Got an appointment for a trans-cousellor. Should be happy but...

[Artificial Man]

So, yeah, I got an appointment to someone who works for the local trans-support organization. And I know I should be very happy. In a way I am, but still, I'm nervous as hell: what if things go wrong?

Basically this is my chance to start everything and yet I'm worried about alot of things: what if I don't make myself clear enough or what if they think I'm just a regular male and I should learn to deal with it?

Yeah basically I just keep telling myself that what if they come to the conclusion that I am not a trans-person after all. I know it's stupid - after all I've been thinking about it for years now and everything's so clear in my head, yet these doubts arrive now finally before The Big Day.

Some people have told me that I should just be as honest as possible and yeah, I do agree with that completely. But it doesn't help me in my current situation. So I'm asking, are these doubts common in a similar situation or is it just me? And what do these doubts mean? Do they mean that maybe I've been wrong all along my whole life?

As you can see, I have so many mixed thoughts that I can't think clearly, so I'm hoping someone would tell me about their experience and say what they think.

[hkgurl1480]

Hi AM
I had my first psych session last week.  I can totally relate to what you are feeling, the nerves, doubts etc.  It was quite scary. When the day came I was very calm all day.  I was hopeful that the first session would clarify any lingering doubts i had about who i am.  I think it is best to be as open and honest as you can, which i was.  Thankfully i felt comfortable with the therapist within a few minutes.
For me it was satisfying to find out that yes i am a girl and it is not just all in my head, so to speak.
Don't stress it too much and be honest.  Hope it goes well for you.

Shelly
xx

[vrony]

hi AM,
I cant offer you any advice because i am 1 step behind you cos i only went to see my GP last week to ask to be refered to a GIC  but i do understand how your  feeling at the moment. Just be yourself because thats all you can be. I'm sure its just normal to be nervous.  (thats what i keep telling myself)

Good luck

vrony 

[Artificial Man]

thank you both for your replies. It makes me glad to know it's not strange to have these doubts.

Hi AM
I had my first psych session last week.  I can totally relate to what you are feeling, the nerves, doubts etc.  It was quite scary. When the day came I was very calm all day.  I was hopeful that the first session would clarify any lingering doubts i had about who i am.  I think it is best to be as open and honest as you can, which i was.  Thankfully i felt comfortable with the therapist within a few minutes.
For me it was satisfying to find out that yes i am a girl and it is not just all in my head, so to speak.
Don't stress it too much and be honest.  Hope it goes well for you.

Shelly
xx

I really do hope that my doubts would be cleared after the first session with the cousellor. I'm not sure why I have so many mixed thoughts because after all I've been talking to my therapist about it for a while now and I've been thinking about et even much longer than that. But still something in the back of my head wonders whether I will ever be the perfect transperson, and if not, does that mean that I'm not trans at all.

Well, I guess I just have to be patient and see how the meeting goes. It's next wednesday. I actually have my therapy session just before that, so that means I get to talk about it very throroughly.

I do keep wondering however if there are things I should think about before hand that I might want to discuss with the cousellor.

[rejennyrated]

I'm probably one of the oldest hands on here. I went through it all nearly 30 years ago.

Take it from someone who has been there and got the tee shirt - we ALL have those worries at the start, even those of us who were lucky enough to grow up with a sympathetic family.

So don't worry.

[Janet_Girl]

All you have to do is state your case and why you feel that way.  If the therapist is familiar with trans-issues, you would be telling them anything they haven't heard already.

[JennaLee]

I've had a half dozen sessions with my therapist and am no expert.  However, it is not the therapists job to change how you feel, only to help you understand how you feel.

Seems to me, the thing that determines if you are transgendered is that you feel that way. No one else in the world can tell you different. They can help you decide what to do about it and how to go about what you want to accomplish.

At least... that's my opinion.

[umop ap!sdn]

We tend to view our therapists as "gate keepers" whom we must satisfy before they will "let" us transition. In reality, it's not like that at all. They are in the psychology/therapy practice because it's what they love to do; in the case of transgender patients, to see us develop and reach our full potential is quite a joy for the therapist.

Don't get hung up on feeling you have to tell your therapist exactly what they want to hear, or that you have to be a stereotype of your new gender. (Goodness knows I thought that, and it meant having to unlearn some misconceptions about what gender is all about.) Professionals recognize that it is our unwavering need to be who we feel we are that qualifies us for transition, not whether we resemble a "regular" male or "regular" female.

[vrony]

I hope your right about the therapists, i think what i worry about is thinking that you need to be suicidal before they take you serious and i'm not, in fact i am clear headed about the whole thing. In fact i've never been more determined about somethink in all my life. I know what i want and i'll do anything to make it happen.

vrony 

[JennaLee]

Vrony

That sounds like a pretty good opening statement to your therapist to me.

[Asfsd4214]

We tend to view our therapists as "gate keepers" whom we must satisfy before they will "let" us transition. In reality, it's not like that at all. They are in the psychology/therapy practice because it's what they love to do; in the case of transgender patients, to see us develop and reach our full potential is quite a joy for the therapist.

Don't get hung up on feeling you have to tell your therapist exactly what they want to hear, or that you have to be a stereotype of your new gender. (Goodness knows I thought that, and it meant having to unlearn some misconceptions about what gender is all about.) Professionals recognize that it is our unwavering need to be who we feel we are that qualifies us for transition, not whether we resemble a "regular" male or "regular" female.

My first two therapists said that recommendation for HRT was utterly out of the question unless I went full time straight away and for say, a year.

Soooooooo, yeah, I'm going to stick with view that a lot of them are just arbitrary gatekeepers.

[Artificial Man]

Many good points indeed. I guess I shouldn't be so nervous - after all, I've never in my life felt like a boy/man, so I should probably just tell the counselor that and try to explain to her why exactly do I feel that way.

I think my own therapist doesn't actually understand the issue all that well. So I feel like every time I talk about it, I have to be very clear about it and articulate my sentences extra carefully. At least that's the feeling I get when I start talking about this issue to my therapist.

Well, today I'm gonna go play board games, so that will take my mind off this whole thing, which suits just fine for me.

[Diane Elizabeth]

   I found out that when I went to my therapist that they are not there to judge whether we are or aren't.  They are there to help guide us to our own conclusions and help with our journey whereever it takes us.  I have been going since Christmas and really enjoy my visits.

[Rhonda*]

Its okay to feel a little nervous, it is expected during the first visit to see the therapist, I sure was in the beginning. Don't worry, try to relax. After awhile of repeated visits with the therapist, you will start to feel more relaxed.   

[Meshi]

Just be honest...If you try to analyze their questions, then will you get honest answers?? If you are truthful and you dont fit the criteria for TG then y would you want to project something your not? Maybe your not TG..Dont force yourself into something your not..You will regret it in the long run..

[Artificial Man]

Thanks for all your advices. Yeah, I think I'm feeling better now: I guess the problem with me has always been that I just get anxious with everything new (yeah, I suffer from some kind of mental problems including anxiety problems). But these past three days have given me alot of time to think and I'm feeling much better now.

Yeah, I am going to be honest right from the start. Of course the thing that might cause the most troubles is when I get to the actual transdiagnosis phase and they start to ask me questions about my mental health (I assume they want to know all about that). Even though I've come a long way and am much more stable than I was say three years ago, I still do feel like I might not be quite there yet, you know.

Well, tomorrow's the first day. I'll keep you informed how it all went

EDIT: "not" - not "now"

[Rhonda*]

Okay, keep us updated 

[K8]

Be as honest and open as you can.  You want them to help you - not some imagined representation of you.

It is perfectly normal to be nervous.  It is perfectly normal to show nervousness when you first start.  It is perfectly normal to have doubts.  (I continued having doubts even after I started RLE, although they came less frequently.)  Transition is a life-changing event.  Of course you have doubts.  Part of the therapist's job is to help you work through those.

Good luck AM.  Let us know how it goes.

- Kate

[Scribbled101]

I'm interested in hearing your side of the story as well, mainly because I'm in the same boat; overall, through the past sessions with my therapist (3 on this issue I believe) he has been surprisingly positive as I tried to remain as open-minded and honest as possible.

Honesty and an open mind are both definitely key in the process, but over time you gradually get more and more certain either way as a result.

Good luck!

[Artificial Man]

So I finally was able to log online (I don't have internet connection at my home currently, so I have to improvise to be able to log online).

So, first of all, in case you haven't noticed, I got privileges to put my pic as an avatar for me, and for that I'm very happy. Wiiiii

Other than that... Well I guess I should tell youall how the appointment went.

It went great actually: even though I still may have doubts, overall my decision to put things rolling - so to speak - was strenghtened. I am glad to have found the counselor to be a very supportive person. She told me how to get things started. Basically I'll have to ask my doctor to send me to the transdiagnosis tests.

However, I won't be able to see my doctor for a while, so it'll take some time. But, in the meanwhile, she also told me how to get involved with other trans people, and today I'm gonna go to my first group meeting. That's gonna be amazing I am sure, but it has got me anxious too. Nevertheless, I'm gonna go there and see what happens: hopefully they won't be biting too hard

Other than that, nothing new really. I only have thirty minutes left of my online-time so I'm gonna go - got a few other things to do in the net.

Post Merge: February 25, 2010, 04:17:01 PM
Finally got home - well, actually to my parents' place. Found out something really bummed in the group meeting: it seems that if you are not a strict transsexual, it's really hard if not impossible to get a surgery done in Finland. Sucks really bad, because all I wanted was to have my testicles removed and now I can't do that.

But the actual meeting went pretty well. There were alot of interesting people and even though the people there were all transsexuals this time I was very glad that I went there. The only problem was, I was pretty quiet most of the time, so I hope they didn't get the impression that I'm usually as quiet - because when I get to talking, I am usually quite loud.