Well, my first week in France is coming to a close. I promised myself that I would use this time to find out if I really wanted to go through with a transition. I can now say with a resolve I've never had before that I do. When I get back to the States, I will search for a gender clinic, and if there is nothing nearby, I will go to my physician. He's very empathetic, and although I can't say for sure what his views on transitioning are, I trust him enough to at least ask. I've been told I have a very feminine face, so my big barrier is weight (I way around 200 at 5'10"), but the healthier diet in France, the mountain air, and all the walking I'm doing is really helping. I hope to be down to 180 by the time I go home.
Basically I looked at how I was going back and forth, and saw that when I went against transitioning, it was out of fear. Fear of not passing, fear of telling others. Fear is no way to decide on life choices, I decided, and I am commited to transitioning.
