of depression and emotional trauma.

[Natasha]

money.  lots of it.