What am I?

[JillEclipse]

hi im i guy that likes to wear girly makeup.

okay people call me a crossdresser all the time. But i wear androgenous clothing, and guy's shoes. i dont even stuff my chest. all i do is wear makeup. so by definition i am NOT a cross-dresser. the word implies that i dress like the opposite sex, which i DONT. so what do i tell them? What is the word for me?

also, i dont think i am straight gay bisexual or transexual. i think women are hot. but ive had crushes on guys before. i often fantasize about guys when i am alone. WHEN I AM ALONE. when i am around guys in RL i feel on edge and afraid. i dont know if it is homophobia or fear that other people will look down on me or what. i even have a theory that it is because i am tall. you know how girls say they aren't attracted to guys shorter than them? maybe it is because i am around short guys all the time. i just dont feel attraction toward them. i want a guy that can control me and even when i say no still chases me. i dont think i am bisexual because i am not straight and gay at the same time. i am either straight or gay at different times. i think polysexual is a better term, since bisexual is limited to male and female, and i really think hermaphrodites are great.

also i dont know if i am transexual. i want my face to look pretty like a girl, but i dont care if i am a man or woman. most of the time i am comfortable as a man, only i want a girls face. i think i am a closet narcissist, which is sort of like a reverse narcissist, because i think i am terrible unless i am absolutely perfect. also i think i have adhd, i cant stand just being a regular guy. being a woman makes me feel so special and godly. every now and then i arouse myself sexually because i am so sexy but for the vast majority of the time it just makes me happy looking like a girl. i also am afraid of women because ive never had a girlfriend before, somehow i identify as a woman and understand women but sometimes i dont understand a lot of women. i understand men though. i can look at a guy and have him all figured out almost instantly. thats why i dont like being a guy. guys are too cut and dry and worried about being manly all the time.

i feel sexual attraction towards women but emotional attraction towards guys

also, i have a question about gay guys. you know the really flamboyant ones like on jerry springer that have limp wrists and like to dance and all that. In my opinion, gay guys like men more than women do. these guys will walk up to any man and try to flirt with them. women dont do that. and they talk really fast, transexuals tend to talk more slowly and deliberately, transexuals voice sounds more like how girls talk. so i am wondering, if MTF transexuals minds are more like women than gay guys are. So are gay guys a category of their own? They dont have the minds of heterosexual men or women?

[placeholdername]

I would say, don't make assumptions about real people from anything you see on Jerry Springer!

[Flan]

hi im i guy that likes to wear girly makeup.
...

If you talk of self as a "guy", then there are assumption based on that. You have to define yourself, none of us can do that for you.

so i am wondering, if MTF transexuals minds are more like women than gay guys are. So are gay guys a category of their own? They dont have the minds of heterosexual men or women?

gay men are men, trans women are women.

[Hikari]

Sadly no one can really tell you who or what you are except yourself. Based on what you have said I recommend trying to sort it out a bit. You could experiment a bit, push the boundaries of your identity and see where it takes you. If you have the money perhaps a therapist could help you get to the bottom of things, but one word of warning: don't expect yourself to fit neatly into a box that can be categorised and sorted, people tend to be a bit more complicated than that.

[kyril]

Maybe you're trans, genderqueer, or bigendered to some degree. Maybe you're just an effeminate gay/bi man. Nothing wrong with any of those options

My best suggestion is to go out and meet some real life LGBT people in a social setting. Make some friends who aren't totally heteronormative, get to know gay guys in a context other than Jerry Springer, see if you can relate to anyone.

And to answer your question:

So are gay guys a category of their own? They dont have the minds of heterosexual men or women?

Yes. Gay men are men - happily, comfortably self-identified men - who like other men. Some have very effeminate gender expression, some are hypermasculine, most fall somewhere in between. Gay men are not women and do not want to be women (slight caveat: a few trans women try identifying as gay before identifying as trans, but they are not gay men). On the other hand, most aren't particularly interested in being straight guys either - being a straight guy comes with a whole long list of "unmanly" traits and activities that are forbidden.

"Gay culture" accepts certain attributes and activities that mainstream straight society has coded as feminine - things like speaking with a highly inflected voice, taking care of one's appearance, having close female friends, even occasional crossdressing or wearing makeup - as fairly ordinary. Nevertheless, it's still very much a men's culture in its attitudes toward sex, dating, relationships, and the like.

[JillEclipse]

I used to go to a school with a lot of gay guys and they talked like that. Not all of them of course, but a good portion of them talked with a fast tone, with campy overtones. Similar, but distinctly different from the "->-bleeped-<- voice". Not to sound homophobic but their way of talking was kind of annoying, because it made me feel uneasy, something about it, the fast tone perhaps. whereas listening to a transexual can be somewhat relaxing, listening to a gay-guy can be unnerving. I can't watch WhattheBuck show because his voice is so grating.

There was a gay guy at that school who said exactly what I summarized in that paragraph, about the gay guys at the school. in fact he said they were so annoying, he wanted to punch them in the face (no HE said that not me.) the guy who said that wore makeup and carried a handbag and said he was gay, although i dont know for sure, im pretty sure he was, so...

its not just jerry springer, a lot of gay guys DO talk like that, but you are right, a lot of gay guys just sound like regular straight guys.

But my question is, do Gay Guys experience stronger sexual desires towards men than heterosexual women?

[Hikari]

there is no way to answer that question.
We can only accurately say things from our own reference points.
Since there isn't anyone who has been a gay man and a hetrosexual woman there is no way to know. A transwoman who is attracted to men was never really a gay man to begin with.... Even if someone could have been both, everybody is different and something like that could hardly be quantified....

[placeholdername]

While we're on the subject, I have to ask -- is there some kind of code involving scarves?

[kyril]

Stronger? It's hard to quantify that sort of thing. Gay men's sex drives are characteristically male and testosterone-mediated, and a lot of trans men who take testosterone do report that their sex drive becomes more urgent and insistent. But everyone's different, and nobody knows what other people feel like on the inside.

On the outside, it's pretty clear: gay culture is pretty open about sex, and it's not terribly hard to get laid when both participants are guys. But it's hard to say whether that says more about the strength of gay mens' attraction/sex drive, or the strength of women's inhibition against casual sex.
Post Merge: March 11, 2010, 11:02:38 PM
Ketsy, are you thinking of the hanky code? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handkerchief_code It's a bit outdated, but I hear it's still used in some bars.

[JillEclipse]

While we're on the subject, I have to ask -- is there some kind of code involving scarves?

i dont even have a clue what that question means.

also what im saying is, is it easier for a man to seduce a gay guy or a straight woman?

[kyril]

(shrugs) try both, and see which one you get first?

Like I said, gay guys are pretty open about sex...if you go somewhere where they're looking for it, and you know how to signal that you want it, you can probably get it. But if you're not willing to sort of take what you can get, seducing a particular guy could take as long as seducing a girl. Maybe longer, if he doesn't know that you're trying (a lot of gay guys sort of shut off the sexual response around straight guys, it's a defensive thing).

[placeholdername]

Ketsy, are you thinking of the hanky code? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handkerchief_code It's a bit outdated, but I hear it's still used in some bars.

Sort of but not really.  What I mean is, a lot of the gay people I know, or people who I suspect are gay (talking college/grad school aged here), wear scarves in a certain way.  It's common enough that I was wondering if it's done as sort of a non-verbal way of signalling the fact.  I mean, I don't think all gay guys necessarily wear scarves, I was just wondering if it might be intentional...

[Dianna]

What am I?    I function as a female, socially and my job. Having had GRS back in my late teens, I don't dwell on what I am, it a pointless exercise.  I moved ahead and attempt to not fill my head with all the 'what  if's'.

I am reality based, so I have never forgotten my beginings.    Of course I get off track at times, that's life. 

My age is in my profile.
Post Merge: March 12, 2010, 12:42:01 AM

i dont even have a clue what that question means.

also what im saying is, is it easier for a man to seduce a gay guy or a straight woman?

A man for sure IMO. That is provoding the  man is Gay himself !

[JillEclipse]

Slightly off-topic but, I wonder which type of "street-worker" is easiest to get. A female, a gay guy, or a MTF. Food for thought.

Also, I think I might have heard something about scarves several years ago, but I have completely forgotten about it until this topic came up. It might still be relatively unknown. I had no idea there were so many colors. I was wearing a scarf over my face the first few weeks of class, having no idea about it lol. I was lucky because the color of scarf I was wearing was silver, which was ironic because I want to be a rockstar and that is what the color signifies.

[kyril]

Sort of but not really.  What I mean is, a lot of the gay people I know, or people who I suspect are gay (talking college/grad school aged here), wear scarves in a certain way.  It's common enough that I was wondering if it's done as sort of a non-verbal way of signalling the fact.  I mean, I don't think all gay guys necessarily wear scarves, I was just wondering if it might be intentional...

Possibly in some places, but I wouldn't pin any sort of universal meaning on it; in Canada, for instance, a scarf is just a scarf.

[itestit]

Wow, I really recognize myself in what you said about how you want to have a female face. Although I wouldn't mind having a female body, I seem to understand what you mean. I also understand what you mean with the polysexual thing and being emotionally attracted to men ( at least I think I understand). I seem to be in the same situation (at least I think so, sorry if I'm wrong), but then without the scarves  . I'm glad there still are a bunch of people who seem to think like me, about these kind of things.

[tekla]

Slightly off-topic but, I wonder which type of "street-worker" is easiest to get. A female, a gay guy, or a MTF. Food for thought.

The easiest part to get about any street worker is to get what they are addicted to.  The Crack-Hoes act way different from the ones doing the Heroin nod, and that's a lot different from the ones running on meth.  If none of those appply, then just figure they are addicted to alcohol.

The hankie code has been around for decades and decades now, though I rarely see it.  It's kinda of thought of like 'training wheels' for gay men.

And silver means 'star->-bleeped-<-er' or 'star' depending on what side.  It's not about what you 'want' to be, it's about what you really are right now.  And it not wearing it on your face, you wear it in the rear pocket of your Levies.