Sweetie, here are seven sins that girls commit that they shouldn't, because it only hurts them and sets them back (I have been guilty of all 7 at one point or another):
1. Making steps to relieve their gender dysphoria contingent on their physical appearance.
Think about it: if a daughter of yours was suffering, and there were treatments or therapies that would alleviate her pain, would you deny her that relief because you thought she wasn't pretty enough or girly appearing enough? Then why would you ever do that to yourself? We do not earn relief from suffering by looking good. It is a basic human right.
2. Making pass-fail judgements when life is graded on a curve.
You say that you can't transition because of your neck. I promise you, if you had the loveliest most feminine neck in the world, your psyche would find your next weakest point to attack instead, and fail you based on that instead. The problem isn't between your shoulders and your chin; the problem is between your ears, like it is for almost all of us. There is help for that, always. It may start with getting help to learn to love yourself as you are right now, so you can do what you need to do to feel better in the future.
3. Comparing oneself to an unattainable ideal and coming up short.
This is almost a universal among transgender people who are frozen, unable to do anything: they are not comparing themselves to how they would be if they took no action; they are comparing themselves to some ideal in their head. Your only question is not- can I be THAT person or not. Your question needs to be: can the person I am find a better way to live for me? If yes or maybe, then why don't I try.
4. Comparing oneself unfairly.
Cisgender people do this too, but it is an epidemic among transgender people. Forget for a second that your physical differences are caused by having been born biologically male. Would a ciswoman with a similar disability or difference compare herself to a ciswoman without that disability or difference and decide that she couldn't be a woman? No. For example, there are many hormonal or chromosonal maladies that cause ciswomen to have thick musculature, little or no neck, male pattern baldness, pot belly obesity, or any number of other physical flaws that transwomen use to torment themselves. However much those ciswomen may wish they didn't have the flaws, it never makes them think for a second that they cannot live in society and within themselves as fully functioning, normal women. They just need to treat what they can, and compensate for what they can't, and get on with life. Just like us.
5. Putting the cart before the horse.
There are many self-defeating ways to fall into this trap. One cannot know how good they cannot look with proper makeup without learning to apply proper makeup or at least having it done. One cannot know how good they will appear with properly fitting and coordinated hair, clothing, accessories etc etc if one does not learn how to do it, or at least have it done. One can't know how one will look in the absence of testosterone when one's body is still pulsing with testosterone. One cannot know how one's body will change or fail to change on the right hormonal treatments, before one has been on them for a significant amount of time.
NOT ALL transition steps are ready for all people. But the order in which they can be done successfully is pretty well established.
Most important for any of us who are defeating ourselves with our own thinking, is to consider seeking therapy before making ANY decisions about the other stuff. Therapy is the horse for a lot of people. Reading books and talking to friends who have been there is another good horse. Don't mourn that your cart will never get anywhere until you've connected it to something proven to move real obstacles out of the way.
6. Assuming that transition is necessarily the goal.
Socially living in the gender that you feel fits you best does turn out to be the best outcome for some folks. Physically transforming your body in ways that makes it feel more congruent with the way you feel inside, does turn out to be the best outcome for other folks. Part time dressing, in private, or in public, in the clothing of another gender does bring relief and satisfaction to many folks.
It is always a mistake before you begin to assume that you have to go all the way or no way at all, especially where transition is concerned. Self-knowledge and self-expression go a long way... and for many people, go all the way they need to go. Until you have explored how far they can take you, it is probably pointless to worry about transition. Anyways, to get there you have to start here so quit worrying and start doing.
7. Not doing all they can, and seeking all the help they can muster, to succeed at their well thought out plan, for as long as it takes to get there and beyond.
Anything truly worth doing in life, is hard, challenging, and a long dirty slog through muck and mud, and can never be done alone. Gender transition is all that and more. Success has next to nothing to do with the body one started out with, and almost everything to do with the heart and soul one puts into it and the time, effort, and thoughtfulness with which one approaches it and is willing and able to seek and embrace the help and assistance of others.
Believe me on this one. I've seen transgirls destroy themselves who could pass as ciswomen models from day one, but never do the homework to get their heads screwed on straight. And I've seen impossible cases, like myself, do absolutely fabulous because they will not be defeated, will not give up, will not take no for an answer, and will not stop reaching out to others.
