I noticed a difference in the type of aggression I have post-T. It's slower, more tempered and more controllable. It's more a force I can control and put to use, rather than a force that controls me.
I would say I don't get as angry, but I actually lost my temper a little last night. It was the first time since starting T, and proved that I still have that tipping point that makes irritation turn to anger.
I'd been up since 04:30 to get to work, on the train in the icy cold at 05:50, blood test at 08:00 and they wiggled the needle and bruised my arm, worked all day and FINALLY commuted back to my "home city" on a peak hour train full of screaming teenagers to the local medical centre for my shot at 18:30.
Being a Friday, I was kinda strung out. Needed the weekend sleep.
The woman drawing my T was busy chatting to her co-worker and didn't put the needle together properly. It fell to bits, and my T sprayed all over the office.
It was the second last shot I had left, and I didn't think I had the repeats to last until I could see my endo again. They didn't offer to (and won't) replace it - only write a repeat for a replacement when my current script runs out.
So, I had to go home and come back with my last amp.
I managed to remain polite until I got to the car park elevator (ie : out of eye and earshot). Then I hit the wall and went on a swearing rant for the next 15 mins.
After that? Chilled right out. And stayed chilled, even when they hit a nerve and my muscle contracted injecting the T (but at least they got in it that time
).
I think the best way to handle it, is to let it out in a controlled manner. Get out of earshot, and let fly. Get angry. Hit something. Go somewhere where you are alone, and go ballistic.
Channelling aggression into other, more constructive pursuits is great up to a point - but sometimes when you're feeling like an angry ->-bleeped-<-, you've just gotta go and let yourself be an angry aggressive ->-bleeped-<-. It's as natural a state of being as any other.
