Coming out to friends or close friends to be precise.

[Lily~]

I really need some advice on this, I have two very close friends of mine who I've known for a very very long time. They've helped me and supported me through rough times, but I don't know how they would re-act to me telling them I am transgendered. I guess I should say some stuff about them that might help. They never have really said anything on how they feel about Gay/Lesbian/Transsexuals, one of the reasons I'm not sure how they'll take it. They know me very well, at least the "boy" side. I know for a fact that if I were to start transitioning without telling them, they would never ever speak to me again, and I'd hate to lose them very much.

I guess what I'm asking for, is how can I come out to them about me being transgendered? I came out to my mother a few weeks ago, and I'd like to tell my two best friends as well. Any advice/help is greatly appreciated. To give an idea on how close we are, I would say we're like family. Except, it bothers me when they say "bro" you know, I know they mean no harm with it since they have no idea about me being transgendered.

I'm eager to read your responses and hopefully they can help me.

[cynthialee]

My dearest of friends have all been fabulous about this.
I told each in the way I thought was most apropriate to the person.
Each one I started off acknowledgeing the years of troubles they have been trying to help me with. I then associated all those issues to an underlieing issue that I have internalized and not shared with them due to my fear of losing them as friends. Then I said that I would be transitioning to female socialy.
It hit them right in the heart. My issues have been very damaging to my life and I think that my friends and family have gotten to the point that they just want me happy.

[paulault55]

Lily,

My friends also are supportive, i like to tell people i know well in person if they live close enough, i will call and see if they are going to be free as i have something important to tell them, i go over to their homes, people are much more at ease in their own homes, one couple was relieved as they thought i was going to tell them i was dying, another couple told me they thought i was coming over to try to get them to buy a timeshare, in both these cases they thanked me for doing it in person.

One couple who i was their best man at their wedding in the 70's, i wrote them a letter and put it in their Christmas card, i got a christmas card back addressed to Paula and a letter inside, they say last time they saw me i seemed different, their tone was of someone grieving a death, but that is to be expected, and they say they accept.

My really good friend who was the first friend i told and is bi, she initially took the news well, however a couple weeks later was standoffish with me, then a few week later back to being good friends again, over the last 5 months she was standoffish again, i believe because of the dramatic changes she sees, but lately she is back to being good friends.

If they are as good of friends as you say they may take it ok and might be your biggest supporters.

Paula

[Janet_Girl]

When I came out to a good friend, she already knew.  That is because she is friends with both my ex and I.  She told me shortly after going part time, that she liked me better than "him', because he could be a real ass.

And I guess after all that she has seen I was, back then.  The much pain and misery, and not wanting to hurt my Now ex.

They might even already have a feeling that something is up.

[Rock_chick]

Face to face definitely feels best for me...especially if it's people you care about. Take things slowly...I usually start by saying I'm trans gendered, and just let the conversation go from there. If your friends are as close as you say they are, they'll know how much it has taken to tell them. My friend Jon quite literally thanked me for feeling I could tell him. Anyway, I hope that's of some help, it's never easy and you can't always know how people will react, but sometimes you just have to trust in people.

[K8]

Each of my good friends I told face-to-face.  I told them before I started transitioning, because like you I didn't want to start without them knowing.  I didn't like the idea of surprising them or doing something big without them knowing.  They are my friends, after all.  I want to include them in my life.

I met each for coffee or lunch.  Toward the end of the time we were to be together, when we were both relaxed and they would be free to leave if they wanted, I told them that I had something to tell them about myself that I had kept hidden for years – that I am transgendered and had been a cross-dresser for most of my life.  I let the conversation go from there. 

My tone was that this was just something about me – neither bad nor good.  I was vague about how far I would go with this.  Each one received it well in their own way.  Some needed time to think about it, but each accepted it because they accept me.

Good luck.  I would avoid details, angst, and too-long explanations, but each of us does this in a different way that suits our needs and those of our friends.

- Kate

[Lily~]

Thank you all for your input, the problem is I can't see them in person at the moment as I'm living in another state. Would it be weird to tell them via phone/MSN? Or is this something I have to do in person. I'm moving again soon, but I doubt it'll be back where they currently live. So I can't really tell them in person any time soon.

[cynthialee]

I came out to my mom and a couple friends over the phone. Worked well enough for me.

[K8]

I told my daughter by telephone, since she lives 1200 miles away.  We talked for about an hour, but then we usually talk for about an hour on the telephone.  

I told my sister and brother - my only close family - each in a letter, because I wanted them to know before I had a chance to travel to see them.  I also wrote to a couple of childhood friends because I don't see them often.  People on my Christmas card list I also told by mail (before I sent the next Christmas cards - didn't want to say Merry Christmas and by the way I'm trans ).

Do what's appropriate to the people you are telling.  I think you want to tell them in a way atuned to their needs rather than yours if you can (but still tell them what you need to tell them).

- Kate

[Metamorph]

I think face to face is in most cases the best choice. However if you cant make it to them Id say a video chat or phone call is best. You can never get a real feel for how things really are with MSN or e-mails IMO, even though these methods work fine for some.
I like to think that close friends will be there no matter what. If theyre the type that youve known for most your life Id expect them to be more accepting then most. Its a difficult thing to explain to people but its because we care so much about other peoples feelings and fear for hurting them that we deny ourselves the choice of expressing our own. Hope it goes well with them when you choose to tell 

[Lily~]

Thank you all, I'll try and find the right time to tell them, I'll let you know how it goes. ^_^

[Nemo]

Good luck with your friends Keep us posted.