i never knew!

[Torn1990]

 I feel quite comforted by there being an Androgyne community!
I only understood the word Androgyne as a physical appearance.
But gosh, I definitely wish that the term was recognized as a psychological thing universally! Sure would make me feel alot more comfortable being able to use that term to explain myself.
My whole life i've definitely felt very awkward and uncomfortable, all the time. I feel like my being androgyne is okay, but it really holds me back when it comes to relationships. How do you guys feel about that?
It's really rare to find someone who will accept and understand androgyney. . it's not like you will just bump into someone at a starbucks or something. It just sucks being 19 and still haven't had a genuine relationship with someone. It's a tad pathetic, living in fear of being alone. 
I honestly have never worried about it before. I'm not one who likes to complain about such things.. But It definitely is getting really hard. Any older androgynes have any advice? I just don't really feel attractive to people, since I don't really fit in for either gender.. Emotionally and personality-wise anyway. No girls necessarily want a guy that is as emotional as them, and no guy wants a guy whose got a feminin brain, and i'm pretty sure it is emphasized around guys that I may be interested in.
Ah who knowes! I could go on forever. Thoughts?
Post Merge: April 13, 2010, 12:23:28 AM
Oh by the way! Is this an Androgyne peeve or just me?
I have always been easily annoyed and touchy in general when it comes to people using gender stereotypes as references, or even in deep discussions. Such as in psychology when my teacher discusses certain gender specifics, I just want to raise my hand and scream: If thats true, then can I be the exception, ASS HOLE?!?!?! hahah. Which I never am so blatant about but I sometimes find it kind of offensive. Mostly I just get irked, because I want androgyney to be recognized.
I just wish gender stereotypes were dropped...unfortunately the majority tends to agree with them.

[Luna!]

I don't think that being 19 and not having had a relationship is really that unusual, myself. I'm 23, and I've only been able to find a girlfriend in the last few months. I'm just really shy and not used to starting conversations, that's all. ^_^

What kind of person do you like? Girls, boys? I can't really tell from what you said, but it looks like you've considered both of them. Or do you have an idea of how you'd like to present yourself? There's any number of ways to self-present that fall under 'androgyne', and you can probably have a great deal of fun trying things out!

Really, there are all kinds of people. There are girls who like feminine boys (my gf, for example). I don't have much experience with guys, but I don't see how they'd be any different...

And I'd think anyone would be irked by a worldview that says they don't exist. It does make me want to say something, sometimes... But people tend to be lazy in general, and stereotypes help people to not have to think, which is probably why they're so popular.

[no_id]

Hey Torn,
Relationships, funky topic right there. In the end, the people you tend to have actual long(er) lasting relationships with will be the people who adore your persona regardless. It has more to do with how you position yourself (no pun intended) that determines which folk you'll attract (there's bending over with 'hello' spelled out over your ass, and there's just going with the flow with the occasional 'hi, how are you').

Being an androgyne never held me back from looking for/or welcoming love. I present(ed) myself the way I am; as 'me', and that was either a turn off for folk or an absolute turn on. For my current SO it was the last. Sure, there was some worry she wouldn't accept my ->-bleeped-<-, but when I told her (when we were together for about a year) I did so because I knew she loved me as 'me'. Plus, I don't have plans to transition (ftm wise) so that made things quite a bit easier.

As for stereotypes... I don't get annoyed by them and don't care for them. If someone tells me I shouldn't do something because it doesn't fit my sex I just shrug, if someone listens to what  they're told then that's their choice. There's stereotypes all over the playground, gender-related or not - not worth throwing axes at.

[Torn1990]

Hey Torn,
Relationships, funky topic right there. In the end, the people you tend to have actual long(er) lasting relationships with will be the people who adore your persona regardless. It has more to do with how you position yourself (no pun intended) that determines which folk you'll attract (there's bending over with 'hello' spelled out over your ass, and there's just going with the flow with the occasional 'hi, how are you').

Being an androgyne never held me back from looking for/or welcoming love. I present(ed) myself the way I am; as 'me', and that was either a turn off for folk or an absolute turn on. For my current SO it was the last. Sure, there was some worry she wouldn't accept my ->-bleeped-<-, but when I told her (when we were together for about a year) I did so because I knew she loved me as 'me'. Plus, I don't have plans to transition (ftm wise) so that made things quite a bit easier.

As for stereotypes... I don't get annoyed by them and don't care for them. If someone tells me I shouldn't do something because it doesn't fit my sex I just shrug, if someone listens to what  they're told then that's their choice. There's stereotypes all over the playground, gender-related or not - not worth throwing axes at.

I definitely agree with everything you said. I think i'm moreso just brooding over not getting what i want in life rather then appreciating reality. 

[no_id]

I definitely agree with everything you said. I think i'm moreso just brooding over not getting what i want in life rather then appreciating reality.

Well, I think that's one of the most normal things to do; to think about what you want/what you don't have or can't get. Sure there will always be some things you won't ever get, but most of the time there's plenty of more fun things you get to cross off the list at some point in life. So, look forward to that.

[Torn1990]

Well, I think that's one of the most normal things to do; to think about what you want/what you don't have or can't get. Sure there will always be some things you won't ever get, but most of the time there's plenty of more fun things you get to cross off the list at some point in life. So, look forward to that.

Your optomism is charming. Hopefully one day I will be able to tune my life like that.

[Torn1990]

Hmmmm, I wonder if I tune my life that way. I tune my guitar to Amaj7, maybe thats why I do that, too. Another thing I don't think I can really explain...

Ouch. : /  I wasn't trying to be rude. What I meant was: I can't really see the light right now in life. I was hoping i'd grow out of my sulking over gender identidy the more I just accepted myself and didn't try to change, but as i'm growing my positivity is sort of deteriorating. I have things to look forward to! (such as burning man!  ) but my psychi is alittle screwed up. I think in these extremes! Like, my feelings are so black and white. I will be so elated one moment about everything, and when i'm reminded of something unfortunate all of that happiness goes down the drain, it can last hours & I don't even remember what happiness feels like. I have a borderline personality. I'm not so much ignorant of it but being aware of it doesn't help all the time.
Woooww I enjoy the idea of this forum, but some times I am not sure if i'm wasting everyones time or not! hahah..I think I find a happy medium with my moods being able to type about this ->-bleeped-<-, knowing people are listening and responding has always been a comfort. But I do take everything you all will say to heart.

[Rock_chick]

Hey Torn,
Relationships, funky topic right there. In the end, the people you tend to have actual long(er) lasting relationships with will be the people who adore your persona regardless.

Yeah this is true, the people who matter won't care, they'll find you amazing and want to spend time with you because the find who you are attractive...not some perception of who you should be based on your biological sex.

[Kinkly]

Relationships are a messy topic for many Androgynes I'm 32 and never been in a real relationship and often wonder if anyone could find me attractive your a lot younger then I was when I realized I was an Androgyne

[cynthialee]

I think that if you wait, and are open to the eventuality you will find a mate.

You are andro, reach into the man and be assertive and engaging in your attempts to obtain a mate. Reach into the woman and use your intuition and empathy to search for your mate. You are looking for a very special unique type of person. Someone who needs the strength of a man and the empathy of a woman.
I know for a fact that such people exist, wanna know how I know? I am married to a wonderful androgyne who completes my life. Thats how.

[kyle_lawrence]

welcome to the forums Torn!!  I had a similar "OMG thats what I am!" moment watching a Documentary on LOGO years ago, except they term they were using was Genderqueer instead of Androgyne. 

I wish I could say that dating gets easier, but I'm still looking for that right person.  Figuring out who you are first is really the hardest part though. 

My problem is that even though I am attracted to guys (or maybe its more accurate to say Masculine personalities), I don't to date a guy who would see me as a girl and want me to be their girlfriend. Dating girls isn't any easier, unfortunately.  Where are all the bi boys with a feminine side.

[cynthialee]

Where are all the bi boys with a feminine side.

In transition?
***runs away giggleing***

[Sevan]

I think that if you wait, and are open to the eventuality you will find a mate.

You are andro, reach into the man and be assertive and engaging in your attempts to obtain a mate. Reach into the woman and use your intuition and empathy to search for your mate. You are looking for a very special unique type of person. Someone who needs the strength of a man and the empathy of a woman.
I know for a fact that such people exist, wanna know how I know? I am married to a wonderful androgyne who completes my life. Thats how.

*huggies* Awww love you too sweetness.

Androgyn? Yep. That'd be me. Borderline? Been there too. I wanted to add to this...but I kinda got nothing much. I do want to welcome you though Torn

[kyle_lawrence]

In transition?
***runs away giggleing***

haha... maybe.  My last real relationship was with a MtF who was pretty early in her transition.  I like to think that we would still be together if I hadn't dislocated my shoulder, lost my job, and got kicked out of my apartment all with in 3 days of each other.  I ended up moving back home, 1000 miles away.

[Pica Pica]

Another relationship carcrash type over here. There is a girl, she likes me, she accepts me, I accept her, we even lived together, we laugh all the time - and I am absolutely and completely paralysed to do anything about it. Don't think it's got much to do with androgynity though, just me.

[no_id]

Another relationship carcrash type over here. There is a girl, she likes me, she accepts me, I accept her, we even lived together, we laugh all the time - and I am absolutely and completely paralysed to do anything about it. Don't think it's got much to do with androgynity though, just me.

Is she doing anything about it though?... Meh, I suppose it's pretty risque since you wouldn't want to lose the friendship you have. :/

[Eva Marie]

I know for a fact that such people exist, wanna know how I know? I am married to a wonderful androgyne who completes my life. Thats how.

And i, as an adrogyne, am married to a wonderful girl that accepts me and enjoys what i have to bring to the relationship, so yes, there is hope.