Okay, some of the people who frequent #chat are familiar with the situation of my previous relationship, which ended. For those of you not active in #chat or who never see me active there due to when I'm active, here's a quick rundown.
My girlfriend was living in the same area as I, Southern Oregon. We were together for about 4 months, and then in early summer, decided to return home to live with her parents and little brother. She's 21. She was going to school here, but dropped out because she was becoming increasingly emotional. specifically, depressed.
Her little brother wound up in the hospital, in a psyche unit. About a month after that, a family friend and her little brother (the friend and her brother were living together, as her brother is going through something horrible, caused by their mother) were spending time with her, and realized that she was... Well, not doing well. They took her to the hospital, and she was admitted to the psyche unit.
Two friends and I drove the 400 miles from Southern Oregon to Vancouver, WA, and visited her. She was a complete mess. she was released after a week, and started a 2 week outpatient program at the hospital. 2 weeks into the program, she started getting worse, they asked her to attend an extra week. she wsa planning on coming back to live with me and the two friends that I mentioned after her outpatient program ended.
2 days after they asked her to spend an extra week in the program, she got suicidal. She had been diagnosed with PTSD. she started having flashbacks, and wound up in the hospital again. While she was in the ER holding room, she tried to kill herself. She then spent another week in another psyche unit, in Salem. She was diagnosed the day before she went to the ER the second time as having Disossocitive Identity Disorder.
After being released, she was okay for about 4 days, then took a fatal amount of tylenol and alcohol. she lived, after going ot the ER. She spent another week in the psyche unit, and was discharged.
Somewhere between her first and second visit to the psyche units, we were talking, and i had done some research. She had told me she would have to remain in vancouver for 6 months to a year for treatment. I went online, and found that the recovery time for her would be 3 + years, most probably more than 5 years.
Her mother abused her as a child, which is what damaged her personality. she immediatly moved out, and in with her brother and family friend, and all three are living in Vancouver, her parents living in Portland area.
A few days after doing research on DID, I started to break down. She didn't want me to get an apartment for the two of us locally, because she wouldn't be moving here for 5+ years. She didn't want me to move up to Vancouver, for her own reasons. She needs space from me, or she will associate me with some of her flashbacks, and that wouldn't be good for either of us.
It's been a few weeks since she was in the hospital last. I don't know what to do, I can't stop thinking about her. I feel helpless, all I can do is talk to her on the phone.
we've talked about meeting, going on a short vacation together, or completely cutting eachother off. I don't know what would be beneficial for her. That's the forefront of my mind. She's trying to get me to move out of state, to live with a friend in Minnesota, where there are actual support groups for TS people. She was all I had, my future. She was stable, supportive, and mostly happy before she went back to Portland.
On top of this, some of my problems are coming more and more into the light. She is the one who initiated our relationship, not me. I didn't actually want to be her girlfriend, I didn't want to be anything more than friends. But, it felt good to have someone who cared about me, who wasn't as repulsed by my body as I am. I always felt that was a mistake. Now, I've talked to her about this a little, and I realized that I really don't want another relationship. Any relationship I'm involved in will turn out to be a huge mess, and a painful parting for me, her, or both of us. I want to remain my ex girlfriend's friend as long as I can, to do anything to help, but there's really not much I can do. She's going to live in Vancouver long term, and she stated she doesn't want me to live there just to be close to her.
Does anyone know if it would help us, as friends, to have contact from time to time, or to just cut eachother off for a while? There are benefits and downsides to both, risks and possible gains. What should I do?
