Hi,
so this is my intruduction post.
Wow, I had no idea. I been reading many posts and I never knew that other people had such similar experiences. It is very lonely going though life with all these confusing thoughts in my head. I recently come to the realization that I think I'm a cross dresser ... or more or less I'm not sure what now. it took me the better part of 20 years to admit that much.
So I'll be brief. My experience is like many of yours. When I was about 10 or so years old my sister and me would play dress up . I liked this. Put on dresses and makeup , play with dolls. But then I got caught by my conservative father, this was NOT to happen in his house.
after this I would secretly raid my sisters closet for clothing or wear my mothers discarded nylons when I slept. The feel of them ageist the bed sheets, you know what I mean. As I lied there in bed I would pray to god that I would wake up a girl. As a teen I never got in to sports and all that. I was a social outcast, depressed. I wanted to dance, to be that pretty ballerina. But somehow I managed to push those thoughts down and put on the presentation of a nerdy boy.
The work load of college proved to be a temporary distraction. But a good distraction and there i realized that I'm smart and that little bit of self worth has gone a long way. Now graduated and out on my own, I started acquiring bits of women's clothing. I would acquire a little collection , then feel immensely guilty about this and throw it out , to only start all over again. The urge gets stronger and stronger with each day. I know I need professional help. I got everything I could want in life ("stuff") yet I'm a miserable little camper.
Interestingly enough I'm happy when I'm Natalie. And I got a hot set of legs, if I can just keep those ingrown hairs at bay :-) Natalie wants out of the confines of the apartment, but I'm so shy.
This a big can of worms to open. I'm not sure where this is going to lead to.
