another dating thread for mtfs

[Muffin]

...well.... I'm kinda talking to someone new online who is local and wants to meet me, he thinks my <<<< picture is puurrtty lol oh if only he knew hahah.

I've only met one other guy since I've started hrt and he just happened to be ok with me though I later found out he was a crossdresser >__< lol just my luck. SO I figured that was why he was ok. He was a jerk anyway.

But this new guy is the kind I would pick to not be understanding. So I figure I'll just wait until he tells all his friends/family/co-workers that I'm awesome then tell him about myself in more detail. I figure that way his friends/family etc well know it's just because of my situation and not because of who I am.
I don't know, it's scary I don't even like him.. just kinda enjoying the attention.. it's hilarious, I kept laughing while talking with him, I kinda feel a little wrong over it. hahahaha.
I guess the last thing I would ever want to do is get my hopes up. Not right now. He's very forward, it's way too confronting.
*opens the floor to other dating/flirting/whatever experiences*....

[Autumn]

That sounds like a recipe for disaster. I mean how long exactly do you plan to talk to him before meeting him? Despite what I practice, you don't have to end up in bed with someone on the first date. (In fact I discourage it... again, listen to what I preach, not what I practice.) I think that actually meeting someone and hanging out with them a few times is incredibly important to see what kind of person they really are.

Pre-op dating is a scary thing. I've kissed .... 3 people who didn't know my status. One guy, well, he maybe found out from friends. I never e-mailed him back. Drunken party stuff.

Another guy offered to give me a massage after I'd been beaten with a belt. It ended up going into a long, long makeout session (where I got topless - hey, my tits pass, sweet.) I told him a few days later my situation because he was crushing on me super hardcore, and I had to let him know that I wasn't interested in him (after a few of my female friends said they didn't consider themselves safe alone with him.) He ended up being more excited when I told him I didn't have a vagina...

I told my girlfriend at the end of our first date after we'd had a lovely dinner, dancing, and quiet girly snuggling afterwards. I felt something amazing with her and I didn't want to find rejection later on. It hurt me a lot to break the spell - because the sapphic energy we had going was something I'd never felt before in my life and hasn't been the same since I outed myself... but she still can't see me as anything but a girl. And we're happy that way.

Living in this relationship currently, I can't possibly imagine how I could stay stealth with a partner post-op. There's just too many details, too much of a past life...

my life looks pretty... unsuccessful in my eyes, if you don't realize what I've gone through. After I told her the whole trans spiel, she told me that she thought I was a stronger and better person for it and was glad that I'd told her. But she's a unique angel, I think.

At the same time, my god it's a great feeling just to be seen naturally as yourself. Oh well. Nothing I can do about that til post-op anyway.

I think, if he were not accepting, that he'd be MIGHTY PISSED if he told his whole family and friends about you and then found out. Plus the internet makes everyone more desirable. If he likes you after a date or two, then play it by ear.

Also be ready to kiss on said dates.

[Muffin]

After I finished talking to this new guy and slept on it I figured he isn't anywhere near what I want so I put him on block.
I have a best friend and he is without a doubt the best guy I have ever met. He has set the benchmark way too high, I'd be lying if I said I don't have a crush on him. He's just that perfect in every way. The other day he said how he's thinking of breaking up with his g/f and I thought "->-bleeped-<- what should I say, hmmm my opinion is so bias and he will pick up on that...quick change the subject". Which sucked because it's rare that he actually talks about such things and now that he sees me differently then maybe he was testing the waters with such conversations.
So yeah if I can't have him or someone as good as him I don't want to know, it sucks but it's for the best, I could never be with someone I wasn't 120% sure about, I'm too much of an individual to do that.
I guess I am kidding myself trying to date pre-op, I mean I don't have the one thing most guys want to start with. Not that that would decide anything it just feels wrong and false...misleading.
I know for sure that my feelings and pov is changing when it comes to dating and it's scary and ......very much new ground. Everything I learnt before seems less relevant now. Which is good but yeah very scary.
I'm usually content to not met new people but recently I feel like I can't wait that long. I have a burning desire for looooovvvvveeee, even just a friend I can hug on regular occasions :-/
I've never felt comfortable hugging my best friend, maybe I should just do it. See how he reacts lols!!!!!!!!!! It will have to happen sooner or later!
I saw a youtube video the other day about crushes when just starting hrt and it's so true I have to be careful... because there is a 99% chance he will never see me as an "option". awww.

[Muffin]

What, a brain?

"Not that that would decide anything"
No, a vagina. Not sure if you've noticed but guys dig them.

And this guy last night gave the impression that he was more interested in looks, meeting up for stuff etc over what I had to say.
He is not the first to come across that way, which is why I mentioned my best friend. Did you read that part?

It won't feel that way if you're up-front about it.

I'm talking about the lead up, I only talked to this guy once!!!! I'm not going to blurt it out after two seconds! :S
It's just knowing it's coming that moment of truth, that moment where you find out just how open minded he is. Always a barrel of laughs. *sigh*
"so..... yeah I have a cock!!!!! what do you think about that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". "wwwuuuurreeeee .....yeah that's kinda freaky, hey ..I gotta go I just rememerebrewlefg euir eruiy fie..".
Did you have anything worthwhile to add to the thread?

[PanoramaIsland]

Surely part of the solution here is seeking out guys who are of the type to be trans-friendly? Find compassionate lefty volunteery types - the kind of people who would get really into raising money for the AIDS Walk.

You'll have a lot better luck with guys who either:
(a) are already aware and understanding of trans people and trans issues, or
(b) are the type who would actually like and enjoy learning about it and trying to expand themselves as people for your sake
than guys who either are randomly selected out of the generally quite transphobic population of the world at large or, even worse, seem not to be the type who would be likely to be trans-friendly.

Remember, this is about physical safety as well as dating success.

---

I don't think it's misandrist to say that pussy is what most men look for and think they want. This is not saying that men don't care about anything but getting a cheap ->-bleeped-<- (which is a cultural myth; men are complex creatures, not simpletons, by and large). This is saying that men are socialized to assume that they are straight, and that they therefore want pussy. Pre-/non-op transwomen ->-bleeped-<- with straight guys' expectations by not having pussies. Such is life.

[Muffin]

The majority of guys I know are more interested in a woman's brains than her vagina.
It's pretty misandrist to assume that men mostly want pussy over anything else.

lols

It immediately weeds the dip->-bleeped-<-s out from the genuinely awesome guys, so it's a great way of finding our which one of the two he is - which saves you from wasting your time.

What did you think I thought it was? der... anyway I can't pretend that it's not soul crushing to have so many rejections that are based around misinformation and bull->-bleeped-<- social conventions.
Which is what I was hinting at, to be so desperate that you enjoy the attention, the attention of a guy that is half ones age mentally and does not spark any real interest in you that you're shocked to have even considered talking to them in the first place. Especially when your benchmark best friend who is ridiculously rare and happens to be the model of the perfect guy for me is just a few streets away.

[Autumn]

okay since I'm apparently the only one actually talking about dating in the dating thread

inner-netz chatting isn't dating. Also it's not like you provided enough info about your situation to know where you're at in transition, anyway. If you're early on HRT, then dating a guy who isn't openly bi or really understanding is going to be pretty awkward. If you are capable of presenting female, then you have a chance at dating as female. If you can't present female (voice and all), then you will probably want to wait til you are more capable. Same way people don't date if they're working 80 hours, or other temporary roadblocks.

[Muffin]

I never implied that chatting online was dating, I used the word dating as an all encompassing term.. for this thread. Chatting online is a part of it to me, it can be the beginning, which is where I feel I am at. Though I've decided it's still all too much and I'm going back into hiding.
It's true autumn your posts have been good but I'm over it now.

[Autumn]

Well, sorry. Been there, done that, found people eventually... it definitely sucks for a great deal of time.

[BardicFire]

besides I think that they were referring to your best friend, I think if you were up front about it there'd be more of a chance of him seeing you as an option. just let him know, openly, that you have feelings for him, and that you don't want it to affect the relationship if he doesn't in return, but would very much like to affect the relationship if he DID have feelings in return.

[Muffin]

Yeah it is a good idea, but personally I wouldn't feel comfortable doing so until I was post-op. Which I'm sure sounds strange because I've considered other people in the past. But I feel it is far too soon, even though I told him over a year ago I still think he sees me in the same light. I don't feel like I've developed into the person that I want him to fall for yet.. not to say that I have it all planned out or anything lol! If we just remind friends then I will be equally as happy!
So I guess.......... has anyone else tested the waters out there pre-op to then find it feels too soon?

[BardicFire]

well I didn't feel it was too early, but I will say that I started dating my girlfriend before I had fully decided to transition (although I was already identifying as "a girl stuck in a guys body), two months in I started officially trying to transition, and though it's been hard for her to accept being a relationship with a girl and not a guy (and she is bisexual btw), she's still been great support, I don't think I could've done as much as I have if she wasn't here (including actually having clothing to dress in). Having a significant other in my honest opinion, can be taxing, hard, and feel strange at times, but it is worth it if there is someone there (and you can't let them get away) and rewarding and so incredibly helpful.