Being on T w/o your name or gender legally changed.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

So, I've been on T for 39 days but have had alot of rapid changes. Fat redistribution, facial changes and the greatest thing of all...my voice is well within the normal male range now and still dropping. However...

My legal name and gender aren't changed. I'm getting the papers filled out for my gender change soon, but the name change is still not doable cause it costs money I don't have. When I have to present my ID at the bank or just today at a job interview...it brought back to mind how much it bothers me ever more when they use my legal name now cause to me since I'm passing more and even passing to myself, which is hard...that they shouldn't even mistake me as not male. It makes me want to lash out at them, or myself. I'm pretty angry right now cause I had to deal with my interviewer saying, "why don't you go by this name?" when he saw me ID. Well, duh....idiot. I don't look anything like that name. And I'm obviously male. And dressed in a SUIT.

Anyhow, enough anger. Do any of you find that since starting T and passing more with the changes from T, that it irritates you even more by people using your legal name (if it's not changed) and seeing your gender on your ID (if it's not changed)? How do you deal with it? Cause I'm at the point right now where I think if I get the job...and they use that name or make me use the wrong bathrooms, I'd rather walk out than put up with it. I'm a guy, ffs.

[Squirrel698]

I am finally seeing some changes from T and starting to pass more then I ever have before.  I recently applied for a small part time job which I have yet to hear back from.  While I put down my legal name, I explained my situation to the store manager.  She made a note on the application and didn't seem particularly affected by my coming out. 

I disliked having to do that but I feel if I politely demand respect people will give it.  If not then I have a reason to be more adamant about it.  I'm proud of what I'm doing and where I'm going.   

[alex408]

ugh I know the feeling.  I've been on T for 11 and I just changed mine two weeks ago. Really the only thing you can do is to hurry and change your name.  I found it to be completely humiliating so I stopped going to places and buying things that required an ID. 

[sneakersjay]

ugh I know the feeling.  I've been on T for 11 and I just changed mine two weeks ago. Really the only thing you can do is to hurry and change your name.  I found it to be completely humiliating so I stopped going to places and buying things that required an ID.

This.

I also had to delay my name change, because I had a conference and flight booked and could not change my ID or plane tickets without incurring fees, and there were hotel and conference fees, too where it would have been difficult to change my name on.  So I suffered.  I did apply for the name change before I left and it was final when I got back.

I would beg, borrow, or steal (well not literally steal) money to get the name change asap.  That limbo land thing sucks.

Jay

[Bones]

When getting a job, I would be upfront with the person or persons you're speaking with right from the get go. For a couple of reasons. So you know they are aware, so you know whether they're transfriendly, so there's no surprises in the long run...so many reasons. It's best to be up front. When I started my job, one of the first things I asked was...I am transgendered, would it be ok if I transitioned on the job. The woman smiled and me and said 'Absolutely!' She was very very nice about it, but she also warned me. 'Just be sure you're open to questions from your fellow employees.' I said that I was very open about it to people and that would be no problem at all. Will answer any questions that they may have. So far I've had a very positive experience. I think people treat you better and respect you better if you're just up front about it. And yes, they -are- going to ask you, Why aren't you using this name? As a human we are all curious. Just tell her, without anger. I am transgendered and this name does not represent me in the way that I see myself.

I also think I should add, that I work at a place that is GLBT friendly..I searched for places like that on purpose so I knew I wouldn't have as many issues.

[Carson]

I'm almost 6 months on T and I still haven't had my name changed and yes it really sucks.

Last summer I had trouble with airport security when going on vacation out of the country and I was pre-T, I leave again for the same place for vacation in 3 weeks and I can't wait to see how ridiculous it will be this time.

I've also had trouble using my debit card, people don't believe that it is mine.

The only solution is to get it changed asap.

[jmaxley]

The other day when I used my debit card, the cashier, who had called me sir, looked at the name on my debit card, then back at me, then studied the debit card some more.  She said, "I don't know if this will go through".  First time I've had that happen, most people don't even glance at the name on the card.  Can't get my name change done right now due to finances.  Also, not sure if I can get the name change/gender marker change done since I'm not on T yet.

[Lachlann]

I don't have my name or my gender marker changed yet.

Name hasn't been changed yet because no one's really calling me it enough irl for me to decide if it's really for me or not.

[Nygeel]

What I would do when applying for jobs is to write First name "Chosen name" Last name. If you have a resume make a little note of your preferred name and use only male pronouns in the resume.

[s1ncere]

Have you looked into applying for a court fee waiver? I changed my name for free because I got approved for one. The only thing I paid for is the newspaper publish. I live in CA.

[M.Grimm]

As s1ncere noted, you might be able to get a fee waiver, depending on where you are. It's extra red tape to go through but in some counties, the name-change costs a small fortune.

My name change was one of my very first steps because I was getting to the point where I could not bear to have anyone using my old name. Also, it takes so much time to do, not just the court stuff but getting your bank info and everything else changed. I had one account name change that required an actual notary to sign the form.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

It costs $167 here. Luckily, I just got a job today. I start Thursday. It doesn't pay a whole lot but I'll have enough to apply for my name change in one paycheck This job is working alone, cleaning a store...so YAY. The guy seemed to have no doubt in his mind that I was a normal guy. I'm just waiting for the background check to come back. I'm sure it's fine, but it's killing me waiting for it.
Post Merge: June 22, 2010, 10:01:07 AM
It costs $167 here. Luckily, I just got a job today. I start Thursday. It doesn't pay a whole lot but I'll have enough to apply for my name change in one paycheck This job is working alone, cleaning a store...so YAY. The guy seemed to have no doubt in his mind that I was a normal guy. I'm just waiting for the background check to come back. I'm sure it's fine, but it's killing me waiting for it.
Post Merge: June 22, 2010, 01:06:51 PM
In other news, you may want to search the unclaimed funds national database before you legally change your name. I just searched it for sh*ts and giggles and found that I have over $300 in unclaimed funds...well thanks, state of OH and past employers that I have unclaimed paychecks from...for paying for my name change

[Bones]

In other news, you may want to search the unclaimed funds national database before you legally change your name. I just searched it for sh*ts and giggles and found that I have over $300 in unclaimed funds...well thanks, state of OH and past employers that I have unclaimed paychecks from...for paying for my name change

That's interesting. Never thought of that. How do you do that?

[zombiesarepeaceful]

If you turn up on the search for unclaimed funds...the next step is to put down your name and address and stuff so the state can contact you. The next page gives you the option to print out the form to send to the state with the required ID and stuff needed to claim your funds...or to mail the forms to you. I'm not sure if we're allowed to post links but google MissingMoney

[Luc]

I've been on T for over 2 years, full-time for almost 4, and still haven't been able to change my gender or name on my driver's license. I do have an ID from California with the right name and gender, but anytime I have to use my driver's license, it's demoralizing. I should be able to change it on my license in Colorado, but due to the ineptitude of doctors, I can't get anyone to sign the required forms. It blows. And yes, I find that the longer I've been full-time and passing, the more it irritates me to be called by that horrendous former moniker.

SD

[jet3]

Man bro! I remember that feeling all to well. When I was pre t and passing i would get so upset when I had to pull my id out, it was a terrible feeling. Then when I got on T and my voice dropped and I looked 100% male it was even worse. I had problems with it all the time! I would go to the bank or to buy some beer and they would not believe that it was my id. I actually had one guy try to take it from me and said he was going to call the cops because he thought i had stolen it or something. I was super broke at the time. I was taking a lot of classes and wasnt able to work much, so I couldnt afford the name change either. Finally i couldnt deal with it and took a ton of my clothes to platoe's closet and sold them. I needed $133 and I think I got $145+/- a little back. I went to the probabte court then same day to file! man it was such a relief!  would suggest looking into something like that if you can. I dont know how it is where you're from but around me we have all different types of places you can sell stuff too. Good luck buddy!

[Arch]

I'm not sure if we're allowed to post links but google MissingMoney

There was a news show on this a little while back--somebody was telling me about it, but I missed it. It might have been a CBS show; a link came up when I did the search.

That site mentions unclaimed.org and missingmoney.com as the sites to go to, but I also saw others (missingmoney.org?) on my own search. Don't know which sites are legit...but do be careful if you try this, folks. The two sites listed on CBS are apparently okay, but some others might not be. If a site asks for your personal information, it could be an identity theft scam.

Kudos on the job, Zombie. It's just what you need.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

I've thought of plato's closet...cause actually, I'm going to be passing one on my way to work every day....what did you bring in to equal that much money?

[Crypt77]

Since I have been living full time as a guy and having my friends & co-workers call me by "Chris" rather than "Christine", I have felt better about myself, but there are moments where I am almost paranoided about blowing my cover. It bothers me a lot when someone like my mom call me by my legal name, and it sometimes bothers me when one of my friends slip...

But I have learned to deal with this in my ways. As a FTM college student, the first day of classes can be extremely tough, especially with role call. Though I have learned to get around this situation quite easily and so far it hasn't given me any problems. What I do is I make the effort to e-mail my professors before school starts or somehow meet up with them/get in contact with them. Then I explain to them what's going on and ask them kindly if they can call me by "Chris" on the first day of class rather than what's on the recorders. So far so good, most of my professors are pretty cool about it.

But yeah...it's a pain and it's annoying when your legal name is called.

[Radar]

In other news, you may want to search the unclaimed funds national database before you legally change your name. I just searched it for sh*ts and giggles and found that I have over $300 in unclaimed funds...well thanks, state of OH and past employers that I have unclaimed paychecks from...for paying for my name change

A lady I worked with did that and told me I should check it out. Not expecting anything, I did end up having money owed to me from a job in college. I guess employers will do anything to cheat a student. So, it was a nice find and I encourage people to do it.