Moving On...

[Julie Marie]

Every forum, every group I've been involved with has seen members come and go. There are a lot of reasons, but for this thread I'd like to focus on those who move on because of their transition.

When I fully transitioned I read a few comments to the effect that it was almost inevitable I would be leaving Susans and moving on into my new life. It's not an uncommon occurrence. And I can understand the reasons why - for many, Susans is just a stop along the path of life, kind of like school, a place to learn, meet others, gain confidence and develop the skills to survive and hopefully thrive in that great big world.

My first forum experience was on a crossdresser forum. That's where I believed I belonged. But it wasn't long before I knew there was more to me than just crossdressing. So I looked for something better. By the time I got here I knew I was TS and there was a lot of others like me here and I learned a lot from them. Many are gone today. Life got in the way, I guess.

And your priorities change as you "mature" in your new life. I went from spending a lot of time "dressing up" and taking pics (that I often posted on the forums) to focusing on civil rights and becoming an activist, of sorts. Looking feminine has been replaced with wanting to make this world a better place for people who are "different".

What I was wondering is, how many here have made a similar transition? How many have changed their priorities? How many are on the verge of moving on?

I kind of see it from the perspective of "What positive effect do I have here?" If I feel that has waned, then is it time to move on?   

[K8]

Julie Marie, I agree with you.  I've thought about moving on.  This forum and the people here have been a huge help to me through my transition, but as my transition is pretty much over the forum is becoming less important to me.  I expect to continue to participate, but I don't expect to spend so much of my time here as I had been.

I will always be transsexual just as I will always be my daughter's father.  But just as my daughter and I think of me less and less as her father and more as the woman who used to be her father, I am beginning to think of myself less as a transsexual and more as just an ordinary woman.

As I settle into my new life as a woman my issues are changing.  I am glad to offer help to others on the same path, but much of what worked for me won't work for them because their situations are different and the way they approach life is different.  And sometimes when I read the posts, I feel very old.  Can I really offer help, or am I just some old woman who doesn't understand how the world is now?  I just don't know that I can have a positive influence.

- Kate

[myles]

In the same place. I do still come on and see how things are going but definitely not as much as before. At this point I am just living life and moving forward. For me part of it is since most people who have transitioned have left it is harder to find people who can give me a perspective on where I am at this point in my transition. I do come on and answer some of the newer guys questions occasionally but there is a new wave a year behind me who seem to be stepping up.
Cheers,
Myles

[jainie marlena]

don't walk away yet I just got here. how do you put a picture on this thing?

[LordKAT]

I don't want to lose any of you whom I have gotten to know and love through this forum and some shared anxieties. I understand if you must and I understand not spending as much time, but please don't desert us.

Laineyjain, Read the info on post ranks, It will tell you you need 15 good posts to gain more privileges.

[ativan]

There are times in my life when I felt stunned. The realization that everything has just changed. Some things not a lot and others completely. Maybe to the point of not existing anymore. The empty feeling of 'get out of here, its time to go' kind of thing. So I would. No lingering. Life goes on.
There are times in my life when I felt things should be different and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I felt like I should leave. When I did that, it didn't always work out. I found out there were things I could do. If I walked away anyways, I have always had regrets.
Sometimes I wonder about what would have happened in both cases had I stayed. But I know I would just wind up wondering what would have happened had I left.
Your heart, your instinct, is usually the best guide when most things are considered up front.
Advice mainly comes from the heart regardless of how smart you think it is. When your advice is taken as from the heart it doesn't really matter how smart it is. If people need information, they can at the very least google it. When advice is asked for, they are looking for someones life experience to help them.
The people who have been here the longest have the best advice by virtue.
It's a matter of how important that is to you. Those who move on are missed for who they are and what they know.

[Chrissty]

u

Every forum, every group I've been involved with has seen members come and go. There are a lot of reasons, but for this thread I'd like to focus on those who move on because of their transition.

When I fully transitioned I read a few comments to the effect that it was almost inevitable I would be leaving Susan's and moving on into my new life. It's not an uncommon occurrence. And I can understand the reasons why - for many, Susans is just a stop along the path of life, kind of like school, a place to learn, meet others, gain confidence and develop the skills to survive and hopefully thrive in that great big world.

I tend to see this as one of the reasons the "T" in LGBT will always be an afterthought. I mean, once you come out as Gay, then that remains part of you for the rest of your life, but being TS has a finite period for many of us as we move from one life to another. Hence, no matter what our true population is, like an iceberg, only the tip can be seen above the water of society (or the for that matter the LGBT community).

Having said that, I really appreciate those who want to stay to fight to improve understanding and rights for us, while also understanding the desire to simply disappear into society, at which time the constant reminder of the past from posting on a forum becomes an unwelcome chore.

Susan's has changed significantly in the 2 years I have been visiting, and like several others have commented recently, I really miss a lot of the people who were here shortly after I joined.... but then, I have come to understand more of how the dynamic forums change. Even without transition, I too find that there is more pain than positive effect by coming here at times, and subsequently I find myself posting and visiting less, with more time spent on pm's with friends than on open forum.

Keep up the good work girl..!



Chrissty

[Cindy]

Lots of interesting comments.

I came to Susan's lost and defeated in great personal and emotional pain. I was surprised by the level of common experience. To an extent that settled me, I already knew I wasn't a freak but it was still nice to meet non-freaks like me. I was so lonely. Suddenly there were people I could relate to.

Then I started to grow, seeing me; thanks to many of you. Started to form friendships, pming at first and now we call each other, if that is an option, but difficult for some. I have reached a point of understanding that I never had. I have 'come out' (don't like that expression BTW) in my personal and to an extent my professional life. I'm now on the conveyor belt, it doesn't matter how slow or how quick it runs; it reaches the destination.

I will hang around for a while more, but I also realise that Susan'e develops to the age of the people, and my views may be a bit antiquated for generation whatever exists now.

I'm really not sure how to say this; I appreciate all the love, care, help, advice, anti-suicide messages, laughs, hugs, spanks and friendship I have developed with all of you. The world would be a lot worse off without Susan's, and without the marvelous people who contribute.

I can honestly say you have all changed my life to the better.

Thank You
Love You

One day I would love to meet you

Cindy James
Adelaide
South Australia
Now on HRT
Now going openly in private life
No longer scared
No longer a victim

[spacial]

I confess, I sometimes feel guilty being here.

I came here, ostensibly, because I was offering some support to a young person wanting to transision. I wanted to understand the current sutuation.

I have never denied or forgotten my own past experiences and wants. But I did put them out of sight as I tried to get on with the life that I have.

But I have learnt so much more about this and about myself. I have learnt that many of the things I thought about, think about, dearly would (have) liked, these are not weird nor unusual. being a submissive partner, domestically and sexually, for example. Perhaps most disapointly, my perspective on my own body has changed. I think I looked pretty good in female clothes in my teens. I was certainly confident during that time. But recently I've looked more closely. I'm not flabby, (Yet), not very wrinkled, (Yet), but my body is so very masculine now. My calf muscles are very big. My hands are big, though my fingers are long.

But I'm not an island unto myself. I have built a life around others and just I would suffer if they were to suddenly shut the door on me, they too would. That isn't fair. I can't just walk away half way through a game, just because I've lost interest.

Like many others, I'm a member of a number of forums, though, recently, the number has shrunk. But this is really the only one where I am so completely open and where I really care about how others precieve me,

I have, several times, thought of backing away, walking away, canceling membership. If only because I'm a bit like the apple in a bowl of oranges.

Hope this makes some sense and that it is relevant.

[Sandy]

Much of my history is similar to Julie's.  I hung around the cross dressing forums thinking I was a cross dresser, but I really didn't quite fit in there.  Then I came to Susan's.  Actually at the urging of Julie herself.  Thanks Julie!

I found many people here who had so much in common to what I was going through.  Many of them transitioned and moved on, because their lives had changed.  And that is fine.  As I moved down my path on my journey I received so much help and love from the people here.

Along the way, I shared my trials and tribulations, my hopes and joys, and my successes and accomplishments.

I feel so indebted to those who helped and supported me, that I feel that I must pay it forward to those who are just starting or are having their own trials.  To be there for them if for no other reason but to show that there is life at the end.  A life of color and love that they perhaps cannot see.

Now my posts are a bit fewer and my posts are more about a woman in life rather than in transition.  I too have become an advocate for my new found community and I post about that too.

I too will stay.  I really have so many friends here, that I would miss them if I left.  I will stay as long as I feel I am able to help.  As long as I feel that I must pay it forward.

But that too is a form of moving on.  Our journey never really ends, it just keeps changing.

-Sandy

[Cindy]

Sorry if this sounds sexist

Have many of confirmed our femininity here? I am starting to feel Mum to  many of the youngies, and I don't mean that rudely.

Going to bed in warm jammies with Poo Bear on them. Sexy as hell

Hugs

Cindy feeling very female.

[Alice]

I have moved on a couple of times from these forums. Now I just pop in here occasionally to see how friends are going, I do not particiapate in the forums for any other reason.

Hope you are still well Julie.

Alice

[Julie Marie]

One of the things that has changed here for me is finding posts that fill the voids in my soul.  This thread is rich with them.

Myles, you said,

most people who have transitioned have left it is harder to find people who can give me a perspective on where I am at this point in my transition.

The image that came to my mind is that of a person who had graduated coming back to their Alma Mater and seeing a very different place than the one they left. The school hadn't changed, the person had.  I guess many of us move on because we no longer see this place the way we used to.

But as I imagined the Alumni, those who have moved on or about to, I pictured a reunion and a smile came to my face.  Instead of coming here being almost like a job, it would be fun, catching up on how everyone is doing, remembering old times and just enjoying ourselves.  That would be really nice.

And from this perspective, Susans really does become an educational institution. We arrive as children and leave as mature adults.  And the education is free, until that time comes you move on to teacher (if you want), but you still are learning.

I suppose I'll never completely walk away.  There's always something to learn, something to share, something to teach.  But the needs that I had several years ago are not there today.  They have been replaced with different needs, different wants.  The person who was crying to get out into the world is there now, the facade gone.  That part is fixed, now it's time to fix the world. 

It seems that's not uncommon, just part of life. And if we ever have that Alumni reunion, count me in!

[Janet_Girl]

Even though I am still per-op, I have thought about leaving, but my life right now is such that I have nothing better to do.  And I have way too many friends here.

One day it may come that I take my leave, but I keeping about the new ones who come here for help.  When I came here over two years ago, Susan's was my only life line.  And like a drowning person, I held on tight.  Now it has become home.   

[spacial]

Sorry if this sounds sexist

Have many of confirmed our femininity here? I am starting to feel Mum to  many of the youngies, and I don't mean that rudely.

Going to bed in warm jammies with Poo Bear on them. Sexy as hell

Hugs

Cindy feeling very female.

I play a couple of on-line games. Been doing so for several years now, to be honest.

I present as female, simply because I'm more comfortable doing that.

In one, especially, I'm a member of a group who tend to see me as a sort of mother type figure, or perhaps a big sister.

I recently found out about an argument that had blown up between two of the boys. Anyway, Everyone told me they hadn't said anything about it to protect me.

I was rather touched.

[gennee]

Julie, I just a part of life. There are forums that I don't visit as much as I used to. I still pop on them though. I've changed quite a bit in the past five years. There have been some constants also. There are people out there who need our help and advice. There are people who are still struggling with gender and sexual identity issues. There are people who I still learn new things from. My curiousity will never go away.

Moving on can be difficult but it may be necessary because there are more horizons on our trek. Change is something that I welcome from time to time. When someone finds inner peace and contentment, this is what makes me the happiest.

Gennee