Mini Rant.
So someone whose name I will spare really pissed me off last night. We almost came to blows over transgender issues and if it weren't for the fact that this person is sort of close to me, and is my drag mother, I would have literally gone to blows. I ranted to my phone and saved it as a note after this so I wouldn't completely lose it. Pardon the rant:
Fck this. I am not a transvestite. I'm transgender. I'm not a lesbian. I'm a male spirit channeled into the wrong body for some sick and twisted necessary reason. I know you're christian and you don't believe in that, and I'm not in any mood to go into your fcking beliefs about where we all came from and >-bleeped-<. I don't see why it's so hard to understand. Maybe cause you have your head too far up your ass and caught up in your own beliefs. You have your right to believe whatever you do and sure I could be completely wrong and disrespectful towards you right now but I'm biting my tongue, saying this to my phone instead of you. I know that part of my rage is out of line. At least I have the balls to admit that, unlike you. I know there are other beliefs out there and I don't push mine on people, but I will defend myself. You can say I'm crazy. You can say I'm delusional. You can say I'm in denial about reality and that I'm in denial about my body. I hate to admit to myself even, what my body really is cause I hate it with a passion. You're wrong. Being trans is NOT a choice. I know what I am. I know what I believe in. Your reality is not everything. We all have our own reality, if you think about it. You can tear me down all you wish and it's your right to do whatever the hell you want to, but jesus christ, at least respect a person. When the words lesbian and transvestite start getting thrown right, you know I get pissed. I swear people do it just to push my buttons sometimes. I want so badly to scream, cry, throw things, break things, go ape>-bleeped-< on myself and you, go back to cutting after this conversation. But I can't and I won't. I'm better than that. I've been there, done that, and I know I regret my scars far too much and have enough problems hiding them that I can't go back to doing that. I hate how I can't express what I mean in my head in words. Cause then I'm doubted. As that one song which I can't remember right now goes..something about how I can't express my >-bleeped-< so you doubt what I say. Someday I'll be able to think straight enough to put it into words. My energy is really getting fcked with with the change of seasons and being around my energy vampire of a mother. I have to quit that. It drains me. But I'm still here and fighting, I have a new outlook on life. Come, break me down. I'm finished with you. In the end, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks cause in the end...I am who I am and I know who I am and no one can take that away from me any longer.
Basically this person said that I'm just a transvestite, and won't be trans until I get the surgery or get on hormones. Said that being trans is a choice. Threw the L word at me, said I was just a girl. When people start saying that, that crosses the line. This person calls themselves a transsexual themselves. But said she chose to be trans. Wtf. Said that since she has silicone in her ass, and was on hormones before, but right now presents as male and is just a drag queen..that she is trans. Whatever. I'm not even going to go on about what I think about that right now cause I can't even think straight but DAMN...some people really get to me.
