Going to an appointment for HRT monday, but had a question.

[CrazyTina]

Hey everyone, Christina, was talking to someone this afternoon and she brought up a valid concern to me. If you want to read my full story here

I could possibly have a lower than average testosterone level. And I was told that there may be hope of not transitioning if I were to boost that level. But here is the problem I have with that... I HATE everything about being a guy. I have wished for the longest time that I had been born a girl. Those kind of feelings are not a result of low T, or am I wrong?

In fact, maybe the reason I am low T is because maybe I should have been born a girl, but I wasn't. Because my brain is telling me that I should have been.

I have not talked to a gender counselor yet, but I know one thing, my mind will not be swayed. I love dressing and acting like a girl because I can finally be who I see myself as.

What are your thoughts?

tl;dr
Even if I am low testosterone, if I feel how I do about my desire to be a girl, should I not chase that ambition?

[Katelyn-W]

I have not seen ANY proof that hormones can affect a persons gender identity after birth. Increasing your testosterone levels would not get rid of these feelings, it could actually just increase your feelings of gender dysphoria.

[CrazyTina]

I have not seen ANY proof that hormones can affect a persons gender identity after birth. Increasing your testosterone levels would not get rid of these feelings, it could actually just increase your feelings of gender dysphoria.

That is really quite good to know. I feel that I am becoming who I was meant to be. And I believe you are right, even if I am low T, and seek retribution with myself by taking male hormones, I will increase my dysphoria and hence develop more problematic psychological dilemmas.

I hope to be backed up on this assumption. But at this time I am sure that I am making the right call. To become what my heart tells me I am.

[Katelyn-W]

Here's a study that might interest you. It was based on the study of 42 individual brains (with different sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, and past or present hormonal status).

This part I took out is from the first paragraph:

The number of neurons in the BSTc of male-to-female transsexuals was similar to that of the females (P 5 0.83). In contrast, the neuron number of a female-to-male transsexual was found to be in the male range. Hormone treatment or sex hormone level variations in adulthood did not seem to have influenced BSTc neuron numbers.

On the 7th page:

In conclusion, estrogen treatment, orchiectomy, CPA treatment, or hormonal changes in adulthood did not show any clear relationship with the BSTc SOM neuron number. In addition, we had the unique opportunity to study the brain of an 84-yr old man (S7) who also had very strong cross-gender identity feelings but was never orchiectomized, sex re-assigned, or treated with CPA or estrogens. Interestingly, this man had also a low BSTc SOM neuron number that was fully in the female range (see Fig. 1, S7). This case provides an additional argument against the view that orchiectomy, CPA, or adult estrogen treatment of the transsexuals would be responsible for the reduced somatostatinergic neuron numbers.

Male-to-Female Transsexuals Have Female Neuron Numbers in a Limbic Nucleus
http://jcem.endojournals.org/cgi/reprint/85/5/2034.pdf

[CrazyTina]

That is incredibly interesting! Thank you for showing me that, I am going to read the entire article now. Although I will never know for sure if my neurons are like that, I can guess they are, and that is further proof that male hormones will not solve my gender identity crisis.

I am looking forward to my doctor appointment. It is with my family doctor, so I do not know what to expect yet. I am guessing I will be referred and have to make another appointment. Jumping through hoops is not fun *pout* :<