Feeling forgotten...and in the way

[PaulyD]

lIt seems like the deeper he gets into his transition, the more forgotten I become, and in the way.

Like I've made a real effort at callin him he, and being supportive and even have told some friends that we hang out with about it. (one who is one of my closest friends and trust with my life.) and like my friend and her boyfriend have been great with it even to the point of correcting me when i slip with pronouns. and its like even with being supportive and being there, I'm in the way instead of helping.

Like I am so curious as to how he is feeling and what he is thinkin and dealing with and instead of opening up he turns here, which I know he needs other FTM support and opinions but it seems like hes not willing to share anything with me and would rather just talk on here or read different websites and if i try to get involved with what he is reading I get pushed away for intruding and invading his privacy.

Am i really so wrong for wanting to be involved?. I mean I'll be the first to admit i am still getting comfortable with the idea of transitoning and I'm not fully there yet but i feel i have made a lot of progress...I just want to know what he is going through and be there but i seem to just keep getting shut out. ....

this sucks..

[jesse]

im not sure how to advise on this pauli he should be happy you have taken such an active role in the process most dont i hope anouther ftm can advise you in how to procede hugs keep trying though
jessica

[spacial]

Like jesse, I too hope another FTM or even another significant other can advise and support you.

I can add, that after almost 30 years of marriage, there are many times when either of us has been facing a change in our life. The other frequently feels left out.

It is entirely unacceptable.

But the reasons are invariably that we are looking for something we feel we can find elsewhere. The solution has always been for the other to make their feelings known and for us to stop being selfish.

Your partner needs to know he is negleting you, your relationship and himself.

I've done the same thing, several times. I am so, very very sorry for what I did. I really hope he is big enough to realise and feel the same.

[LordKAT]

I'd bet he is still trying to understand himself and work on new job issues. He will talk when he feels comfortable enough in his own mind.  I would be most annoyed with anyone asking me how I'm feeling or dealing with stuff all the time and probably pull away just to avoid that.  Give some space.

[Nicky]

I don't think you are wrong. It is easy to get wrapped up in self discovery that we forget our loved ones. It is a rather private journey. But I don't think that excuses it entirely. If you are feeling shut out then that is something to address.

I do believe in space and obviously they need a private place to contemplate things for themselves. I know I hate my wife reading what I am looking at online unless I specifically have something to share. I often worry what impression it would give if I was looking at things like genital surgery when it is not something I am planning on doing in the near future. So I think they are entitled to their privacy online. There are just some things you don't want to discuss with a partner.

I think you are wonderful for wanting to be supportive and wanting to be there for them and be involved. I think the best you can do is talk. Tell them your concerns. Say that you want to be more involved. Say this " I mean I'll be the first to admit i am still getting comfortable with the idea of transitoning and I'm not fully there yet but i feel i have made a lot of progress...I just want to know what he is going through and be there but i seem to just keep getting shut out. ...."

[K8]

A lot of this journey happens inside of us.  I was very self-involved for quite a while.  My friends have been nice to put up with it.  (I have no partner.)  As I have continued I have become very talkative.  I don't know if I was going in the other direction whether I would have become un-talkative.  Perhaps as LordKAT said, he needs space.

I think that we can go through periods where we are so confused by all of the things going on that we just can't articulate them to another person.

But I also believe that a relationship needs frequent, open, clear communication to keep it healthy.

As a woman I would tell him that I want to go with him on this journey and that I'd like him to tell me what is going on so that I can be with him.  I don't know that as a man he would understand or accept that.

It's a hard road for those who are walking it, including those who accompany us.

*hugs*
Kate