Back, and still queer

[VeryGnawty]

After a long hiatus, I have decided to visit these forums again.  It seems I still have a need for this community.  For a long time, I thought I was fine.  I thought I had settled my issues with gender.

But a new social circle has made me realize that this is not the case.  I have merely been hiding my gender behind my asexuality.  But I cannot do this any longer.  I am tired of wearing a mask, especially one that I am unaware of.  I am tired of unconsciously destroying my own dreams.  I want to be free.  I want to love myself.

I hereby re-dedicate myself to becoming who I am.  I refuse to have an urge to die, as long as I have life left in me.

Let's start some discussion.

[beth]

              Welcome back Very Gnawty





beth

[Steph]

It's great to see you back, I hope that things haven't changed that much since you were here last but I don't think they have.

Steph

[Kendall]

Hi welcome back.

I like your re-dedication spirit. Its refreshing and good to hear. You sound like your headed in the right direction and I look forward to reading your posts.

Feel free to start some new discussions or revisit the old ones.

Welcome again,

[TheBattler]

Hi - Welcome Back,

Yeap - would love my gender issues to go away - I am now a bit scared to try and hid them due to my breakdown earlier this year. So I can understand why sometimes we need to re-dedicate oursevles to finding that happy medium where we all wish to live.

Alice

[VeryGnawty]

would love my gender issues to go away

I think I've finally found the strength to accept that they won't.

There is something in this life that I need to do.  I've known about it for years.  I need to put everything I have into making a new me.  I will never be complete without trying.

[TheBattler]

would love my gender issues to go away

I think I've finally found the strength to accept that they won't.

There is something in this life that I need to do.  I've known about it for years.  I need to put everything I have into making a new me.  I will never be complete without trying.

Yep - I know mine are not going away - we can always wish though  - I wonder if Santa or a genie is listening. For now I am concentrating on being happy with who I am and taking some time to inderstand as mush as possible about myself.

Alice

[VeryGnawty]

I wonder if Santa or a genie is listening.

Unlikely.  I think I'll rely on my own research, before hunting for a genie.

For now I am concentrating on being happy with who I am and taking some time to inderstand as mush as possible about myself.

Good idea.  I've had to rethink a lot about myself lately.  I simply had the wrong mindset.  I've been trying to fix this "obsession" that I've had with my gender, both psychological and biological.  But I finally came to the realization that it isn't an obsession.  It is something more.  It is something...divine.

I don't presume to know how or why I am on this course.  But it is my path.  And for better or for worse, I choose this path.  I would rather die an androgyne than live as the person I have been over the last six months.

But I don't regret a thing.  Everything I have done, I have done out of a desire to better myself.  I have gained strength.  I have gained knowledge.  I had an opportunity four years ago to change who I was.  But I was not ready.  I still lived in fear and doubt.  I was weak.

Now, I think I have the strength to be the person I want to be.  I have a lot of life left in me, and I refuse to live it for anyone other than myself.  But this is only the beginning.  I have only begun to unravel the person who is VeryGnawty.  I am still amazed at what I have learned over the past four years.  In time, I know that I can become even greater than my greatest dreams, if I but try.