Hey, everyone. I haven't been on Susans in a long time for personal reasons, but I'm having a crisis and I've nowhere else to turn. I had to come back here because this is the only place where someone might understand.
I used to identify as a transsexual male, but have since become comfortable in my mind as an androgyne. I live in the role of my birth sex and it's been easier the longer I've done so. I've taken a lover who's helped me become much more comfortable with my body and my role in society, to which I have consciously chosen to conform. However, there are still some things I have trouble with.
I've got an appointment set to have a pelvic exam tomorrow and since making the decision to go through with it in order to have the doctor write me a prescription for BC pills (which have helped with the dysphoria immensely), I've been having extreme bouts of anxiety. Now, on the eve of said appointment. I am having an extreme panic attack. My family believes this trans "phase" has passed, and there is no way they can understand about this. I can't stop crying, I can't breathe, and the thought of willingly submitting myself to such torture is making me have self-destructive and suicidal thoughts. The doctor won't write me a prescription without the exam, though, and the BC pills are integral to my survival (as I would become suicidal every month before I began taking them).
Please someone tell me something that will help me get through this. I have no one in real life who I can talk to about this. Please help.