Hi there,
I'm a 33 year old man or andro-guy (with occasional cross dressing tendencies) trapped in a female biological body.
I admire all of you who are man or woman enough to go all the way to gender reassignment surgery or those who stand behind their identity as androgynous human beings.
Born into a rather conservative family and growing up in a small town in the Midwest of Germany (in the 80s and 90s), it would have never occurred to me as a teenager that I am a man or an androgynous human trapped in a body which developed more and more into that of a female. I guess I don't have to tell you that this felt like a nightmare.
I knew there was something VERY wrong happening to me; it took me, however, until my late twenties to admit to myself at last that I will
never accept my female body. I will forever despise what it does month by month, how my body looks inside out, that it has parts which just don't belong to me and what my body is supposed to do (i.e. bearing children, the greatest phobia of my life).
Though I don't look like poor Hunchback of Notre Dame, I've never had a relationship with a man, never kissed a man, nor let alone slept with a man. I got lots of offers, which hurt my feelings, because in the focus of all that unwanted male attention was a woman, not my true androgynous or male self. Am not sure whether I'm sexually interested in any gender at all. If so, then it's probably women. I consider women as the gender/sex opposite to mine and men much more as my brothers, my mates and equals.
In order to distract myself from my inner turmoil, I travelled the world and pursued my College Education with enormous drive and ambition. Becoming a masculinised, tough and non-stop busy career woman would for sure stop me from wanting to climb on the other side of the fence. But NOTHING changed. My inner turmoil defeated my career ambitions; and in these days my life is a mess. It seems that life won't have any presents to offer to me before I'll have done my homework, that's to say figured out WHO I AM. As I'm about to change my health insurance company, I still have to wait a little until I can schedule an appointment with a psychologist. My longing for testosterone injections and a hysterectomy is overwhelming, but I'll take one step at a time.
This Forum is heaven sent. Am so glad I found it!
Greetings from Germany and Take care!
