I've come out to a few friends since I joined this forum, which was a huge step for me. I now have people other than my therapist or boyfriend who I can be myself around, and they've embraced me as the same person I always was, just with a clarification about my gender.
The next step for me is to come out to my family, specifically my mother, as she's the one who I feel the most comfortable talking with. I'm going to be living at home for a year, and I've come to the conclusion that if I can't present the way I need to and continue to feel as closeted as I do, I won't be able to do it. So I have to come out to her as transgender and therefore queer (as I'm FTM and have a boyfriend). I don't know how she's going to take it. The only experience I have with her around this stuff is coming out as bisexual to her and my father when I was a young teenager, and they laughed at me and told me there was no such thing, so I was either a lesbian or going through a phase. And they are the type of people who would support same-sex marriage but are uncomfortable in person around someone who they know is gay.
I already know how I'm going to approach her about this: I'm going to sit her down and have a serious talk. But I'm still floundering about what to say and how to say it, and I've promised myself that I'm going to do it this month or next.
But just today, my little sister let the bomb drop that my parents are thinking about separating. It was a big shock to me--my parents seem to be in a functional relationship, even if a little distant-- and she didn't exactly phrase it in a very tactful way. My mother is going through a lot of stress, and she generally seems discontent with her life right now. I asked her about what my sister said today, and she explained that they're going to try to work it out over the next year, but they definitely won't split until after my sister graduates from high school if they have to.
Now I just feel like I shouldn't bother her with my coming out. Like she's already unhappy and going through a lot, and this would place more stress on her and maybe even make her feel like she was losing me. I spoke with my boyfriend about this, and he told me that I was looking at my coming out as something solely negative, a burden, rather than something that would help us understand each other better and be happier. I know he's right, but I just can't throw off my self-hatred around being trans and feelings that I'm betraying or disappointing her somehow even if I think she'll eventually accept me after I come out.
Have any of you struggled with something similar? Did you come out or did you wait? Did things go okay?
