Being trans and going to pride

[Nygeel]

Hello there, folks. I've been having a bit of a conflict within myself trying to figure out what to do about pride. I've been going to the local LGBT pride parade for the past 6 years or so. Last year there was a bit of a conflict with a certain group of people because they insisted on calling me "she" even after correcting them a few times. I ignored it but I didn't really feel comfortable.

Now, I'm not sure if I want to go this year because of what happened last year and some of the issues being seen as a masculine lesbian woman as opposed to a heteroflexible trans guy.

Have any of you been to pride and have awkwardness for being trans? What would you do in this situation?

[tekla]

SF has a separate - but equal - trans rally and march two days before the main parade, and then a huge trans contingent in the actual parade.

[Crow]

I've never really been to pride, unless you count popping in for an hour last summer (but I didn't stay long, because I was with my mom, who got bored-- go figure), and at the time I was really juuuust starting to figure out the gender thing, so I wasn't openly identifying myself as trans, yet.

However, I have noticed similar issues within my college's LGBT group. Which is... more of a G group than an LGBT group. Anyone who is anything besides a gay cisman is subject to being teased and/or ignored. However, I'm pretty sure my college's LGBT group is uniquely obnoxious and not representative of the LGBT community as a whole?

[Kristyn]

Have any of you been to pride and have awkwardness for being trans? What would you do in this situation?

Sure have.  What did I do?  I stopped going.  I really don't believe in cliques and that is exactly what LGBT is--cliques.  Each group is out there for themselves and aren't really too concerned about the real issues involving the community as a whole.  Being trans, I think we will always be relegated to riding the back of the bus.  In my opinion, separating the LGB&T is like separating the races--it makes no sense what so ever and amounts to nothing more than classism.  After all, we are all in this soup together and many people outside the community hold biases against each group.  We certainly don't need to be doing that within our own community(s)

[Calistine]

I was thinking about marching and now I can't. And that's why. I felt really alone in my schools gsa. They were all talking about how hard it is to be gay and Im all...what about me?
And them insisting on calling you a she is downright unnacceptable. The t in LGBT stands for transgender, not treat transgenders like crap.

[Kristyn]

I was thinking about marching and now I can't. And that's why. I felt really alone in my schools gsa. They were all talking about how hard it is to be gay and Im all...what about me?
And them insisting on calling you a she is downright unnacceptable. The t in LGBT stands for transgender, not treat transgenders like crap.

I really can't understand the difficulty in being gay--really, I can't!  They're covered under almost every human right and they are excepted by far more people than we are.  As a matter of fact, it's kind of hip to be gay, no?  I mean, I hear of so many straight people talking about their cool gay/les friend(s).  There's tv shows which revolve around homosexuality.  It's everywhere.  It's ok.  It's tolerated and excepted.  No difficulties here, absolutely none!  You don't hear of a near 50% suicide rate with gays and lesbians.

[kyle_lawrence]

I really can't understand the difficulty in being gay--really, I can't! 

I can't either.  Maybe because I thought I was a lesbian for a couple years, and came out to everyone, and had a girlfriend while i was living as a girl, and it wasn't a big deal.  My guy friends thought it was hot, my girl friends where like "cool! boys suck anyway." No big deal.  Being a lesbian was easy.  Being trans and comming out is way harder, especially now that i have to explain that im not actually a lesbian. 

topic... pride..

I've gone a few times, and it was alright.  It was kind of fun to be hit on by EVERYONE last year.   I went last year with a group of gay guys, and there was to much drunken drama at first. Then i ran into a different group of people, found out where the trans party was, and had an awesome time.  If you go, see if theres a trans focused after  party anywhere, or one that specifically mentions something other than gay or lesbian.

[Miniar]

I really can't understand the difficulty in being gay--really, I can't!  They're covered under almost every human right and they are excepted by far more people than we are.  As a matter of fact, it's kind of hip to be gay, no?  I mean, I hear of so many straight people talking about their cool gay/les friend(s).  There's tv shows which revolve around homosexuality.  It's everywhere.  It's ok.  It's tolerated and excepted.  No difficulties here, absolutely none!  You don't hear of a near 50% suicide rate with gays and lesbians.

They don't have fully equal rights yet, and they don't even have half-human-rights in some other countries.
People are still put into "straightening therapy" of various kinds in western countries.
Being tolerated by "most" is not the same as being accepted.

Yes, in almost every country out there (though not completely all) the trans-folk got it even worse at the moment, but that doesn't mean they don't have problems to deal with.
Just cause person A has cancer, doesn't mean person B with a flu isn't sick at all.

They don't have an almost 50% suicide rate.... any more.... in most places.

[glendagladwitch]

I remember seeing some "straight but not narrow" folks marching in the pride parade.  I don't see why being trans would stop a body from showing up and expressing support for GLBs.  I know there was some scuff up over ENDA that seems to be water under the bridge now, but IDK.  If you feel like you need to boycott it, or can't be sincere in your support, go to the mall instead.

[Kristyn]

I remember seeing some "straight but not narrow" folks marching in the pride parade.  I don't see why being trans would stop a body from showing up and expressing support for GLBs.  I know there was some scuff up over ENDA that seems to be water under the bridge now, but IDK.  If you feel like you need to boycott it, or can't be sincere in your support, go to the mall instead.

Why would a trans person go to a pride celebration to support GLB's?  Are we not part of that group?  Does the "T" not stand for Transgender?  Or maybe it stands for Together?  The point is we should all be in support of one another and I think many of the GLB's seem to have forgotten or have never realized what their predecessors once went through and came from.  It's comparatively easy to come out as being gay/les/bi today than it was in the seventies and even though the public has been aware of transsexuality and transsexuals for many decades, we are still one of the most marginalized groups.  Given that, one would think that the GLB's would be more understanding of our cause and, in my opinion I think they should, but that does not seem to be the case.  It seems to me that the more acceptance GLB's gain within straight society, the more they distance themselves from us.

[Inphyy]

I never been to pride nor have I been to any event, group, sit-down or counsel session with anyone.

I've been wanting to go to centers and such but all the nearest ones are in L.A. and that's still kind of far and my mom doesn't want to be inter-looped with anything LGBT.

[Jasmine.m]

Interesting that you bring this up... I go to the local LGBT center for a bi-weekly support group. They are generally very accepting and kind towards the few trans-peps that are there, however, I've posted before about how the group is quite a bit more LGB than T. I've never felt out of place or like I wasn't important or welcome.

I went to Pride a few years ago, but not as trans. It was a really fun time, but I never found any trans specific events or heard any mention of T (well, except for the drag show... that's another story though, right?).

Now, there's a pride parade coming up. I asked at Support if they'll be having any T stuff there, and was told *I* should come and represent. *sigh* not quite the answer I was looking for... I mean, *I'm* the one who needs support!! lol

[cynthialee]

My local LGBT provides my IRL trans suport group free space in their offices for our twice monthly meetings. When we formed our group the LGBT sent one of the board members of the local LGBT to offer us suport and a place to meet and an ear should we need anything.

The LGBT has been good to us around here. (Spokane, Washington)
Tommorow I will go to PRIDE and march. (well, get wheeled around in my chair) I would feel like an ass if I did not do it.

[tekla]

They don't have an almost 50% suicide rate.... any more

That's the key point I think, that whole 'any more' part'.  Because it was only a couple of decades ago - within most people's lives here - that it was true.  And still the suicide rate is higher than the norm (and I don't think that 1/2 of trans people commit suicide either).  So I think you have to look at what changed, who changed it, and how it was changed.  It didn't just 'happen' like some bible miracle.  It took a lot of work.  It took people who were willing to stand up publicly and be counted, people who were willing to give both time and money to support groups and organizations and candidates.

Rather than blame the LG movement for our troubles, why not do something yourself to change the reality?  Your local LG center will help a trans group with space, equipment and the like, but they are not doing to do it for you.  If trans persons are not represented in your parade as they are in mine, that's your fault for not organizing a group and building a float (ProTip, don't weld in a skirt unless its full length leather) and marching.

Last time I did trans-march back about two/three years ago when we rounded the corner on Market and headed into the Castro the bars emptied and all the guys were out cheering us.  I think a lot of this is in your heads, or because of what you read and not what you could know by being part of the community.

[M.Grimm]

Tekla is right. Remember that once upon a time, being gay was illegal in some places. Considered a mental illness that could be cured. There are still backwards thinking people who feel it's perfectly fine to oppress homosexuals, but these days there is a lot of support for homosexuals as well. Part of what changed hearts and minds was showing that GLB folks were people, maybe even people that bigoted straights already knew or were related to.

Trans folk are still lagging behind here, but social changes take time and effort. I do go to Pride and I hang out with other gay males, because that is what I am. Some of them have never met a gay transman before. And yes, I have run into gay men who initially reacted with a hostile attitude due to my trans-nature. The best I can do is to be friendly, open and comport myself with dignity and intelligence, and behave as if I deserve respect because I DO deserve respect. Some of these initially hostile men have become friends and allies, because they now see that I'm a real person.

In many ways, we are our own ambassadors. There is no way to change minds about us if those minds never have to meet us. As long as they do not meet us, we remain shallow stereotypical ideas, and no one needs to consider the feelings of mere ideas.

[tekla]

Heavy on the effort, lots of it, sustained, dedicated, and motivated.  If you are not willing to do it, you're really not worthy of having it.

[Kristyn]

In many ways, we are our own ambassadors. There is no way to change minds about us if those minds never have to meet us. As long as they do not meet us, we remain shallow stereotypical ideas, and no one needs to consider the feelings of mere ideas.

Meeting people is a two way street.  It doesn't help our cause much if the people you want to meet and befriend do not reciprocate.  That is how it is in my area, there is a lot of negativity toward the trans community here and just people in general.  Are you starting to understand why I want to move?

[Inphyy]

Meeting people is a two way street.  It doesn't help our cause much if the people you want to meet and befriend do not reciprocate.  That is how it is in my area, there is a lot of negativity toward the trans community here and just people in general.  Are you starting to understand why I want to move?

But sadly life doesn't all fall into the grazing hands of the one who wants respect sometimes the disrespected have to show the respected that they deserve such before the wanter gets what they truly wanted.

[katgirl74]

To say we have nothing to do with the LGB denies some of our identities. Yes I'm trans, but I am also a lesbian woman. So many of us are not straight when it comes to sexual orientation. I go to pride to celebrate the diversity of the LGBT community, which is pretty unified where I'm at. I also attend a lot of LGB(small t) events because I want the opportunity to meet other women.
   Just because there are a lot more LG people in the media does not mean life is easier for gay and lesbian people. Lesbian and gay people still have higher rates of suicide then the general population, in many areas of the country they are subject to just as severe and brutal discrimination as trans people,  life is not all roses for gay and lesbian people. I face discrimination on two fronts, being trans and being a lesbian.
   I, personally, enjoy pride. I was only able to stay for an hour or two this year because I had surgery three weeks prior, but it was nice to spend time with friends and meet new people.

[glendagladwitch]

Why would a trans person go to a pride celebration to support GLB's?  Are we not part of that group? 

Well, in most areas, and most controversially in Texas now, Pride is excluding anything that does not look normal and present that non-threatening, squeaky clean gay couple family image that is carefully calculated to appeal to straights. Anything transgender, genderqueer, or even HIV is getting the boot.  Here's an article on it.

http://www.dallasvoice.com/instant-tea/2010/06/03/dropping-a-queerbomb-on-austin-pride/

So the question is, do you go to Pride and support the sanitized GLB, or go the the alternative "Queerbomb" event that was created?  You decide.