Coping with genital dysphoria in a relationship

[severin]

I have a boyfriend of two years. We met when I'd only just started HRT. As time goes on being on HRT, my brain seems to be rewiring itself more and more so in terms of my sexual response.

It's gotten to where I've had to turn him down for sex -or even stop after I initiate sex -because I get so upset having to deal with my genitals. Basically I hate getting erect, having to look at it or even really being naked. I really didn't used to have such issues, but I guess, living as a woman in every other way had made it an issue.

It's an open relationship so I'm able to sleep with cisgirls and tgirls with whom I have a lot less genital issues. Conversely, he sometimes sleeps with a cisgirl and I get deathly insecure if my thoughts wonder onto how her body is different from mine; moreover I get jealous of women in general who can enjoy sex simply and naturally.

Am curious whether there are any mental (or even mechanical!) techniques I can use to deal with this.

[azSam]

This is a very good topic. This is something that interests me as well. While I am 110% definitely going to get my surgery someday, sadly that day has not arrived. Just the thought of having a sexual relationship with my current "unfortunate equipment" puts me into a funk.

So I would also be interested to know how people in similar situations have coped or adapted to this crippling problem.

[Bird]

I don't have sex basically.

At 3 months in HRT, I feel I have the body of a girl and it is yet unready to meet a adult man intimately.

With that said, when I have intimate moments with myself, I manipulate my genitals like it was a clitoris.  Anyway, I believe having sex at this moment would just be bad for me
in a psychological way. I am feeling too much on the female side of the spectrum to even remotely accept I have male genitals.

[severin]

I guess the thing that bothers me about being with him in specific is that he's (mostly) straight, and our relationship has a very heterosexual dynamic. He refuses to even go down on me (even though every other guy has). It's a really tricky balance between trying to ignore my parts or trying to embrace having them just enough to enjoy being with someone sexually. Now, how to say this without being graphic or embarrassing.. Sometimes I just stay clothed, whether it's a skirt or whatever so I can stay tucked while we have sex. Or once I used medical tape -which worked surprisingly well.. but perhaps only because I was stoned enough not to feel ridiculous. 

@Maiara: right, masturbation isn't a problem, at all. I can keep it positioned like a clitoris and use a bullet vibrator.

[Kim 526]

Hi, from your last post it sounds like both of you might have issues around your genitals. Have you discussed it with him in that context? Might be a fruitful discussion.
Hugs,
Kim

[severin]

He keeps saying he's completely fine with it (it being my parts). We've been over this so many times. It's really annoying. We both want to be ok with it, but I get all emotional and no sex can be had.

[Bird]

I think  if he doesn't likes male genitalia, he simply doesn't likes male genitalia.

I'd keep hidding it or having sex half clothed. I'm sorry I can't give you more ideas, I'm in a worse situation regarding this since I can't have sex -at all- for now.

[RAY]

You both sound like your struggles are more about comfort than what is between your legs. I hope you both can find counseling it's hard enough to be alone. Glad you both are together life is never a easy journey.

[Myself]

My boyfriend and I went into relationship just about when I started hormones too. Sex = 0.

He understands and he respects and in 2.5-3 months I finally have my surgery.

Patience.

Sex with girls? um, why? O_o

[Nero]

I have a boyfriend of two years. We met when I'd only just started HRT. As time goes on being on HRT, my brain seems to be rewiring itself more and more so in terms of my sexual response.

It's gotten to where I've had to turn him down for sex -or even stop after I initiate sex -because I get so upset having to deal with my genitals. Basically I hate getting erect, having to look at it or even really being naked. I really didn't used to have such issues, but I guess, living as a woman in every other way had made it an issue.

It's an open relationship so I'm able to sleep with cisgirls and tgirls with whom I have a lot less genital issues. Conversely, he sometimes sleeps with a cisgirl and I get deathly insecure if my thoughts wonder onto how her body is different from mine; moreover I get jealous of women in general who can enjoy sex simply and naturally.

Am curious whether there are any mental (or even mechanical!) techniques I can use to deal with this.

I know insecurities inevitably crop up, but it doesn't sound like you have any need to be insecure. If he only wanted to sleep with cisgirls, he would. It sounds like he just sees you as any other girl and just isn't into male genitalia.

[A]

However depressing this may sound, I think this will always be an issue until you get surgery... Some techniques like imagining your penis is a sex toy or wrapping
yourself in very intense fantasy works for some, but it may not work at all for you. After all, who would need SRS if everyone could go as far as have sex without a
problem?

My very own solution has been to avoid sex and love relationships completely until SRS is completed, but asexual relationships with non-asexual partners usually end
up in the garbage...

Sorry I could not be of much help.

(Shouldn't this go in Sexuality?)