When do I tell them?

[Samantha_Peterson]

Basically what my family thinks is that I am just a crossdresser and it's nothing more. They've signed me up for a meeting with a gender identity therapist on monday but I'm sure that they think I'll still "grow out of it".

I know it is more and that this is the wrong body for me. I also intend to tell the therapist this during our first meeting. When do I tell my parents though? Do I tell them now? After the Therapy Session? or should I just wait until my therapist thinks it's okay?

[Janet_Girl]

I would bring this up to your therapist.  But having said that, I think that you will know when you need to tell them.

There comes a time when you just have to be true to yourself and that means you have to be true to the world.

It is a tough thing to do, coming out family and friends.  One needs to be prepared for negative feedback or reactions.  It is not meant to become a fear that keeps you from being you, it is more of being ready that you might be ostracize.

[rejennyrated]

Like Janet I think you should tell them when you feel that it is right. I understand totally the feeling of wanting to share your truest and deepest self with your family. I also get the feeling of frustration and uncertainty. On the one hand you want to do it, but on the other you don't want to hurt them, or accidentally make things worse for yourself.

I told my family whilst I was still young enough to be in pre-school. They didn't believe me back then... (who believed what a five year old says) but because they were an understanding and loving lot they went along with it to a surprising extent and as a result I had a good childhood living sort of in between genders.

On the one had the sooner you tell the easier it will be to do, and once you have it out the way then there is nothing lurking in background as a big scry moment.

On the other hand, if you tell them before you have even seen the counselor they are probably apt to say "yes but the counseling may change your mind" so you have to be aware of that and be prepared to be gracious and not defensive in your reply. In other words a good reply might be "well it may do, but I would be very surprised if it did..." and not "No it won't!" - if you see the difference in emphasis there.

Whatever you decide I wish you good luck. I would say that from the fact that your family have hooked you up with a counselor they are good people who have your best interests at heart - so I'm pretty certain that like me and many others of the fortunate minority, you won't have to face too much in the way of hostility and rejection from them - which is great.

[YellowDaisy]

Basically what my family thinks is that I am just a crossdresser and it's nothing more. They've signed me up for a meeting with a gender identity therapist on monday but I'm sure that they think I'll still "grow out of it".

I know it is more and that this is the wrong body for me. I also intend to tell the therapist this during our first meeting. When do I tell my parents though? Do I tell them now? After the Therapy Session? or should I just wait until my therapist thinks it's okay?

i think it's a good idea to tell the therapist first, and then let them find out after the session. that way there is no obsession over the right time and place, because those can be hard to find.

[Samantha_Peterson]

To Janet: I'm not sure if I will be able to tell when it is right.

To rejennyrated: I see what you mean in defending my choice if I tell them before the meeting.

To Nicole: I've been thinking about it and I'm going to go with your plan. I'll tell them after the session and if they ask whether or not I brought it up with the therapist I can say yes.