School - it sucks!

[harlee]

I go to a private Christian school in Australia, and this private Christian school in Australia just happens to have a uniform policy. Which means, girls wear skirts, while boys wear shorts  I unfortunately go to school as a girl, actually tie my hair up too, and am referred to as my birth name It makes school pretty much feel like hell. I dont have any close friends there either, and no one in my class knows about my "gender problem", I really dont plan on telling anyone until I finish school either  which is in another year and a half - thank god I was put up and can finish a year early!

Anyway, every day gets worse! I cant think straight and feel completely trapped. I look forward to coming home each afternoon, but as soon as I do, I cant help but think about how tomorrow is gonna start and end in the same way  It makes me feel sick in the stomach and Im constantly stressed over nothing.  When I saw my psychologist for the first time a month ago, he mentioned school and asked if moving to a bigger school would scare me.

I just feel like giving up! Or dropping out or something! My mum and dad dont understand, and they wont move me to another school where I can start over. I dont think Id feel comfortable telling a school teacher how I felt either I wanna mention something to my psychologist next time I see him, which is in June. But I find it really hard to mention these things in person without completely crying. I really want to start testosterone and move to some other school as male. Do you reckon my psychologist would be able to arrange something like that? I dont have his email, so that sucks too! Just have to sit through the long wait 

[no_id]

Seems to me like your only options at the time are; 1. sit it out / 2. spill your guts.
I'm not sure how many more years you have to go before you finish HS, but I figure time will also have a great influence on your decision.

It's a pity your parents don't understand/ won't put you in another school for a fresh start.
I'd say; do talk to your therapist. There's really nothing wrong with crying. Heck, professionals are used to it and furthermore it would be a lot more worrying if the situation didn't get to you. Good luck.

[Devin87]

I know this doesn't really help you at this second, but it's important to remember that time has a way of passing by very quickly.  I know right now you feel like you're in an inescapable prison, but you'll be graduating before you know it.  Everyone feels like they can't be themselves and they're suffering through high school, but most people tend to miss it at least a little when it's over.  I think it's because they realize-- Work-- it sucks more!  But just remember that as trapped as you feel right now, time will pass.  Everyone wants to be where they want to go right away and unfortunately life doesn't work that way.  But if you keep in mind that this isn't permenant-- life will go on and things will change and you will get the chance to make them better, it makes it more bareable.  Talk to your therapist and see if he/she can come up with some ideas to help you-- even if it's just telling your headmaster you don't feel comfortable in a skirt (I know over here it's a law that schools can't make girls wear skirts-- they need to at least have the opinion of wearing pants).  Just remember-- this too shall pass.

[justmeinoz]

As no_id said, don't be afraid to burst into tears in front of your therapist.  They are used to it, and will probably see it as a good sign.  You aren't going to tell them anything horrible, so try and tell them everything you can.  The more they know, the more they can help.

School is over fairly soon, and you can move on in life, and probably won't see 90% of the other students who might have given you a hard time much afterward either.

The end of next year will be here before you know it.  Hang in there.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

Well, I dropped out of school when I was 16 to transition. I'm almost 20 now. It took a giant weight off my shoulders, cause I could finally be me. I'm getting my GED soon. I think that if you explained it to your parents and if they understood enough, they might be willing to take you out of that school and start a different one, or maybe let you quit school and get your GED instead. Try making a deal with them on that. Holding it all inside made me suicidal, so I wouldn't recommend it.

[madzam]

You only live once....just say something. My new motto

[Arch]

Write a letter and take it to your therapist to read in your next session. That way, you can craft what you want to say, and you don't have to worry that your emotions will interfere with your getting your message across.

You have to figure out what is the optimal path for you. It's usually better to stay in school than to drop out, but you need to be able to function while you're there. If you feel that presenting as male at a new school will make your life much more bearable, you need to set that in motion now. But you can't make a fresh start without having an ally--your therapist, your parents. And if you can't tell your parents yet, telling your therapist is probably the best first step you can take.

Try to give yourself permission to cry in front of him if you need to. I know that's asking a lot, but it's better than holding it in or crying alone. Believe me, I know.

[fastknight]

Well, you could hide in the closet or talk to the therapist (I would recommend that either way). If I had to last another year and a half, I'd go psycho.

This semester (16 weeks), I opted to only come out to a few people in the "self-identity/mental health department" and it's like I'm in HEAVEN when I'm being treated as a male, while dressing in men's clothing. I think most of my fellow students think I'm some sort of shy, crossdressing lesbian. Starting this fall, I'm coming out to everyone. However, if I had to wear a skirt five days a week for the next year and a half, I'd come out.

I mean, what have you got to lose?

(Other than getting stabbed in the back or shot at, but I guess that's a risk we all take, in a way.) If you might drop out anyway, then grades should be okay, if you have no friends, then you're not going to lose any. I dunno about you, man, but I'd rather be perceived as a freak than a girl.

[Dante]

I've been in this situation (still am), but thank god my school doesn't have uniforms! Only thing I can say is try and build up the courage to talk to someone about it, and just keep trying! Never give up! Somehow you'll make it...

[accord03]

Look bro, don't let anybody bring you down right now. This time for you is very crucial. You must do well in school, focus and graduate with good grades. I know it's hard being in that uniform etc. Been there. I'm in AUS too and went to a private school but don't let anything bring you down right now, ok? You DON'T need friends or anything right now but get your head down. After all this, you can focus on starting T and stuff. You have a whole life ahead of you and it'll be better if you can get a good job after graduating that way you don't need to depend on anyone for money and etc.

One life man. Make the most of it and never be sad even for a second cause that second, you won't ever get it back. 

[tekla]

Living well is the best revenge.  Since your pretty much powerless to do much about it until you reach the age of majority, just study, study, study.  There are very few resources for poor guys.  You need that education if you ever want to do anything more than couch surf and live off of other people's spare change.  I'm not sure about there, but I don't know of anyplace here that would even hire you as a janitor to clean out dirty toilets without a HS degree or some equivalent, and at that, they'll take the grad over the GED every time, particularly if you are male.

[Jeatyn]

been there my friend, catholic school sucks the big one. I blatantly refused to follow the uniform rules and generally was a pain in the ass during bible studies and whatnot...I got kicked out and moved to a regular school eventually. Which wasn't really much better, but at least I could wear pants This was only primary school though.

I kicked up a big fuss about P.E in the new school(s) as well so I didn't have to wear the stupid skirts and gym knickers and ended up in the boys P.E classes.

I wouldn't exactly recommend this path, if you can at all get through the last bit of HS without losing your mind and just get the grades and get the hell out that would probably be a better option.

[Arch]

Yeah, as others have said, you have to finish high school somehow. Even if you manage to make some arrangement to enroll as a guy at a new school, you have to get through some schooling while you set that up--and you have to deal with whatever crap is entailed in getting through life in the new school. If you can, channel all of your frustrations into schoolwork. Every math problem is a punching bag, every essay is a TKO...something like that.

Good luck with your therapist. I hope he can help.

[justmeinoz]

Apart from saying that as a Catholic you are supposed to feel guilty, once you have your VCE you are out of there.
Until then you can perhaps just devote what little spare time you have to research on voice, appearance, movement etc , so that you have the foundation laid for transition, at little or no cost.

[insanitylives]

Can't you transfer to a public school for your last year?

But yes, school sucks. Or at least high school does.
University is better, or so I'm told.

[elvistears]

I went to an all-girls Catholic school in NZ.  It sucked bigtime, but sometimes you just gotta slog through it. My parents wouldn't send me to another school either.

A transguy friend of mine also went to an all-girls school. I don't know how it is for him, but it seems like it could get awkward.  Esp cos this city is so small that, "what school did you go to" is such a big deal.  I'm thinking I'll just fake it and say I did corrospondence at home which is half true.

[Radar]

University is better, or so I'm told.

Yes, it does. It's liberating. Not just for trans people but for everyone. However, if you party, party, party and don't study your time at university will be shorter than expected. I've also heard that the majority of people who flunk or drop out of university never go back.