Ok/ Pee-Poles...here is a soon to be publish poem in my upcoming "Poetry-release" book...I am interested in "feed-back..." on this particular one...sooo all critiqued "citicism" is welcomed
The ONLY thing that I ask, is that please [as Susan has suggested] refrain from copy[ing]...I will let you
all be aware of the books publication...then after that...feel free to copy...and thank you for your support
LaPapito [now without further ado...]
Everywhere there is darkness...outside autumn has left (and) with it she took life-.
The trees empty now...are no-longer colorful/ only emptiness remains/ the city unfruitful...my heart feels no light-.
And outside...there was frost upon the windowsill...only to soon to be diluted by the dark falling rain...which showered the city's night-.
Birds huddled closely...to stay warm...not a sound was made as I glanced into the dark/ the hours appear cold...when you are not around-.
Why does the ground seem lonely...? There is no-one here to hear my thoughts/ "shall I pour you a drink...?" I heard myself speak to me (and) I answered, "scotch-on-the-rocks...with a twist...!"
"Bartender...make that a double...my mind needs a fix tonight...!" I told myself/ it is natural that I should think of you (at this time)/ the flower lies deceitfully limp...where you left it...two days ago-.
I can not clear my mind from these thoughts you gave to me...when you gave me the flower-.
I can see the lights from the bridge...but no lights shine in my heart/ your warm chest can not be felt...against...my cold one/ thus leaving my soul...desolate (and) wandering...(and) forgetting you-.
"Who will allow me to sleep tonight...?" I ask/ the goddess of the bridge is bright (and) forth-coming/ "who shall sing me a song...?" again I ask...when the nightingales all sing away...from me-.
The river (he is) deep (and) I can not swim...yet I have walked a mile across the bridge...to do what is natural for me/ take flight young birds to the park where Jackie lives (and) sing for the souls whose lights have all burned out-.
Forgetting you..."who will allow my drunken state to become sober...?" pausing...(and) waiting for an answer...I look in the mirror (and) respond, "bartender...another Johnny on tha rocks...(and) make it a double...!"
Shake loose my soul (and) tear it away from this temple of mendacity...!
(311)/ 23lines
