I had a dream I was on hormones

Jaden · April 17, 2010, 07:39:45 PM

Yup, I had a dream I was on T. I was with my mom at one of her doctor appointments and I ended up a prescription for testosterone. I didn't have go to a psychologist nor did the lady that prescribed it show me how to inject it so I ended up looking at youtube videos to learn how to inject it then I gave myself my first shot.

I was really scared that I wouldn't be androgynous anymore and asking myself when should I stop taking hormones and all the changes that would come from it. I was really excited too though about all the changes. Then I was going to post something in FTM forum about how I was prescribed T without having to see a psychologist. At the end of the dream I got a letter from the doctor saying that I wouldn't get a another bottle of T unless I saw a psychologist though and then I woke up.

Sevan · April 17, 2010, 08:41:50 PM

Interesting dream. Have you been thinking about where you fit in the trans umbrella? Or did this dream just kinda crop up out of no where?

Regardless...interesting! I always think it's really interesting when I dream about transition or related topics.

A few months ago I had a dream that I was a man. I knew I'd started life as a girl but no where in my dream did I transition, nor could my dream self remember transitioning...it was weird. However especially telling was that I was just as uncomfortable in my skin in the dream. I didn't want to be a man...I wanted to be andro.

*hugs*

cynthialee · April 17, 2010, 08:44:52 PM

Some andros do use hrt.

Sevan · April 17, 2010, 08:48:41 PM

*raises hand* Yep! Me.

Jaden · April 17, 2010, 11:03:35 PM

I have thought about going on hormones and how awesome it would be to take on a more masculine appearance. I'm really indecisive on it though, because one minute I want to do it then the next minute I don't want to "go to the other side" as I call it and how I would explain it to my family. But I never thought that I would have a dream about it. I just wish I was born a boy.

kyle_lawrence · April 17, 2010, 11:19:47 PM

I've never dreamed about transitioning, but then again I rarely remember my dreams. I have considered going on T though. It was a super intense, mentally draining year where I would get super excited about finding a therapist, and id'ing as trans, and getting T. Then a few weeks later, I was doubting it, and hating the idea of transitioning, and trying to prove that I could be a girl.

Now I take herbal supplements that very gradually increase testosterone production, and work out regularly, and I feel like I've found my balance, and figured out how to be and/or.

Jaden · April 17, 2010, 11:43:26 PM

Quote from: kyle_lawrence on April 17, 2010, 11:19:47 PM
I've never dreamed about transitioning, but then again I rarely remember my dreams. I have considered going on T though. It was a super intense, mentally draining year where I would get super excited about finding a therapist, and id'ing as trans, and getting T. Then a few weeks later, I was doubting it, and hating the idea of transitioning, and trying to prove that I could be a girl.

Now I take herbal supplements that very gradually increase testosterone production, and work out regularly, and I feel like I've found my balance, and figured out how to be and/or.

How did you get those supplements and what kind of effect are they having on your body? Just curious.

Virginia · April 18, 2010, 11:11:02 AM

I have been on transition level HRT since the beginning of the year (estrogen and testosterone blockers). It had nothing to do wanting changes- my gender dysphoria had progressed to the point that it was unbearable. I had no choice but to start.

HRT has been an incredible relief. The zombie like days and sleepless nights are gone. I am comfortable in my own skin again. I present as a guy the majority of the time, but spend a day a week out and about people as my female self. It is a balance that seems to be working for me

Sevan · April 18, 2010, 12:52:00 PM

Quote from: Virginia on April 18, 2010, 11:11:02 AM
I have been on transition level HRT since the beginning of the year (estrogen and testosterone blockers). It had nothing to do wanting changes- my gender dysphoria had progressed to the point that it was unbearable. I had no choice but to start.

HRT has been an incredible relief. The zombie like days and sleepless nights are gone. I am comfortable in my own skin again. I present as a guy the majority of the time, but spend a day a week out and about people as my female self. It is a balance that seems to be working for me

This! Virginia I'm totally there with you. I had no desire to transition. I still really don't desire to transition. I wasn't seeking to change my body but I had to do SOMETHING to allievate the feeling of dysphoria and over all depression. I totally hit a wall and T became my only option. I haven't suffered from my depression since, I'm happy, I'm here and present and grounded! It's amazing! I totally understand what your saying here.

Virginia · April 18, 2010, 01:29:48 PM

Phoenix Rising, you are the FIRST person I have ever met who actually understands. Most people who hear I am on HRT assume I am all about growing who-haas. They have no idea of the living hell I went through before I started my regimen. I spent TEN months of frustrating therapy with a gender therapist who did nothing but cram transition down my throat. It took my OBGYN's referral to their Clinic's psychologist, a half day interview and a thousand question psychological survey to find out I am just as dysphoric about my female nature as I am my male. Uncomfortable combining the two, I have a driving need to express myself 100% male or 100% female becoming dysphoric at either extreme when I spend too much time there. I see myself a woman in a guy's body who prefers to express herself as a man and unwilling to give up her femininity.

Sevan · April 18, 2010, 01:38:51 PM

Oh my goodness! At the risk of hijacking this thread...you almost made me cry!! (good happy, omg she gets it...tears) It's rare that I desire to combine my look into an over all "androgyn" appearence. Generally the furthest I'll go is men's pants with a woman's top. Most days though I'm dressed either fully fem or fully male. (though I almost never bind...hurts too much. DDD cups...grr.)

For the most part I'm enjoying my transition, and the physical traits that are coming from it (lower voice, hair growth..ect) but they are really secondary to my mental health. My mental health was the driving force of transition. The physical effects are really more like...side effects to my new found sanity. Ooooo thanks! You just gave me my video blog topic

kyle_lawrence · April 18, 2010, 09:43:08 PM

Quote from: Jaden on April 17, 2010, 11:43:26 PM
How did you get those supplements and what kind of effect are they having on your body? Just curious.

It's all legal (in the U.S.) from vitamin stores, mostly supplements that are used by body builders. DHEA, which has been discussed in several threads over on the FTM forum, Tribulus terestris, and DHEA. I've basically noticed that working out seems to be more effective, a little increase in body hair, and I think my voice has dropped a little. Its not enough for other people to notice, but I do and it makes a difference for me mentally. In general I feel more comfortable in my skin, and ultimately more confident.

Kinkly · April 21, 2010, 05:42:05 AM

Quote from: phx_rising on April 17, 2010, 08:48:41 PM
*raises hand* Yep! Me.

Me 2

Sevan · April 21, 2010, 10:40:04 PM

your on HRT Kinkly?! How did I not know that!!?!

Kinkly · April 22, 2010, 09:53:05 PM

Quote from: phx_rising on April 21, 2010, 10:40:04 PM
your on HRT Kinkly?! How did I not know that!!?!

yep progynova, spiro & "the pill"
the spiro is new been on the other 2 for over 9 months I think
I don't know how you didn't know

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I had a dream I was on hormones

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