If I'm not me...then who am I?

[Pete]

I was just showering...I hate shaving my legs and armpits...it takes way too long.  Anyways, I met an FTM two nights ago and I have been thinking about him non-stop.  Not in any sexual way...but more with envy.  I felt like...he knows who he is.  Well back to the shower...it hit me...like a ton of bricks...I too am transgenered.  I hate my body...the female parts (but I love those parts on my girlfriend)...just don't like em on me.  When I look into the mirror I have always seen me...but to me...I see a male.  I have always (I mean always) fantisified about being a guy.  When I was like five years old...I use to shove socks down the front of my pants, and I use to "fake" shave my face.  I cried at this realization about 45 minutes ago, I cried like that once before:  when I realized I liked women (I was about 11-years old). 

I have been flirting with this idea for about 10-years now (I'm 34 as of this date).  My previous partner helped me to see and find my true self.  I told my recent partner (happily 2-yrs together) when we first got together that I believed that I was transgenered.  She said that she supports me and only wants me to be happy.  I have been expressing myself as a man (in the form of drag) for the past 8-years or so.  I've won titles and feel the most comfortable in my skin when I am in drag.  My gf loves both sides of me.  I am starting not to worry so much about how my family will react (I know that I will lose some of those ties).  Instead I am worried about how my gf will react once I tell her that I want to start T.  Any advice for me is greately wanted.

[Arch]

Hi, Pete, and welcome. How much research have you done? Most of us go into counseling before we take any steps toward physical transition. Some therapists specialize in gender issues, but you can conceivably talk to someone who doesn't.

If there is an LGBT center in your neck of the woods, that's one place to start. Susan's Place has lots of informative threads on the forums, as well as resource pages on all sorts of trans topics. Try the Reference Library and Wiki, to start. And Google is a great tool.

Uh, no pun intended...

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Pete,

Welcome to our little family. Over 4800 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  

Hugs and Love,
Janet

[Inphyy]

Keep being you that's the only person you can be!

It's grand to have another family member, don't be a stranger! =]

[justmeinoz]

Welcome aboard.
I have come to the conclusion that in many ways Transition is a bit like painting a picture.  Lots of small brush strokes, and  careful thought before each one.
Pity we can't just swap bits, but medical technology hasn't gone that far yet, so we have to learn patience.

[Cindy]

Hi Pete and welcome,

Sounds to me that you are finding the person who has been you for quite a while. It keeps amazing me how so many of our stories/trials/lives are so alike. Just proves it is all true.

Hugs New Brother

Cindy

[Max1978]

Hey Pete,

I totally recognize myself in your story (all the way down to the early adolescence gay realization, right thru to the former gf opening your eyes part...weird!!!!).
I just realized y-day what a lucky person I am that my gf is 100% behind me whatever I choose to do with my gender confusion. I can imagine not all partners would react that way..

Just curious to know... Did you have this little moment somewhere during the epiphany-shower-episode where you went 'oh ->-bleeped-<-, not a n o t h er coming out...!?!'
Well I did, but then I realized the first one didn't end in total ruin, so I guess we'll live thru this one as well..

Any way, just wanted to say hi and welcome. If you wanna talk some more, I'm on here somewhere some of the time, so feel free to contact me.

Max

[cynthialee]

Hey Pete, cool name. (was my old guy name lol)
Welcome aboard. This is a great site. You will find alot of FTM peers to compare notes with around here.
Jump right in and join the discussions.

[Lacey Lynne]

Hey, Pete!  We totally welcome you here at Susan's Place! 

Express yourself like you're already doing:  We'll listen ... never judge you ... always encourage you. 

Sounds like you're a very together guy!  Age 34 really is a great time to truly face your issues.  Also, sounds like your gf is really a very cool lady.  You're lucky to find her.  She'll probably be cool with whatever you decide to do. 

Everybody's advice to you is really good here.  Want to truly transiton and start on T?  Really, it would be a good idea to find a gender counselor and make your transition with good help and guidance. 

You've got friends here, man ... Welcome!

   Lacey Lynne