Terms of --- endearment?

[miniangel]

This may sound like a frivolous question but it's not. What are good ways of addressing my friend?

Explanation: I'm listed here as an SO although that's not how I'd describe myself. I've known my friend for several years, but it's a friendship which is Net-based (but no less real than a face-to-face relationship). I am old enough to be his mother and I often use soft terms like sweetheart and gorgeous. I got into this habit during the first couple of years when I thought he was a cismale. After he came out to me as TG I just continued until he said he preferred something less -- ummm -- girlie (my word, not his). But what?

He's a quite serious young man, lives 100% as a girl in RL, and probably wouldn't like me to use any term which sounded as if I might be joking. I know I could ask him but I'd like a few suggestions as well. I never use his legal name, although I accidentally invented a nickname which he really likes, but I still feel the need to address him using other terms. So what do you guys like to be called?

Thanks. 

[kyril]

I call my (cis male) husband 'sweetheart' all the time, and he's never complained

I'm actually not quite sure what you're looking for here. Pet names are sort of by their nature feminizing and/or infantilizing, unless you want to pick the ones that sexualize the target instead ('sexy,' 'hot stuff').

[StaceyBean]

This is an awesome topic thanks for writing it! I am a SO of an FTM and like the only one out of everything I used to say although I never used to say much, is Babe, but idk if thats fitting to the relationship you have with him.

I find, Hun to be fitting for men, obviously when coming from a female. Any of these terms coming from men are perceived differently to the point where he may feel like he is being referred to in the she. I hop this makes some sort of sense

LoL

Cant wait to hear some replies from the wonderful FTM's on here...maybe even Davis who no matter if I ask him wont say lol except has said Babe was fine.

[miniangel]

I call my (cis male) husband 'sweetheart' all the time, and he's never complained

I'm actually not quite sure what you're looking for here. Pet names are sort of by their nature feminizing and/or infantilizing, unless you want to pick the ones that sexualize the target instead ('sexy,' 'hot stuff').

That's the trouble - pet names ARE feminising or infantilising. When I thought he was cismale I had no trouble with using them, but now I understand how he feels the need to reinforce his maleness. Does that make sense? Finding terms which are neither feminising, nor infantilising, nor sexualising, nor joking is really hard.

[StaceyBean]

I'm at a loss for answers..but still very interested to seeing replies

[Elijah3291]

I like being called Babe, and baby.. but then I'm gay.. so, maybe I dont mind feminine stuff as much?

You could call him handsome as a pet name

[miniangel]

Hi, Elijah.  I do like "handsome" as a term, although he'd say he isn't 

[Lukas-H]

Elijah, I don't think you being gay has anything to do with not minding/liking feminine stuff.

I am bio-female and while I haven't transitioned, I feel an incredibly strong feeling of wanting a male body and so on and I strongly identify with the FtMs I meet, but I really dislike things considered 'feminine'. I would consider myself strongly leaning towards a 'gay' label, though I have found some limited attraction to women, it's generally if they appear masculine in some way.

So the short of what I'm trying to say is you just don't mind femininity, regardless of your sexuality.

Back on topic, I generally don't like any pet names and my SO and I have come up with our own unique names that I don't perceive to have any gender basis behind them and I specifically asked my SO not to pick something feminine.

Sometimes I joke with my male friends by calling them 'Mister' or 'Sir' or 'boy'. While boy might seem childish, a lot of those who are male/consider themselves male would rather be called a boy than a girl, of course. You could try 'Dear' or 'Dearie' but really each person reacts differently so you will just have to try a bunch of different things.
Post Merge: April 04, 2010, 10:53:39 PM

Hi, Elijah.  I do like "handsome" as a term, although he'd say he isn't 

Most guys say that just like most girls say 'Nawww..' when you called them beautiful or pretty, though sometimes it might be because being called by such gender-heavy terms could make one uncomfortable.

Most secretly like it though.

[Teknoir]

I think "handsome", "sir" and "mister" are good terms, however it does depend on the person and the type of relationship you have with them.

For instance, you wouldn't want to call someone who's just a friend "handsome". Not unless you were already known for that sort of thing .

If he's living as female you could always just call him by his name. He probably doesn't get to hear it as often as he'd like.

[miniangel]

I could get away with calling him "handsome" - yes, I'm known for that 

"Mister" also sounds pretty good.

Sadly, he doesn't have a name, apart from the one everyone uses (except me).

[Osiris]

One of my fave terms that have been applied to me is Handsome. People also have gotten in the habit of calling me things such as Lord, Master and occasionally God.... which is very bad because people say "Oh my god" and I respond to that. It's only a matter of time before I get struck with lightning.

Uhh, cowboy is another one. Sir is always good.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

The original post confused me. Is this person FTM, MTF, or what?

I personally like to be called whatever, as long as it's not "girl" (which is what alot of gay guys at the bar call everyone [or so they say]) My old manager at BK called everyone Sweetpea, and I didn't care. Cause she calls everyone that. So generally, I don't care what it is as long as it's male. Sir is good. Hell, even 'hey you' is fine as long as it's not female.

[Lachlann]

The original post confused me. Is this person FTM, MTF, or what?

I personally like to be called whatever, as long as it's not "girl" (which is what alot of gay guys at the bar call everyone [or so they say]) My old manager at BK called everyone Sweetpea, and I didn't care. Cause she calls everyone that. So generally, I don't care what it is as long as it's male. Sir is good. Hell, even 'hey you' is fine as long as it's not female.

They're FTM(their partner) if I recall all the other threads by the OP.

Stud is a good one imo, hahaha.

[Miniar]

Hubby refers to me by a number of terms...
hun, kitten, and "boy"...
Stuff like that.

Boy and variations there of are the ones that make me squeak and grin like an idiot the most.. and he's been doing that since we started being serious at all really... 

[Greg]

some of my friends call me 'The General'. I find that quite enjoyable.

[Lachlann]

some of my friends call me 'The General'. I find that quite enjoyable.

Is there a story behind that one?

[Greg]

yeah it's to do with General Franco. My last name is similar to Franco but it usually just gets shortened to The General. I'm not an actual dictator or anything 

[Radar]

I hate, hate, hate terms of endearment but I've kind of learned to live with them as long as they're not too feminizing. I seem to tolerate a woman using them better when they know I'm male. What really, really pisses me off is when men would use them. Uh... no. That gets stopped quickly. I won't tolerate that.
Post Merge: April 05, 2010, 08:19:40 PM

yeah it's to do with General Franco. My last name is similar to Franco but it usually just gets shortened to The General. I'm not an actual dictator or anything 

I don't mind being called El Presidente at times. I've also been called a dictator alot. Like Osiris I've also been called Lord and Master... but never God. I'm not touching that one. Many times the funnier or smart assed nicknames are the best.

[Teknoir]

I don't mind being called El Presidente at times.

Heh heh... I was nicknamed "El PresiDante" by the class I was a part of last year, after being informally voted to lead a group project (I honestly wasn't trying, it just sort of happened!)

This year I somehow ended up with the nickname of Cisco. I think it's awesome (It was given in a good context). I wish I could take it with me, but... you kinda have to be given a nickname like that by other people - you can't just show up some place new with it without looking like a complete dick.


Sorry OP, I know that doesn't help.

Sucks he doesn't have a name yet, that would have been an easy answer. You could have based one off that.

Personally, I'm in the same boat as some others here - I'm also not comfortable with terms of endearment. It just... feels like I'm being clocked, or being described as feminine in some way.

[no_id]

Meh, I don't think 'sweetheart' is all that fem really.. or 'baby'... But, I guess more masculine variations could be 'stud', 'killer', 'chico' (as long as you don't snap your fingers or make a whistling sound..), and I like 'handsome' actually.. If you want to go for the jokingly laaaaaaame, laa-aaa-aaameee options, try 'Tarzan' and the first letter of their name +'-man'.

My SO calls me 'her sexy girldude' or just 'her sexy dude' or just.. 'her sexy'.. As long as it's sexy really.