Don't have it in me to go to the store anymore

[JillEclipse]

Hi, I am slightly paranoid. I went to the store several times to purchase makeup. Its a few blocks away from my house.

But I don't have the nerve to do it anymore. I get a very weird feeling that everyone is looking at me when I am in the makeup section, which is right next to the front door. When I'm at the store I wear a mask BUT it is easy to tell I am a guy since I am very tall and have a masculine build. I feel very nervous when browsing through makeup and often I purchase the wrong makeup or don't take the time to find the makeup and end up wasting my money. When I am at the cashier sometimes they give me funny looks and I try not to look them directly in the eye.

My makeup is running low and I know this sounds weak but I do not have the courage to go to the store. Every time I went to the store the fear has gotten worse and worse. Now the fear has gotten to the point where I do not even want to leave my house. I do not live in a LGBT friendly neibourhood I think.

[cynthialee]

Maybe you can go across town to an area that you are not known and be a little more relaxed.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

Get a friend to go with you. You CAN do it. Fck what they think! Just go about your business. It's not their business. This is how I learned to let go, and I'm a happier person cause of it. I used to be horribly self conscious and had major social anxiety but now I'm cool...I adopted the fck it attitude.

[JillEclipse]

lol I don't have any friends. well not near my house at least. anyway the store has no idea who i am, but i just feel extremely afraid. i know it sounds incongrous because i walk around campus wearing makeup, but yeah.

[Nero]

What brand do you use? They probably have it online and if not, something similar probably. I hated to shop, until i discovered I could do it online.

[Autumn]

If they're staring at you, it's probably because you're acting like a shoplifter.

[K8]

If they're staring at you, it's probably because you're acting like a shoplifter.

I agree.  If you look nervous, they will watch you more closely.

You say you wear a mask.  A literal mask?  No wonder they are watching you like crazy.  Or do you mean a metaphorical mask - pretending not to care even though you do?

I found that if I acted like I belonged there and was doing what is natural, people pretty much ignored me.  I also got to the point where I didn't care if I was presenting male and buying panties or makeup.  Lots of men buy panties and makeup for themselves.  If the clerks have worked in the profession for a while they realize that.  Perhaps if you ask for asistance they will relax.  ("Gee, I've tried such-and-such brand but it doesn't seem to work well for me.  What else do you have?")  Make it normal.

Just try to relax.  You are doing absolutely nothing wrong.  Shop with confidence.

Good luck, dear.

- Kate

[Byren]

No worries, friend! Coming from a long-time retail employee, trust me...the employees really don't care. Like what was said above, if you look nervous, they WILL watch you, especially in a high-theft area like makeup. But, if you just act natural and confident, they'll ignore you completely. All they want to do is end their shift and go home. Trust me.

As for the other customers, just think...you'll probably never ever see those people again, so what does it matter what they think? They don't know who you are. You have every right to be there and buy whatever the heck you want. And also, if someone IS looking at you....just look back at them, smile, and say hello. Works every time.

I used to be really, really paranoid about shopping in mens. But then I thought...what does it matter? It's my money, and my life...I'm not going to let anybody make me nervous or ashamed of it.

Go get 'em tiger! 

[Rhonda*]

I don't know how far you are in your transition, but from reading at the beginning of your post, I assume you have gone out shopping before. The most important step about transitioning, is learning to deal with the "fear" about what other people may think or say. I've dealt with that fear from my own experiences, and yes there are times when we might have relapses of the fear, but you must not let it consume you. Fear does has a weakness, and it is called "courage" yet fear tries to take over, and so courage is replace with love. As others here had said that if you look nervous, then yes that gives the security cameras a reason to watch you, but if you walk in the store feeling confident about yourself, knowing what you want to purchase, and finding it in a claim way, then you'll be just fine.       

[Nemo]

What I'd like to say:

What is it to them what you do at the store? Hell, enough guys buy make-up, lingerie etc. for their female partners don't they? How do they know you're not doing the same? It's not even their business. Just chill and go in like you don't care.

The reality:

People assume, especially if you're nervous and/or try to hide who you are. It's easy to say "relax, you'll be fine", but I know it doesn't feel that way. My heart was racing the first time I went into a charity shop to browse - I just skimmed over the men's feeling like it'd look too odd if I browsed further, even though I've bought past boyfriends clothing as presents. Just something about knowing why you're going in there and thinking everyone else can tell. Having said that though, I went into TKMaxx, made for the men's part after noticing other women go down there (sounds daft, maybe), and was soon browsing the Tshirts with a growing smile, even though I still felt a little twitchy - it also felt great

Still, Ebay is your friend - that's my main place to shop these days, just 'cause it can be a lot more affordable Not to mention, especially for someone with alternative taste like me, you're more likely to find things you can't find on the high street.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

See...I get a kick out of confusing the ->-bleeped-<- out of people and going up to them as a man and asking about make up...would be funny to me. Just laugh in your head...take a sick pleasure in it. Lol.