My Mother Is So Clueless...

[Alex_I_Think]

Okay, so I ask my mother what she wants for her birthday and she says all she want is for me to start acting and dressing more feminine... Ouch.

I was sitting in the passenger seat beside her wearing men's clothing and my packer. I've refused to carry a purse anymore and I keep dropping hints that I'm a guy. She just doesn't get it.

I'm not ready to just come out and tell her, but I figured if I kept being myself around her she'd notice on her own. And that's the reaction she had. She said I'd let myself get too frumpy.

She wants to take me out to buy some "nicer" clothes... How do I get out of this. I don't think I can stomach a day trying on women's clothes.

[Carson]

I know you are hoping that she will just notice on her own but people see what they want to see, she won't see on her own and definitely won't admit it. You are just going to have to tell her. I know it sucks, thats exactly what I went through with my parents.

[Devin87]

If you really don't want to come out at the moment, just tell her no thank you to the clothes.  Say you really appreciate her offer to buy you new clothes and you would love to spend time with her, but you're very happy with the way you dress and you don't want to change it.  Then suggest maybe you go out to eat or go to the movies or do something else to spend time together that day.

[Lachlann]

Honestly, she's probably not clueless, she probably knows which is why she suggested it. She might not know why exactly you dress that way but she knows something is going on.

Devin has a good suggestion imo.

[Alex_I_Think]

Thanks guys.

I know I'm going to have to come out to her eventually. I'm hoping to talk to my therapist about it... if I get in at CAMH. I've got an appointment with my GP next week to ask for a referral.

[Radar]

She said I'd let myself get too frumpy.

My grandmother said that to me when I was a teenager. She also referred it to being "in a rut". Ugh. I feel your pain.

[Lachlann]

Thanks guys.

I know I'm going to have to come out to her eventually. I'm hoping to talk to my therapist about it... if I get in at CAMH. I've got an appointment with my GP next week to ask for a referral.

I'd personally stay away from CAMH. I go to a therapist and an endo in London Ontario just so I don't have to deal with Zucker and other clinics in Toronto wouldn't take me in.

There's a clinic in Toronto called Sherbourne that should be able to help you considering you live in Toronto.

It's ultimately up to you, but CAMH isn't too great of a place to be at.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

I just came out and said it. I felt better once I did. Instead of beating around the bush. But that's me. And I know it sounds mean, but I didn't care if I hurt my mom when I said it. I did care if I hurt my g'ma..but I told her too when she was alive and she still loved the hell out of me.

[sneakersjay]

I would say that not many people let alone parents would guess that a girl wearing boy's clothing and making herself look androgynous or masculine would mean that she is trans.  (F pronouns used here from Mom's perspective).  Most, if they had to guess, would think tomboy, or possibly lesbian.  And most parents likely don't want to admit their daughter might be lesbian, either!

Some parents might mistake the androgynous/masculine clothing for not caring about appearances and just being sloppy, or maybe even depression.  Trans issues aren't at the top of their list!

So I think you're going to have to come out if you want her to understand that you're not a tomboyish girl; you're actually a guy.

It's scary, but we've all been there.

Jay

[kisschittybangbang]

ouch... hun... that sounds so horrid! maybe get her something nice... and wait till after her birthday... after that i suggest doing some soul searching about coming out with the whole shebang...

We're all here for you!!

(Maybe she'd like something sweet  perfume or something sentimental? or... do what i do for my mother... clean the entire house and scrub the walls?)

[Alex_I_Think]

That is a really good idea. I think that's what I'll do for her birthday since I'm definitely short on cash this year. Thanks

[Devin87]

Ugg.  I just had a similar experience just now.  I was talking about getting my hair cut since it is WAY too long right now and my mom said I shouldn't have it shorter than my shoulders because it looks too "dykey".  I HATE having long hair, but I've been humoring her.  I'm not sure how long I'm going to keep humoring her.