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I'm new, and Confused

Started by Radiant Glow, March 22, 2010, 06:43:23 AM

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Radiant Glow

Hello everyone, I would like to tell you my story and see what you think. I'm confused, because for a good portion of my life now, almost five of my twenty years I have wondered if I have a case of GID or am simply a fetishist.

I have come to wonder if I am intersexed. I was born outside of a hospital, so there are no records. However, I was only born with one testicle. My fiinger digit ratio suggests feminine levels of testosterone in the womb. I seem to have a slight case of gynocomestia.

As a young boy I always played with girl action figures and disliked the rough sports of the other kids. therewere several times I was accused for being a girl,  but that could have just been sensless teasing. Now, all these things may mean nothing. The real story starts four years ago, during my junior year of highschool.

I had a dream, that I was a woman. This had never happened to me before. I was a woman, orally servicing a man. Had the dream upon waking been rejected as weird, I would have never given it another thought, but it wasn't taken that way: far from it. It felt right, so impossibly right, and the glow I felt from it was far beyond sexual, it was a beautiful fire in my soul that I had never felt before. It was this fire that kept me interested.

My reearch led me to a place called warpmymind, a hypnosis website. From there, I spent months experimenting with my feminine side, listening to files that promised to make my hormone levels that of a women. It didn't seem to ever work, and I didn't come here to discuss whether or not hypnosis works. It did get me thinking in new directions. I researche transsexualism, at this point, I feel as though I know everything about it. Wheni was 17, a senior in highschool, I began to consider a sex change as a real direction in my life.

But it always seemed so scary. I've never told my family for fear of rejection. If I do this I will have to start a brand new life. When I did the hypnosis I was so close to ordering hormones that I had my orders filled out. But I stopped because I wasn't sure. Sometimes, I fear that its just a fantasy. Because I will admit, the thought is arousing. But it gies deeper than that, it's this glow seek not sexual fillfillment. That feeling in my heart of peace that i've only ever felt when imagining myself as a woman.

I can't afford therapy, and I don't know whati should do. I'm twenty, and I feel like this is the last chance I have for my age to be an asset. Please help me fugure out the truth within myself.

Thank you
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cynthialee

You came to the right place for suport and information, however only you can figure out you.

You are going to hear this alot but I will say it anyways...."Go see a gender specialized therapist."
A gender therapist will be your best asset in figuring out you when it comes to gender issues. A standard therapist does not know enough about this to be of much help.

As to you being potentialy IS. Yes you are red flaging. In fact you might be surprised how many TS/TG redflag for IS.
Will it change anything if you are? Not likely. Regardless if you are or not you need a gender therapist.

Anyways welcome aboard. It is a nice place and the mods are mostly vigilant in keeping it that way.
/hugz
Cynthia Lee
So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.
If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.
Sun Tsu 'The art of War'
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Erica L.

Welcome!

You've definitely come to the right place. The posters here are so sweet and helpful!

Good luck!
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LivingInGrey

Welcome to the forums.

Spend some time on the forums, log into chat maybe. There's a lot of information here to help you along the way.

If you are in America it wont take long for this new health care system to go into place. The bill passed the house Sunday night 219 (out of 216 needed).
(ROCK) ---> ME <--- (HARD PLACE)
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Janet_Girl

Hi Radiant Glow, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 4300 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

Hugs and Love,
Janet
  •  

Smith

Hi Radian Glow,

How do you do?
Just relax, with the purify mind, you could think more deeply and clearly.

This is great forum, many sisters and brothers here have many experiences in their live, many advices and you had the right choice to join in this forum.

special for me, since I was 5 years old, I have a dream to become a real girl even playing with some young boys, and sometimes I thought what I had supposed to be? when was playing with boys, I did like any others boys, but when I was alone, that dream was comming (being a girl), I really confuse at that moment, can you imagine? I was 5 years old.

As because I was closely, not many information, advice from the one who know this case, so I made grave for that dream, even was really painful for this heart.
One day, I saw someone in the telivision, the successful transgender woman, but I thought she had became a real woman, so my spirit to become like her so strongly, in my mind, this opportunitty is always come, so since that day, my perception, boy or man could change to girl or woman.  But I had just knew that and didn't know how to reach it.

When I was 35, I met someone, he is a friend, and he is a doctor, he explained to me different between man and woman not only the biological body but mind, feeling, and behavior, and he told me about trans the gender opportunity, but he said, the good one to trans-gender must be beetween 16~22 years old, and I passed that moment.  I regreted.

But my friend looked me and gave some helpful advice, how to being a woman, he adviced me to find some information in the internet also and finnaly I found the good website, and I asked the customer care for that website, good replied, from this also, I found this forum.

So, I think this is the great forum, we can find many and many information, advices that maybe could help you. :D
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Christy Edwards

Welcome sweetie....This is a wonderful place that truly can help and support u...
:)
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