My Story; how I feel

[Axelfan]

Well I've been a lurker on here for a while, and I finally got the courage and sense to post so I could get your advice.

Well, ever since I can remember, I always had girl friends, and played with them, most of the time doing girly games and stuff. Heck, my mum has a picture of me pushing a pram at 4. Anyway....

When I was about 14 I went through a phase of trying on my sister's and mum's clothes, and I felt comfortable. Relaxed. I felt like I wanted to be a girl. I thought it would have suited me better. But then, I grew out of it, or so I thought.

The past few months, I've been depressed, sometimes suicidal, at how rubbish my life is. My family is going through tough times, and so am I. At first I put it down to school, and how tough it was, and how annoying my friends are, but then it hit me the other day. At school, whenever I look at the girls, I don't think I want be their boyfriend, I admire them in another way. I sit there thinking 'I want to be them', have a figure like them, do girly stuff. I sit and look at my penis wishing it just would go away. I feel like a girl. Sometimes I have to curb mannerisms I feel like I should do naturally. And I've always sat to pee for as long as I can remember.

Right now my parents are out, and I'm sat in my sister's clothes, and oncemore I feel relaxed. At home.

I just don't know what to do though. I have a girlfriend, and I haven't gone off the idea of being attracted to women, I just feel like I should be one. I want to be pretty and able to express myself more freely.

What do you lovely people think? Am I transsexual? 

Edit ~ Kate

[HelenW]

Welcome, Axelfan,

While you certainly describe things that I and many others have written about themselves in these forums only you, with the assistance of an experienced gender therapist, can make the decision of who and what you are.  Certainly, being attracted to girls does not disqualify a person from being female.

It sounds as if you are still a minor so your parents will have to be informed and be supportive for you to pursue this with an eye towards therapy.  It's unfortunate that another hurdle is placed in your path but it's not an insurmountable one.  Let at least one parent know and ask them to help you pursue therapy.  I think that this would be the best way to get some real answers about yourself.

In the meantime, please use Susan's as a resource for facts and support.  The WIKI and links pages can provide a great deal of information and other avenues of knowledge and the forums are a wonderful way to get to know people who have similar feelings and issues and how they deal with them.  A visit to Susan's Chat will put you in real time contact with many people that post on the forums as well as others who use chat exclusively.

I'm happy you found us and I hope to get to know you better in the future, Axelfan.

again, WELCOME ! !
helen

[KarenLyn]

Welcome to Susan's!  There are lots of wonderful people and an enormous amount of information to be found here. I hope we can help you with your questions. The only advice I can give you right now is you are the one who must decide if you're transsexual. You can talk to a therapist and others but in the end you have to make the big decision yourself.

Karen Lyn      

[katia]

What do you lovely people think? Am I transsexual? 

Edit ~ Kate

You could be transexual, yet you could also be a lot of other things.  find a therapist and go from there.

[Julie Marie]

Axelfan,

Welcome to Susan's!  You'll find a lot of people here just like you.

Are you transsexual?  No one here can answer that for you.  You need to do that yourself and if you need professional help trying to answer that, go get it.

It took me a long time to admit I needed to transition and looking back, I'm glad I didn't rush into it.  Be patient.  Educate yourself.  The Wiki here is a great place to start.  Read the experiences of others too.  All of this can help you answer that question.  And a gender experienced therapist can can be invaluable.

If you are living at home and a minor, consider talking to your parents.  You know them best and know how they will most likely handle this.  Just remember, odds are they will need an education too.  The more they know the better the chances they will accept and help.

Wishing you the best,
Julie

[Thundra]

What do you lovely people think? Am I transsexual? 

LOL!  Well, that is only self-diagnosed "malady" in the medical system,
so you need to tell everyone here whether you are or not?

Your therapist is only there to help you figure it out.

[Ms Bev]

I don't know, lovely person.  Are you......??
This is something you have to examine carefully deep inside yourself, perhaps with a gender therapist as guide.  I certainly look female, after 2+ years of hrt, and think female.  I sleep and dream female.  Are you..??  I say I am, so then my therapist has her diagnosis.

Bev