omg my best friend?

[jesse]

ok so i need to add a little background before i can state the issue my best friend Sonny recently called me out of the blue i havnt seen him in about 8 years wanting to get together and hang out i declined because im mid transition. he has known me my whole life. when i was attacted and raped at 14 he was the person i confided in and when i was with him it went away during the time we were together. After the attack i repressed and went into hyper male mode. we went into the military together and he has seen me at my male worst during desert storm (think not a nice guy) when we got out we worked together at a lot of jobs convenience stores went to college together etc rarely seperated. he was my best man at my wedding. i gave him a place to stay threw 3 divorces and helped him with his women problems and eventually he to got married again and now has 2 kids the first of which bares my male name (jesse). after that we drifted apart. fast forward 8 years i have started transition and he wants to see me. i talked again to him on cidy james advice and we met up today. it was wonderful like we were never apart i was in female mode as he said he was ok and that he knew 30 years ago i was trans and that he wasnt an idiot he knew it didnt go away and just assumed i had found a way to cope. (which i did i buried it) so to get to the point when we parted he held my hand and kissed me on the cheek i turned sooo red my problem is i dont know how to take this my wife use to say she thought he was gay because of the way we interacted i never read him as being gay and i dont even have an orientation as im not sure what i like it was very ackward to me espeacially given my fear of being touched by guys. it took all i could manage just to dance with one at a lgbt club here in denver a while ago. i have never been good at reading signals that people give off id like to hang out with him more but i dont want it to feel weird.
jessica

[Autumn]

Dear god, girl, he was your childhood friend. Don't freak out. For one, a lot of people actually experimented as children and teenagers. For two, it sounds like a wonderful time. Since you're both married, well, I wouldn't get too many thoughts just yet. He was an immense part of your life in the past, quite a pillar, so don't turn away from it now, especially after you've found his reaction.

I think four marriages says he's interested enough in women to keep trying. Besides, as I had to explain to a friend of mine two days ago...

"No, we do not need to get a cute gay guy for me. We need to get a cute gay girl for me."

[jesse]

ty autumn your probabaly right as usual lol i get freaked out easily by the way im no longer married im just not use to putting the ex in front of wife yet she kicked me to the curb when i told her i was trans a couple months before the holidays last year and wouldnt let me see my kids at christmas bad times for me then
hugs thanks for helping
jessica

[Autumn]

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.

I'm sorry about that. I've been very lucky so far, I can't imagine what most people seem to go through as far as social abuses. It sounds like more than ever you need someone supportive in your life. If nothing else, it can be a form of acclimatization to the idea of being around men. God, I was terrified of being around them to nearly panic attack levels until I was nearly 19...

[gothique11]

I'm glad it went well... maybe you were just nervous 'cause you haven't seen him in a long time and this time you've started transitioning. Um, and maybe, 'cause holding your hand and giving you a kiss on the cheek wasn't something you did with him before?

If he is attracted to you (not saying he is), then he wouldn't be gay 'cause he'd be attracted to the woman you are. Just a thought.

[justmeinoz]

Sounds like he just wanted to say goodbye to a close female friend, the same as he probably does with a sister or his mother. 
Shaking hands would have probably felt a bit impersonal if you were best friends for so long.

[Janet_Girl]

I think that he is happy that you finally came out to yourself.  After all he knew and was still your friend.  And I think he will be your friend for a lot longer.

[hkgurl1480]

Sounds like he just wanted to say goodbye to a close female friend, the same as he probably does with a sister or his mother. 
Shaking hands would have probably felt a bit impersonal if you were best friends for so long.

Ditto
Plus maybe it was another way of him showing acceptance for who you are.

Whatever, it sounds like you have a keeper

Shelly
xx

[Karla]

jesse, hey.

That kind of friend don't just come knocking on your door (or do they? ) . Hold on to him.

My shades just turned pink

All the best.

[Alyssa M.]

That sounds really wonderful! Though I agree that the affection-from-men thing can be strange.

I've had the same kind of experience, many times over, though more with hugging than kissing. Since I'm not into guys, not even a little, it's very rare that I'm particularly interested in getting a hug from one, but it's mostly fine. It can be particularly awkward with my pre-transition male friends. There's definitely some etiquette that hasn't been worked out. Guys I've met more recently just hug the same way everyone seems to hug these days. I guess it's nice, though definitely a bit awkward for me. It's kind of like in France, how everyone kisses to say "salut" or "au revoir" (the guys-meeting-each-other light handshake notwithstanding). There's a bit of culture shock if you're not used to it.

[jesse]

thanks for replying all of you this turned out way better then i had hoped we are going to hangout this weekend i stopped by his place and reaquainted with his wife. A little awkward at first but she is a sweet lady At first she didnt know what to say which is what made it awkward i was also in uniform i wasnt a cop when she last saw me hehe i can only imagine what went threw her mind " jessie your a female cop" im still laughing as i type this it just struck me as so damn funny the look on her face was made of gold. i love these moments once i get over my anxiety it keeps me smiling for days. i finally got a hug and she began to show me her home.
jessica

[justmeinoz]

Sounds like you might have the makings of a close female friendship there Jesse. 
Do the male members in your Dept who know your history treat you any differently to a GG Policewoman?  (I was in the job for 30 years, but it got better!) I always felt that there were two attitudes, one that just saw the uniform regardless of gender, and the other that was mysogynist.

[jesse]

actually justmeinoz they were curious as to how far i have gone but now they treat me like any other female officer its the woman that are standoffish or curt. i think they need to adjust is all i hired in as female after getting layed off by budget cuts ib denver. Adams county is shapping up to be a better agency i think
jessica

[rejennyrated]

Don't take this too seriously Jessica - I'm not being offensive, this is just a bit of harmless leg pulling now, but...

If you were in the UK there are one or two erm.... "mags" that would pay for your SRS in return for the rights to a photoshoot or two with you and your uniform afterwards...

I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't actually WANT to do those kinds of photo but in actual fact I do know of one real life old timer, like me, who paid for her surgery back in the mid 80's with just such a stunt... She got thrown out of her job though - so it's probably not that great a plan in fact.

[justmeinoz]

It sounds like you are being judged as just another uniform then, which is great to hear.  I know of one T-copper here, who seems to be doing ok.  The fact that she is about 6'4 and 250+ probably means she doesn't get much lip from the crims!

[Chrissty]

Hi Jessica...

I just think this all sounds very positive.... 

Having contact and acceptance from a good friend/family sounds like just what you need right now.



Chrissty

[andream]

I wish I had a friend like that! Hold on to that friendship as tightly as you can, because from what you have written, he really does sound like somebody who truly cares about you!