Dont think it's gonna happen.

[MRH]

I dont think im gonna transistion into male. As much as I would love to I just cant do it to the people around me. My boyfriend keeps explaining that he is fine with it but I cant help but feel so guilty for making him stay with me as a man. I feel like im taking the last 2 years away from him where I was a woman. I know it should be based on how I feel but I just cant seem to bring myself to go forward with something I know is gonna hurt people. I keep worrying about little things like what if me and my boyfriend go out and some idiots start on us for being gay and then we end up in a fight and my boyfriend gets hurt. Then he's just taken a beaten when he isnt actually gay. Or if we have  kids and our kids have 2 dads. I want my kids to have a normal life and they'll probably be messed up anyway between my psychosis and my boyfriends bipolar disorder lol. I just want things to be as easy as possible and I think that means just keeping life as is it. I dont know if I can deal with staying as I am but I really can not stand hurting my loved ones. Its too difficult to decide.

But one thing that made me feel better was this...
My boyfriend described it as pokemon evoling
Im now a Pikachu and im gonna evole into a stronger, better Raichu. Even though the pokemon is still the same person he'll miss the cute look of the Pikachu

[LordKAT]

Do what is right for you. If that changes, the advice stays the same. I hope it works out for you.

[Roro]

One more vote for doing what is right for yourself.

HOWEVER if not transitioning is right for you, it's still okay. I wish someone would have told me that years ago. There is so much pressure in the trans community to jump in with both feet, never look back, etc. If what's right for you is sitting back and taking some time to figure out what you want, that's okay too. If it takes years. That's okay. Don't let anyone tell you to speed something up. Don't let someone hold you back either.

You have to go at your own pace and if in the end you figure out that you don't want to transition, you're not being bad, or doing it wrong, or instantly going to be exiled from transland. If you do want to transition, more power to you. I'm happy for you that you have someone so supportive in your life.

If you don't want to, you are still "allowed" to call yourself trans. You're still "allowed" to identify as you wish. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Part of doing what is right for you involves realizing what sacrifices you're willing to make as of right now, and what chances you're willing to take. I applaud anyone who takes the time to think it out then act how they see fit in a rational way. Sometimes, yes, doing what is right for you involves alienating people. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it'll surprise you and throw you for a loop. People you thought had your back suddenly won't and some of the least likely folks will end up helping you in ways you can't even imagine.

The best advice I can give is to take it one day at a time, make lists of pro's and con's till your fingers turn blue, and just think. At some point the answer will become plain as day. It may be tomorrow, it may be ten years from now. When it's right it's right.

[Torn1990]

  i really respect your decision, and I hope the best for you I hope all the other issues involved can somehow be relieved while you remain how you are.

Good luck.

[gennee]

Transition isn't for everybody. I'm not transitioning or taking hormones. I live a good part of the time as an MTF. My wife and son are okay with it. I've very happy with the way I am.

Gennee   

[RAY]

It's never easy to be what you desire so taking this far is a brave choice. Never feel compelled to let others make decisions you know you're not comfortable with. It's your body follow what ever you have in your heart and mind to do.

[MRH]

Here's hoping you get some sweet electricity attacks and dominate them water types 

That made me smile

And thanks to everyone else for replying.
The last few days have been hell. I think im at the point of having to choose between my gender and my boyfriend. He says he will still love me but our relationship will be more like best friends which I guess I could live with but we're both really worried about when it comes to children. He doesnt feel comfortable raising a kid with me if im a guy so he has said he wont have kids but that really hurt me because the last thing I wanna do is take away his right to have a kid. I also feel like over time we will just be friends and nothing more and he will find someone else which would break my heart. I could still be with him as a man but thats just gonna screw his life up so I really dont know what to do. I could stay a woman and have a normal happy family with him but I just dont feel I could. I really dont want to actually give birth and it really scares me. Giving birth is probably the ultimate woman thing lol and I dont know if I could do that. This has been driving me mad for days and i really cant choose. Im really scared. Either way Im losing something important to me.

[Rock_chick]

my own experiences are somewhat similar to yours...not entirely, but close enough to bare comparison. while I was at uni in my early 20's I finally got my head round the fact that yes, I was in fact a girl, tho I didn't tell anyone...i just knew it in my heart. And tho I never really consciously made any decision to dress and act the way I did, it was a transition of sorts and chances are, given time I would have come out and started properly. however, I met a girl, we fell in love, got engaged and we would have got married, had kids...everything. Thing is, even tho there were many moments of happiness, the GD never went away and the walls I put up around it did come between us. we'd have terrible arguments, where I'd get shouted at and just wouldn't respond...which only made things worse...afterwards I sit there and silently wish that we would break up so I could just run away and be myself. We did split up eventually, and I kind of did run away so I could be myself...without really leaving lol , and despite some nasty patches, we're still friends...in many ways a lot closer than when we were together.

You need to think very carefully about what you want to do because while transition isn't for everybody, putting someone else's happiness before your own, which on teh surface appears noble and selfless, will actually leave you feeling bitter, empty and numb, and filled with a whole lot of undirected anger at yourself and the world, because that's exactly how i felt.

I'm not trying to tell you to put yourself before your boyfriend, or the other way round...what you need to do is do what is best for both of you.