Well... I think I should de-transition

[Hector]

Well... I'm in therapy with a psycho specialized in GID.
I had always been a tomboy girl, some years ago I suffered of a big trauma from my former boyfriend and I felt really bad (I even tried suicide).
After that I started to behave more manly, and it felt so good. I started to think about transition, I met other trans people but I was a bit unsure.
I started transition. I went in therapy, next month I could start hormones if I want.
But... now that all my friends speak to me using male pronouns and I pass costantly... I don't feel so good.
Some days ago I stared in the mirror and I didn't recognize myself again like it happened to me a lot of years ago when I tried to be a girly girl.
I talked with my psycho. I have a female part, and I don't have to forgot it. I have also a male part, and I don't have to forgot is either.
So probably I should only do the tomboy girl, not try to force me being a totally male.
The problem is that all my friends know me as a FtM. Also, I have some FtM friends that would surely give up with me if I tell them this. I tried to talk with some of them and all I got was "I don't believe in half ways, you are male or female. Other things sucks". It's a bit annoying.

I hate being female, but I must accept it because I partially am.
Damn. 

[Hurtfulsplash]

Some of your friends don't sound like good friends if they'll give up on you for a reason like that. And there are half ways, I'm sure a lot of people here will agree. This sounds cliche but be who you want to be and don't be ashamed of it. You're real friends will just want you to be happy.

[rejennyrated]

Hector - I think you may find a lot of very likeminded people in the Androgyne section.

There are varying degrees of what you describe, I have a very mild case myself. I am mostly female, but I have a few male aspects that, unlike most transwomen, I am unwilling to kill off, and paradoxically now that I am not male I find I enjoy playing the role at times.

Some of us felt that we needed to go through full transitions and surgery to get to where we needed to be, others of us didn't, but however we got there we all acknowledge that there is more to us than a classical single gender stereotype can accomodate. Come join us

[Hector]

Yes... the problem is that in my country you do the whole transition or you do nothing. Italy is more binary than USA, I think. And also, gender is in almost all the words.
It's difficult to transition but it's also difficult to live in the middle. For example you can't change you legal name in a male name until you do bottom surgery, because if you for the law are female you can't have a male name, and neutral names doesn't exist. Or else, if you want to have a male name you have to change sex. No half ways

[rejennyrated]

Well I'm in the UK - you could always come somewhere like here - we're in the EU so you would have every right to come and work and live here - and we are far from binary.

In fact these days most of the UK seems very accepting of all types of gender presentation.

[no_id]

For starters; I think any friend that drops you because you want to be you isn't worth a breath for words.

Otherwise, it's only natural to doubt transition - I think a lot of folk do some point in time. If you're not comfortable with what you're doing then simply take a step back. You don't have to go back to presenting as female if that's not in your comfort zone. Don't overworry about everything and anything at this point; simply take small steps until you reach a 'you' where you are comfortable and then look at where exactly that is.

Your country's policy sounds pretty damn... binary (yup I think that's an appropriate word). Like Jenny points out: you can always decide to move elsewhere (fresh start and all that), but I wouldn't do that until you got figured out where you belong.

Ah and do hop by the Androgyne section, might give you some peace of mind. 

[Laura Emily]

If you're friends are really you're friends, they will only want you to be happy. It should not matter what that means. As long as you are happy, they should accept that. Live life the way that makes you happy and don't worry about those who leave it, because they didn't agree with your choices. As per previous advice given, perhaps moving to a more accepting place would be a good idea at some point. Everything is definitely not black/white. There is and always will be a gray area in between.