Hi Robyn!
Haha well in the case of her lingerie drawer, most of the people in our lives know. Both our immediate families know, as well as close college friends (and everyone in her dorm obviously). It's mostly our broad base of high school friends who don't know, which can complicate things at home and even on Facebook!
Speaking of Facebook...earlier this week, one of our mutual high school friends sent me a private message asking if I had seen [legal male name of my SO] lately (they go to the same college but he's two years younger). I panicked because even though this guy is nice, he does not know when to shut up...but I casually said "well I've been busy with finals...what's up?" And then he went into detail about how he saw my SO at a student body meeting (she's a rep), and that he knew that she was [legal male name of my SO] because he couldn't forget her (this guy basically worshipped my SO in high school, and my SO has always looked very female), but she "absolutely looked like a woman...even the voice!" Though I suppose this can be construed as a compliment, I'm extremely worried because I know he won't keep his mouth shut. We come from a very conservative, racist, homophobic, judgmental hometown. :\
But I digress. As for coming out together as a lesbian couple...that will actually be so much harder! At this point, only her dorm mates and a few additional friends know. Three of my high school friends know I'm dating [legal male name of my SO] but want to keep it secret for whatever reasons I give them. Other than that, nothing.
I guess we're so hesitant to come out because we know that none of our friends who don't already know will absolutely not accept it. My college friends who have been so supportive of her will not do the same if we come out. Somehow I tend to attract conservative people...I don't know why! I'm very liberal and not white... But for whatever reason I haven't been able to connect with the LGBT community here :\ It can be really frustrating to feel so isolated. I enjoy being with my friends, but I have to hide part of my life.
As for our family... they're either clueless or in denial. We're together all the time and sleep in the same bed...but I guess we could be seen as really good best girl friends? My dad hinted to me once a while ago that he wouldn't mind it too much, but my issues with him prevent me from saying anything; even if he is ok with us, he would use it against me. Her dad is really great about his daughter being mtf, but I don't think he would really like us together (though he joked about it to his gay brother-in-law once). Oh, but her grandma and old uncle know that I am dating [legal male name of my SO]! My SO's dad plays along because he thinks it's funny!
The moms. We love my mom; she loves my SO as a daughter. She gives her estrogen. She loves gay guys and mtfs. For whatever reason, she doesn't really like lesbians. We can more easily joke about me being a prostitute than being a lesbian. I think I would break her heart if we told her. I'm pretty sure she would still love me, but... As for my SO's mom, well she's a cold person in general; I think she's trying her best to accept my SO, but my SO doesn't think so. I really think she'd hate it if we came out as a couple. My SO is afraid that her mom won't think she's really a woman if she's dating a female.
So that's pretty much where we're at right now: stuck. We've been talking about when to come out to our families. We're kind of thinking about doing it when we're done with undergrad, but we're not sure. That's a long time away.
PS sorry this is so jumbled and confusing!
