Feeling down

[rylielove]

Well I'm 25 and still a crappy boy... I had a Dr visit last week for hormones and my follow up appt. next weds in which case I may have a prescription!  This is all fine and dandy but I still can't find comfort and relax

I'm not sure if some profiles on myspace and such are fake but I've run into and started talking to some girls around my age who have already transitioned and it seems like they started before puberty!  I feel so bad about myself lying to everyone I know about being transgender... I mean if I would of had the guts, confidence, and knowledge that I could of transitioned when I was 13 or so I would have never had to be a boy... As much as I have enjoyed life... Right now starting transition Im really starting to hate myself again

This also comes at a time in which I'm traveling home the day after I could possibly get a rx for hormones and in which case I need to be confident in my identity and come out to my family and friends and let them know I'm transitioning... Plus I really want to store sperm before hormones but really don't know if I can wait... I feel so depressed having to be a boy still... Arregggg

[K8]

Be patient.  I know that it is hard, but we start when we are ready.  Don't compare yourself to others.  Sure there are some who started earlier but many started later.

The beginning is the hardest part.  You are finally ready and want it all right now, but it is a long journey better taken a step at a time.  It's good that you may start hormones soon.

How are you going to come out to your family?  How do you think they will take it?  How important are they to how you live?  Before I came out I thought hard about how I would do it and how I would give others a chance to react as they wanted.  There are lots of threads here on Susan's about coming out.

We all want our fairy godmother to show up, bonk us on the head with her wand, and then we are Cinderella.  But in real life we work through it gradually, giving ourselves and others a chance to adjust to this new person - this finally real person.

Chin up.  It gets easier, but there's a lot of work to do between where you are and where you want to get.

- Kate

[rylielove]

I'm gonna tell my sister tonight on the phone... I really want to tell her in person but I need her to know how scared I am to come home.  I'm scared that for some reason I'll come out and then realize I'm not trans, but even in that case I need not be embarassed right? It's either come out an embrace the forthcoming changes or come out, be ok that I've had these feeling and be open about it and somehow realize I don't need to transition...  Either way both cases involve me telling my sister and being open about my feelings.

[Nigella]

I'm gonna tell my sister tonight on the phone... I really want to tell her in person but I need her to know how scared I am to come home.  I'm scared that for some reason I'll come out and then realize I'm not trans, but even in that case I need not be embarassed right? It's either come out an embrace the forthcoming changes or come out, be ok that I've had these feeling and be open about it and somehow realize I don't need to transition...  Either way both cases involve me telling my sister and being open about my feelings.

Hi there,

Having someone in the family to confide in is great assuming they will be receptive to you thinking about transition. I was fortunate that my parents were/have/continue to be great. Also exploring your feelings with a counsellor that is qualified in transgender issues is a good start. So exploring your feelings is a wise move. About your age, we transition when we can, I was 49, so I wish it could have been earlier but I had no idea of why I felt the way I did. If you plan on having genetic children then yes storing your sperm is a good idea for as you know its not just surgery that makes you unable to reproduce its the HRT too and that can become irreversible as well.

Stardust

[rylielove]

im very aware of HRT and being sterile...  it bugs me because i think im going to have the prescription for hormones before i get an appt. to store my sperm and it will be hard to wait to take hormones until i have my "boys" backed up.  i deal with lots of anxiety and i feel hormones are really going to make me feel better

im sitting here waiting for my sister to call... im excited but soooo nervous at the same time...

[K8]

Don't worry about coming out as trans and then deciding not to transition.  You can come out as transgender, or as gender confused, or as just having gender issues.  You don't need to come out and say you're going to get surgery to become anatomically female.  (In fact, it's best to leave specifics out of it for now.)  Just tell your sister and others what your issues are as you understand them now.

Good luck.

- Kate