figuring out my place in the world.

[kyle_lawrence]

It seems that I've been passing more than I thought lately, without really trying, and now I'm not sure how I feel about it.  The crazy part about it is I've been going by my female name again, and its causing confusion.

Last week I was at a bar with some friends, (all guys) when a couple came to sit in the area we were in, and introduced themselves.  I introduced myself with my female name, and the girl kept thinking she had heard wrong, and repeated back male names.  Similar thing happened a couple days later when I again introduced myself with my female name, and this guy just looked at me all confused, and was like "huh?  oh, uh..... I'm (name)."

I feel like, to me, the contradiction between my name and appearance doesn't matter.  I am totally comfortable in an androgenous identity.  I don't currently have plans to completely transition, and legally change my name or gender marker.  To me a name is just a name, and like should be fluid like gender or sexuality. 

So now I'm feeling stuck again.  I feel like the reactions I get from people are forcing me to go one way or the other, and change my name to male, or look more feminine, but I dont want to do either.

/rant.

[Vyn]

I think you should go with whatever name(s) suits you best, or that you like the most, regardless of the reactions.  If you are worried and feel uncomfortable in confrontational situations, and want the best of both worlds, perhaps select a unisex or androgynous name that could go either way - that would work wonders, and there are many, many such names out there that sound quite nice.  But that's just my own opinion.    I agree with you that names don't have to be a core to an identity, and they can change in time just like any other aspect of ourselves.

[Sevan]

It's not easy.
I think for most people...their name IS their core identifier. That's like...*the* lable for who you are as a whole! So being kinda..."eh" about a name is like...difficult to get. lol.

I get alot of confusion when I introduce myself as Sevan. I've just gotten used to it and expect that I'm going to have to say it twice, maybe even three times. It just...people assume they heard wrong. Or they assume I haven't given them my "real" name and get insulted. That's always odd.

Same thing with my mate. She's MtF and doesn't always dress to the nines (if that's not how she's comfortable..why should she?) and so in this point of her transition she doesn't always pass so well. So when she gives a feminine name, while being read male..it's very confusing for people.

So yea...when it's the pair of us introducing ourselves...HA! Let the fun begin!!

I'm sorry to hear it's making you question who you are though. Less than fun for sure

[kyle_lawrence]

I'm sorry to hear it's making you question who you are though. Less than fun for sure

I wouldn't say that I'm questioning who I am because of it, but more so that I'm frustrated by the reaction my name gets.  I don't like that people who may have percieved me as male initially change the way they interact when they realize I'm female bodied.

I realize that in some situations introducing myself with a more neutral name would make things easier, but I'm hesitant to go through the process of it all again.  I did go by Kyle, and live as male for almost a year, but then moved back home, and hung out with people who knew me "before" and kinda slipped back into my female identity.  With my friends though, I bind, and wear mens clothes, and no one thinks twice about it.  They all know I'm not girly at all, and treat me as one of the guys, no matter what my name is.

[no_id]

Personally, I think it's absolutely unsurprising for people to react confused/surprised when you use your female name. First enocounter it's looks, expression, and then a nametag. Now if the nametag doesn't 'fit' with the previous observations then sure there's a moment of 'uhm'...

To me a name is just a name, and like should be fluid like gender or sexuality.

Unfortunately to most strangers it isn't and most strangers won't care if it is to you.

If you're passing consistently and actually want to wander the grey zone then there's really only one way; compromise - either in the name or the appearance. It's easy to want the world to change but it's a whole lot easier to change yourself, and if you don't want to compromise then this is the dealio.

[Devin87]

I get alot of confusion when I introduce myself as Sevan. I've just gotten used to it and expect that I'm going to have to say it twice, maybe even three times. It just...people assume they heard wrong. Or they assume I haven't given them my "real" name and get insulted. That's always odd.

I've been wondering-- how do you pronounce that?  Is it like Sven like the Norweigen name or like seven like the number or like seh-van or seh-von or something?


See I like Devin.  My birth name (which I almost always still go by since I'm not passing very much right now) is very clearly female, but I've met girls named Devin, so no matter which way people are reading me it doesn't cause confusion.  Of course, I didn't pick it because of that-- Devin's what my parents were going to name me if I was born with male sexual organs-- but it works.

[Sevan]

I've been wondering-- how do you pronounce that?  Is it like Sven like the Norweigen name or like seven like the number or like seh-van or seh-von or something?

Hehehe...it's just like the number "7" though with the "a" there it's a little softer. Imagine saying the name "Evan" now put an S in front of that. Sevan. There ya are

[Amazon D]

I changed my name to a name that could be used by a male or female so i have no problems. The people though who meet me then really wonder what gender i am since i don't look either.